I slept with my therapist, now what?

[Muted]

I can understand your confusion and mixed feelings. You felt a real connection with your therapist and she must of felt the same connection with you. But that is where the problem lies, if she had any other feelings, other then professional SHE should of ended any kind of relationship, professional or friendship. As your therapist she would know your vulnerabilities and your trust in her. Because of that she took advantage of you. She made the phone call in the middle of the night, she invite you over to her home, she knew you are married and yet she takes no responsibility for her actions. Instead she projects them onto you and she still isn’t doing what is best for you. Because of that your confused and you have added stress on your marriage and I’m sure as long as you continue to see her, the more stress your marriage will have. At what point does she take responsibility? It doesn’t matter if she was drinking, drunk or blacked out ( which I think is bullsh*t because she took time, planning to get you there). A drunk driver is still responsible for driving impaired. You deserve to be treated with respect and valued. She has done none of them and you deserve better, so much better. She’s not a victim in anyway. She’s a professional that knows right from wrong, yes she’s human and makes mistakes but there are consequences to mistakes. Your feelings the consequences and learning from them. Why shouldn’t she?

She has apologized. You have made a lot of valuable points though... the analogy also helps me understand better.

 

[Muted]

What if she’s lying about the blackouts?

 

[Sideways]

What if she’s lying about the blackouts?

Don't go down the rabbit hole of 'what ifs'. Don't do that to yourself.

It doesn't matter if she was black out drunk or not - she's responsible for her actions either way, and the impact on you and your life is exactly the same.

Have you cut contact with her?

 

[Muted]

Don't go down the rabbit hole of 'what ifs'. Don't do that to yourself.

It doesn't matter if she was black out drunk or not - she's responsible for her actions either way, and the impact on you and your life is exactly the same.

Have you cut contact with her?

No, but I’ve lessened it a lot.

 

[Sideways]

Perhaps that's something you could do for yourself.

You're not getting mixed messages. The response on this forum is pretty unanimous that her behaviour is completely unacceptable.

So perhaps start by blocking her number.

What's the authority for her profession where you are? Perhaps shoot of an enquiry to them about what their advice is to you at this point? Just so you start getting the right advice, and support from the right people...?

Does she have a boss? Or does she run her own clinic? Perhaps you could email her boss and let them know that she's had personal contact with you, outside office hours, and while she was intoxicated. That way they can take appropriate steps (to make sure her other patients aren't put at risk, and so that they can comply with regulations to protect their practice and the other specialists working there).

 

[Mytime]

I’m just wondering if your struggling with your sense of loyalty towards her, because of how she has helped you in the past?

 

[Deanna]

I’m just wondering if your struggling with your sense of loyalty towards her, because of how she has helped you in the past?

Dang, you're a genius. I wish I would have wrote that in the first place. It's just me.. But even though the therapist says she was blacked out, I just don't think she telling the truth because it makes her liable. Liable to her friends, as a therapist, to her clients, to her college peers and to her family. She won't come forward so the OP can't feel that she is liable because therapist hasn't said she is, so the OP believes her. She clearly has a drinking problem if she "blacked out". But that is not her character as a therapist ( the drunk) so it puts therapist in an area of the " unknown" in OP ( anyones really) brain

 

[Rumors]

Dang, you're a genius. I wish I would have wrote that in the first place. It's just me.. But even though the therapist says she was blacked out, I just don't think she telling the truth because it makes her liable. Liable to her friends, as a therapist, to her clients, to her college peers and to her family. She won't come forward so the OP can't feel that she is liable because therapist hasn't said she is, so the OP believes her. She clearly has a drinking problem if she "blacked out". But that is not her character as a therapist ( the drunk) so it puts therapist in an area of the " unknown" in OP ( anyones really) brain

She is liable regardless if she was drinking or not. At the end of the day, they likely would remove her license and she would be out of a job. My thinking is that the OP doesn't want to be the cause of her not having a livelihood over this.... just my thought.

 

[mumstheword]

I'm so sorry you are going through this @Muted! What a sticky, fraught, complex, painful situation to be in.
I get that you were totally vulnerable when you went to her and slept with her.
I'm guessing you are wracked with guilt and confusion at how to proceed.
It sounds like she needs to get herself some therapy, and not be being a therapist, at the moment.
I hope you can find someone new to.confide in, to help you see your way through this messy sitch.

Being accountable for your part and recognizing your mistake in all this, and getting good, sound support to work through why and how you made the choices you made, will, surely, go a long way in repairing the damage done, in your own relationship(s) and selfhood.

It may take time, but, with the willingness to face yourself, in all this, I think you will be able to develop the clarity and resilience needed, to put this behind you.

If it was a more childlike part of you that came forward and was submissive, to your T, can you comfort that part? Listen to her? Resolve to create safety for her, from now on?

I get the impression that it was a young and vulnerable state, perhaps, that lead.you to go over there and comply with this situation.

I hope you can reassure and forgive that vulnerability and susceptibility, in yourself. And find the adult part that will choose a responsible and self-caring path, from, now on.

 

[Muted]

I’m just wondering if your struggling with your sense of loyalty towards her, because of how she has helped you in the past?

Definitely

 

[Mytime]

It’s completely understandable that you would struggle with the sense of loyalty. She has been your therapist for a long time and she has helped and supported you through your recovery journey. Her past support doesn’t change, but her present support does. A line was crossed that changes the dynamic of the relationship between client and therapist. I’m sure it hurts and it’s confusing, because now your therapist is living in avoidance of her behaviour. If your really struggling with reporting her, would your husband step up and do so? Please understand I’m not trying to push you, it’s your choice on what you feel is right for you.

 

[Muted]

It’s completely understandable that you would struggle with the sense of loyalty. She has been your therapist for a long time and she has helped and supported you through your recovery journey. Her past support doesn’t change, but her present support does. A line was crossed that changes the dynamic of the relationship between client and therapist. I’m sure it hurts and it’s confusing, because now your therapist is living in avoidance of her behaviour. If your really struggling with reporting her, would your husband step up and do so? Please understand I’m not trying to push you, it’s your choice on what you feel is right for you.

Thank you for your understanding. At this point, he thinks it’s equally my fault.