How do you build a sense of self-worth?

[Tinyflame]

I think a lot depends on how worth is defined. Most people define themself at least partly (or to a great degree) by their occupations, roles, connections and accomplishments. Also looks, status and power/ privilege.

Unfortunately I don't think anyone sees themself within a vacuum though, and it's hard to feel like you matter, if you don't by what you value (as @Friday said), or when you are treated like you don't matter. Because one then thinks, if I matter so much, why then is that so? Seems conflicting evidence of the opposite.

But this time really highlights who makes an effort to reach out, and who doesn't. Including could be said of one's self, too. Actions and inactions speak volumes.

I think I no longer care, just do whatever I choose to, and do it because I choose to, having worth or not.

ETA: I suppose what I mean is, seems a worthless endeavour in spending painful time thinking of how worthless I am. So might as well get on with it, even if true. Albeit with not a great deal of trust or fuzzy feelings, but focusing on it will just devour me in the process, which makes me further useless.

 

[ladee]

A couple of things come to mind. One, self-worth for us tends to 'feel' fluid. We can feel good for four days and then have a bad day. The four days is what we focus on. Not the bad day, and tell ourselves Four out of five aint' bad! Because the one day is old thinking. But if we don't focus on the good days how will we ever appreciate them. Or give ourselves credit for what we did to have those good days.

And pay attention to what you value on those good days. Because it holds us up on the bad days. We do have worth. We have shown ourselves what we value. That doesn't change because we go into old thinking.

It will not be a one-time thing that last forever and ever. It's going to be in flux simply because of how trauma has wired our brain. But the more we practice and pay attention to what we value on those good days, the self-worth builds.

You were witness to my latest trauma. You saw how my self-worth, in my mind, disappeared. Yet YOU knew better. And you held that mirror up until I could see myself in a truer light. So we also use the people here to help hold up the mirrors when we are spinning in the same spot. We listen. And no, we don't get it the first five thousand times someone tells us otherwise. But we are just not that great of bullshitters to fool this many people all at the same time!

Give yourself time. Maybe try not to look for a defining moment, but look back and think, wow, I really liked me that day!! Hmm, must be something changing.

As always I've used a million words, but I know you will take what you need and leave the rest. And, you will be patient with me because you know why I am using so many words. Much love and heart hugs to you ninja.

 

[Teasel]

What has worked,

One thing that has succeeded in shifting my sense of self worth for the better is Metta. A few years back I took on a Meditate every day challenge and succeeded about 75% and half way through I added a 2 - 5 minute cery simple Metta practise at the end of my meditation.

The day I realised It was having an effect was the day i woke up from a good dream. Wish I could remember what the dream was but I do still remember the profound feeling of care for myself.

Didn't follow the instructions I linked, just repeated in my mind

May you be well, may you be happy, may you be free from suffering.

For the first 30 seconds directing this towards myself

The next 39 seconds directing towards someone I love
(This brought into sharp focus the difference in the quality of feeling I could feel towards someone I love compared to what I could dredge up for myself. Also doing both next to each other enabled me to sort of borrow from the love I can feel for others and practise feeling it towards myself)

The next 39 seconds towards someone I feel neutral about

And the last towards someone I have some (small to begin with) difficulty with.

Do I have a great sense of self worth how? Heck no, but it has improved.

 

[whiteraven]

1. By knowing what I value.
2. By living it / doing the things I value.

This is me, too. I mostly can't *do* these days, though, so I feel worthless and like a failure most of the time.

As in even zen aside, there IS a lot of meaning and mattering in saving bugs,

Oh, best thing I've read here today! Saving bugs is so important and anyone who does has immense value! (from the person who so wanted to be an entomologist when I was little, but never made it that far LOL)

One thing that has succeeded in shifting my sense of self worth for the better is Link Removed

I practice Metta a couple of times a day. It really can be life-changing.