Prayer Requests

[8888]

@Defaultxlovee No worries! Glad you are doing better. Good to hear about the self-care.

Please pray for a family friend of mine who is in the hospital with kidney problems.

 

[Dynamic]

@Defaultxlovee No worries! Glad you are doing better. Good to hear about the self-care.

Please pray for a family friend of mine who is in the hospital with kidney problems.

Thank you :) I am feeling better today although still feeling off. I am praying for the family friend in the hospital and everyone around you all. May God lead the hands of her care!

 

[8888]

Thank you :) I am feeling better today although still feeling off. I am praying for the family friend in the hospital and everyone around you all. May God lead the hands of her care!

Glad you are better and hope you continue to feel better. Thank you!

 

[Dynamic]

Hey @8888 how's the family friend? Praying!

 

[AMusingChickadee]

I don’t want to be a negative influence on anyone else here, I’m nervous, but I have a prayer request in desperation. I’ve been working on healing for a long time. The last few years I made great progress, learning a lot via therapy and my own research. I know healing has taken place and I’ve grown. I have skills that help me manage the triggers for the most part, and memories don’t affect me as much anymore. But for the last year I feel like maybe I’ve… plateaued? Maybe even gone backward.

It’s not so much the past as it is the present. The traumas themselves don’t bother me so much to think about - but the way they affected me long-term. The way my personality was formed and altered as a result. How I act. I don’t fit in to humanity. The pieces of me I lost and can’t seem to get back. I’ve regained joy in some things, but other things I used to enjoy just seem like I’m not even interested anymore, like they belong to another person. And maybe that’s ok, just changing and developing new interests, I don’t know. I used to be a little naturally extroverted as a child. I don’t see ever getting that back. I seem to have a permanent aversion to most people. Not even fear, just… disgust? I care about them and will help them, but I don’t care to get close to many people. I’m willing to be vulnerable with some. I’ll get invited to things, and my first reaction is “ugh” and immediately drained.

Sorry, I’m rambling. I guess I’m running out of ideas for how to help myself further. I’m very emotional and sensitive, and I can’t seem to convince my brain that feelings aren’t facts. It gets confused with intuition. I’ve been right about people so many times, I don’t even want to try to be convinced thru my CBT techniques that I might be wrong. I think I’m still pretty open-minded about alternative explanations, but once I get a feeling about someone, that’s it. I don’t know how to want to be part of a community. I guess I went without for so long that I don’t even desire it anymore. I almost prefer to be alone like I was for most of my life. Like any social interaction just came a little too late, and I’m too far gone now.

It feels like I’m not truly living.

I want to give it all to God. Not even in resignation but in calm. With hope in Him, because I’ve lost hope in myself. I give up trying for anything specific. I feel like I fixed my own brain as much as I’m able, and the rest is beyond repair. I need a miracle from God. Not even just for my own peace, but for my spouse and children. How can I change that much, enough? I feel so lost. Please God take control and help me be better.

 

[Tinyflame]

I relate @AMusingChickadee . Prayers for you and @8888 and @Defaultxlovee , and friends, family and loved ones.

 

[Survivor3]

@AMusingChickadee , I will pray for you. What you wrote really resonated with me as I have felt like that too. I hope you feel better soon. ❤

 

[Dynamic]

I don’t want to be a negative influence on anyone else here, I’m nervous, but I have a prayer request in desperation. I’ve been working on healing for a long time. The last few years I made great progress, learning a lot via therapy and my own research. I know healing has taken place and I’ve grown. I have skills that help me manage the triggers for the most part, and memories don’t affect me as much anymore. But for the last year I feel like maybe I’ve… plateaued? Maybe even gone backward.

It’s not so much the past as it is the present. The traumas themselves don’t bother me so much to think about - but the way they affected me long-term. The way my personality was formed and altered as a result. How I act. I don’t fit in to humanity. The pieces of me I lost and can’t seem to get back. I’ve regained joy in some things, but other things I used to enjoy just seem like I’m not even interested anymore, like they belong to another person. And maybe that’s ok, just changing and developing new interests, I don’t know. I used to be a little naturally extroverted as a child. I don’t see ever getting that back. I seem to have a permanent aversion to most people. Not even fear, just… disgust? I care about them and will help them, but I don’t care to get close to many people. I’m willing to be vulnerable with some. I’ll get invited to things, and my first reaction is “ugh” and immediately drained.

Sorry, I’m rambling. I guess I’m running out of ideas for how to help myself further. I’m very emotional and sensitive, and I can’t seem to convince my brain that feelings aren’t facts. It gets confused with intuition. I’ve been right about people so many times, I don’t even want to try to be convinced thru my CBT techniques that I might be wrong. I think I’m still pretty open-minded about alternative explanations, but once I get a feeling about someone, that’s it. I don’t know how to want to be part of a community. I guess I went without for so long that I don’t even desire it anymore. I almost prefer to be alone like I was for most of my life. Like any social interaction just came a little too late, and I’m too far gone now.

It feels like I’m not truly living.

I want to give it all to God. Not even in resignation but in calm. With hope in Him, because I’ve lost hope in myself. I give up trying for anything specific. I feel like I fixed my own brain as much as I’m able, and the rest is beyond repair. I need a miracle from God. Not even just for my own peace, but for my spouse and children. How can I change that much, enough? I feel so lost. Please God take control and help me be better.

I love this . Praying for you <3 God's got you, and is completely capable and faithful. I have had similar feelings lately not exact but did the same and I actually got some good news today. Sometimes we get so withered in the walk and fight we just need to rest and heal by God's design and plan for our individual lives. I was thinking today how thankful I am to have you guys to come talk to. And this site.

We have to remember also, that sometimes he uses our brokenness to shine the light thru that piece. God's using us in the lives of the people around us. I do not mean to come at you at all. I hope you find my words comforting because wee can rest assured on the promises of God. That's what God is all about thankfully!! :)

 

[Dynamic]

Thanks for the prayers @Rosebud I appreciate the support right now!

 

[Tinyflame]

Of course @Defaultxlovee .

Don't want to jinx it, but may have ('seem to have...') found a pup, name one letter off my aunt's (same meaning), day my mom died on the table during a 30 min surgery that turned in to 5+ hours (was always amazed and thankful they fought so hard knowing lousy prognosis, as it gave us all 9 more weeks); pup tried to chew her way out of crate (that'd be my dad- he always said ~dogs aren't meant to guard the kitchen, ie be locked up. Though dogs may somewhat disagree on the food part. ) Picking her up on my relative's bday- she's for her esp, who has much trauma of her own. And wouldn't have been off except booked bday. Pup looks like last dog's pup, and sounds like her- we had gladly forgone the pups in lieu of her the mom. And our last dog 's estimated bday (both are rescues) was Feb- March; we chose Feb 14th simply because she had heart-shaped paw pads. (Left heart prints all over the snow. ) But am thinking, might be today's date... Pup is in a city we traveled to for our other dog's needs as a ~'famous' vet helped us for free over the phone, and said he would see her if we could get there, and it is considered the 'sunniest' place in the country. As luck would have it, my computer also showed that today is National Dog Biscuit Day, lol, and my sister who died in 2020 used to bake them for charity when she herself was stuck home on chemo over the years, and she too loved her pups, said they got her through her treatments (the cancer came back 4 times). And, pup's name means God's promise. I know it's probably ~coincidental (mostly?), but Idk, I still think it's pretty cool. And I'd rather think of it as providence. Am very very very thankful. (But truthfully, still nervous the bottom will fall out! )

Thank you to everyone

PS, I always said after our last sweetheart, those are big paws to fill. And this one has HUGE feet.

ETA however, just got a desperate call to ask to foster the most beautiful ( senior!, incredible she had pups tbh) mom dog who is ill and just had pups- have to check but not contagious issue I think. They cover meds and food to foster, very serious illness. Oye. pup used to other dogs though. Eiy....

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh no- Ukraine. I expected- or feared- it.

-----
As per above, not all my decision to make, but I think I realized something larger. If today's timing didn''t go as it did, we would take senior dog in a heartbeat. And knowing us, never part with her. She's in a situation treatment is years, damage to multiple organs can be extensive, vet trips have to be frequent, and even not entirely unlikely sudden death. Only potentially contagious come summer, but must also be protected from heat. And woman knows (that we are soft hearted), been through that with her once before (~"help in the future' became next day commitment onward and highly time and labor-intensive, said that if we didn't take the dog that day it would be gassed- what could we say?? ). And we feel so badly for the beautiful dog. And she needs opposite (and possibly heavier) care. Extreme inactivity vs activity, also. plus trying to introduce 2 new dogs at once. The senior actually needs someone there for her and her alone 24/7 IMHO. Convalescing, not activity (or it could kill her, literally).

But these people with the pup trusted us, virtually sight-unseen, made concessions. And wouldn't even take $ as a deposit to hold. Came across entirely legitimate, and gosh-knows most or many people are neither so kind nor legitimate. We owe them not to betray that trust, too. Someone said to us yesterday, you can't save them all. But you can save one. But most of all, to treat those people too who are deserving of that trust as they should be, also. Is how I am feeling inclined, researching too what the dog needs (and it will). though it makes me feel sad and guilty also.

PS @AMusingChickadee , that's not a negative influence, never worry, that's honest and necessary and a good thing. I hope you will feel much, much better soon.

 

[Dynamic]

Good morning ... praying for us all today