My diary of random thoughts

[joeylittle]

Well, I can save, exercise and try to better myself at work.

I always try and start with something that is simple and time-limited. A small "just today" kind of thing. Out of these three, that might be - is there some light exercise you can do, just today? Something simple, even a walk?

 

[AnnieMae]

I always try and start with something that is simple and time-limited. A small "just today" kind of thing. Out of these three, that might be - is there some light exercise you can do, just today? Something simple, even a walk?

yes, I do try those things. I just feel like I am spinning my wheels. Looking at how my life went to crap so fast, and I can’t seem to catch up. It’s sooooooooooooo frustrating. Especially when you see everyone else’s lives moving forward.

 

[joeylittle]

I understand. I find, the more I can focus on just living inside of the day I'm in - not letting my mind drift into the past, and being proactive about not looking into the future - that's the thing that really tends to get me - things become more manageable. One day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time.

I know it's not easy.

 

[AnnieMae]

I understand. I find, the more I can focus on just living inside of the day I'm in - not letting my mind drift into the past, and being proactive about not looking into the future - that's the thing that really tends to get me - things become more manageable. One day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time.

I know it's not easy.

Yeah, that is always the hardest. I just can’t believe this all happened to me. It’s awful ?

 

[AnnieMae]

This really sucks. Now that I’m not under all of that pressure, I see all this crap. I also see that my sister is ignoring me. She doesn’t believe me. He lied about having a gun. The police didn’t believe me, the court didn’t care, my attorney didn’t, my sister didn’t...this is why people f*cking hate themselves. Whenever I kiss her ass, she’s all for it. But I always kiss peoples ass. I can’t stop. No one will ever get it. He apologized for pulling a gun. But it didn’t matter. I really hate my life. I can’t pull myself out of this struggle. It is awful. I’ve never dealt with depression before. When I laid on the ground crying my eyes out not knowing what was going on, she literally walked over me. At one point, she told me to go f*cking kill myself.

 

[AnnieMae]

I just wish all of the craziness would stop! I’m freaking out over things that happened in the past and I can’t stop ? ??

 

[AnnieMae]

I am so unhappy with my life! So unhappy! I don’t know what to do any more! I hate this anxiety! My life is falling apart! Completely falling apart! And all I can do is just accept it! There is nothing I can do! Too much of this, then that, then this, then that! I used to be so motivated and feel so good about myself. Now, I feel like crap! All because I lost. I completely lost everything! I can’t win the mind games or actions in life. I’m so tired, can’t sleep, hate everything right now, but I put on a happy face because I have to. Nothing will work out in the end because it’s all lies.

 

[AnnieMae]

My life is falling apart and I can’t stop it from happening!!!!!! It’s all him! It’s all him, my family, the psychics, everything! I can’t stop it!!!!! This is all ridiculous! All ridiculous! I’m tired! Confused! Help me please, God! Damn!!!!!

 

[AnnieMae]

I just need someone outside of my family to love me. That’s all I need is someone to love me. That’s all. And then when someone likes me, I push them away. No one can tell me what to do, but when I f*ck up they sure as hell tell me what I did wrong.

 

[AnnieMae]

This is not a random thought- he Messed with my emotions and it destroyed me as a person and destroyed my life. Now I’m stuck with ptsd and it is ruining my life. I am so afraid to mess up it’s awful. I hate my life, not suicidal, but I just am not happy at all. I don’t think I ever will be anymore. I will never be in a relationship again, and seeing myself and my life is depressing because I have no close friend, no love, nothing.

 

[ladee]

Hopefully, at some point, you will look out from your pain and realize you are not alone. You are writing. We are reading. We hear your pain.

Can you share something that you would like to see improvements in your life? Keeping in mind, whatever that change to improve will call for some work from you to accomplish that. This is not something you have to answer here. Maybe just something for you to think about, besides your pain.

It's a good thing to imagine our lives different from the pain we are in.

 

[AnnieMae]

Hopefully, at some point, you will look out from your pain and realize you are not alone. You are writing. We are reading. We hear your pain.

Can you share something that you would like to see improvements in your life? Keeping in mind, whatever that change to improve will call for some work from you to accomplish that. This is not something you have to answer here. Maybe just something for you to think about, besides your pain.

It's a good thing to imagine our lives different from the pain we are in.

There are so many things- weight loss, a new job or better job than what I have, real, caring friends. Not losing my mind all the time. People keep telling me things will get better, but this going back and forth crap sucks. It’s like living in reality, then living in despair. It sucks so bad. Weight loss is hard with PCOS. Really, finding myself is the hardest thing.