I slept with my therapist, now what?

[Deanna]

I had to look that up. I realize I’m really struggling to get perspective on this. I don’t understand why this is so hard for me to process.

She essentially abused you but you can't give up the relationship is what she means. Our abusers did the same thing but we never told out of fear. ( if that helps) are you afraid?

 

[Muted]

I think you are having a hard time letting go. You were just following her phone call and didn't think sex would happen. Four o'clock in the morning us pretty early. Are you sad and feel like she let you down as far as expectations? ( as a therapist?)

Either way.. I think you'll have to find another therapist in your best interest..i wish someone could have been with you at the time she called. But that's history, now.

Possibly....I have a lot of mixed feelings.

 

[Muted]

She essentially abused you but you can't give up the relationship is what she means. Our abusers did the same thing but we never told out of fear. ( if that helps) are you afraid?

I don’t think I’m afraid. I just feel like I’m very connected to her. We’ve worked through a ton of stuff together.

 

[Deanna]

Possibly....I have a lot of mixed feelings.

Maybe you'll need a new therapist to work through them? ( I know that is a sensitive issue) cos I know you were good friends. Most people here ( not all but some) are saying they feel like she took advantage of you, as a client, at 4 in the morning.. Is all. And worry that she might do it to someone else. You don't know if she's done this to someone else. Right?

 

[Muted]

Maybe you'll need a new therapist to work through them? You don't know if she's done this to someone else. Right?

I’ve thought about trying online. No, I’m fairly certain this hasn’t happened before with a client.

 

[Sideways]

I just feel like I’m very connected to her. We’ve worked through a ton of stuff together.

Talking about this as though you're friends is really unhelpful. Even putting aside that she knows you're married and slept with you anyway (sorry, but what kind of person does that?).

You've been paying her to "work through" stuff. She's been taking your money. Every week. Friends don't do that. They listen for free.

So, this friend has been taking your money, and has now nearly destroyed your marriage.

Raise your standards. That's not acceptable from a therapist. It's not acceptable from a friend.

Please report her to the relevant authority so that no one else has to be abused and potentially destroyed. She needs help. But others who have been through trauma need protection.

 

[Muted]

Talking about this as though you're friends is really unhelpful. Even putting aside that she knows you're married and slept with you anyway (sorry, but what kind of person does that?).

You've been paying her to "work through" stuff. She's been taking your money. Every week. Friends don't do that. They listen for free.

So, this friend has been taking your money, and has now nearly destroyed your marriage.

Raise your standards. That's not acceptable from a therapist. It's not acceptable from a friend.

Please report her to the relevant authority so that no one else has to be abused and potentially destroyed. She needs help. But others who have been through trauma need protection.

She was blacked out.

 

[somerandomguy]

She was blacked out.

We don't accept that as an excuse for crimes. We don't accept that as an excuse when our spouses cheat. We shouldn't accept that as an excuse. Period.

 

[Sideways]

She was blacked out.

So...?

She has a drinking problem on top of it all.

Perhaps if you think about this like it was something your best friend was telling you about their therapist?

What's your priority here? A friendship with this seriously messed up therapist?

What happened to why you were in therapy in the first place? What happened to your marriage? What happens if she does this to another vulnerable patient?

How is her being black out drunk some kind of absolution? It makes it worse, not better.

Think about the person who gets black out drunk then gets behind the wheel of a car and hits a pedestrian. How is them being black out drunk some kind of hail Mary? It's not. It makes their irresponsibility worse.

She's not a child, she's a therapist. She had no place messaging you at home, let alone in the middle of the night, let alone when she was drunk. It's absolutely appalling behaviour.

 

[Muted]

So...?

She has a drinking problem on top of it all.

Perhaps if you think about this like it was something your best friend was telling you about their therapist?

What's your priority here? A friendship with this seriously messed up therapist?

What happened to why you were in therapy in the first place? What happened to your marriage? What happens if she does this to another vulnerable patient?

How is her being black out drunk some kind of absolution? It makes it worse, not better.

Think about the person who gets black out drunk then gets behind the wheel of a car and hits a pedestrian. How is them being black out drunk some kind of hail Mary? It's not. It makes their irresponsibility worse.

She's not a child, she's a therapist. She had no place messaging you at home, let alone in the middle of the night, let alone when she was drunk. It's absolutely appalling behaviour.

It’s definite been a shock to my entire self.

 

[Sideways]

It’s definite been a shock to my entire self.

Okay, so how do we steer an absolutely appalling situation into a healthier direction?

Some good starting points? Definitely more support. Online therapist sounds like a brilliant idea.

I personally think reporting her is also a high priority. Her behaviour is dangerous. She has no place being a therapist for trauma patients, and it's unconscionable for her to continue taking vulnerable people's money in this situation.

Reporting her would probably be reassuring for your partner.

Most importantly, it's potentially what needs to happen here for your own wellbeing. Sometimes getting things clear in our head requires behaving in the right way. Doing what's right behaviourally, to help our mind kick back into gear. A way to treat yourself appropriately - this is a completely appalling thing for her to have done to you, and to you your partner. Behaving like that matters, like it's not okay to abuse you, like you're not helpless, like you can take steps to protect yourself now - sometimes behaving that way is the most powerful way to help ourselves understand that.

You made a dreadful decision going to her house in the middle of night. Perhaps the best way to start helping yourself is to start making some sensible decisions for yourself.

 

[Mytime]

I can understand your confusion and mixed feelings. You felt a real connection with your therapist and she must of felt the same connection with you. But that is where the problem lies, if she had any other feelings, other then professional SHE should of ended any kind of relationship, professional or friendship. As your therapist she would know your vulnerabilities and your trust in her. Because of that she took advantage of you. She made the phone call in the middle of the night, she invite you over to her home, she knew you are married and yet she takes no responsibility for her actions. Instead she projects them onto you and she still isn’t doing what is best for you. Because of that your confused and you have added stress on your marriage and I’m sure as long as you continue to see her, the more stress your marriage will have. At what point does she take responsibility? It doesn’t matter if she was drinking, drunk or blacked out ( which I think is bullsh*t because she took time, planning to get you there). A drunk driver is still responsible for driving impaired. You deserve to be treated with respect and valued. She has done none of them and you deserve better, so much better. She’s not a victim in anyway. She’s a professional that knows right from wrong, yes she’s human and makes mistakes but there are consequences to mistakes. Your feelings the consequences and learning from them. Why shouldn’t she?