enough
MyPTSD Pro
Baseball fans know what the end game is. Your team is behind, you are getting into the last at bats you have, you start substituting players that can't play defense when they are in the field but get on base when at bat, you pull a good pitcher early to get the closer in and keep the opposing batters from getting on base, basically, you stop worrying about doing whats best in the long term and start worrying about whats immediately next and not much else. Now or never is another way to explain it.
I feel this is setting in and i can't get myself to accept it and live life this way, but I am doing it anyway.
Since I went through a long period of stress and worry about my wifes health, and then the worry associated with 3 premature births in the family (all grandsons, all doing well now) I feel like I just don't have much more to give and accepting new stress is just not possible anymore. But stresses don't stop. I wake up to more everyday. Life or death stresses. important things that need attention.
I make decisions based on getting through today, but the knowledge that there is still plenty of life left to live and i am hurting my chances for later on wakes me up some nights. Short term, it has to be, I don't have a shot at getting through this without playing the end game now. Long term, well I guess you can't have both. Not right now. i am depleted and doing everything the best, most sensible, most responsible and attentive to all the details way is just not doable. Some things have to just not matter right now.
It would push me over the edge and into an uncontrolled spin I think, to live like I always have and attend to every detail as best as i can. i don't have the bandwidth to handle life as i have lived it and manage the shit storm i am living in now. Gotta let some stuff go, clear the cache and play the end game.
Does anyone else ever feel like this? Survival today is all that matters even if it is going to make it rougher tomorrow?
There is no tomorrow if we don't get through today. Time to play the end game.
I feel this is setting in and i can't get myself to accept it and live life this way, but I am doing it anyway.
Since I went through a long period of stress and worry about my wifes health, and then the worry associated with 3 premature births in the family (all grandsons, all doing well now) I feel like I just don't have much more to give and accepting new stress is just not possible anymore. But stresses don't stop. I wake up to more everyday. Life or death stresses. important things that need attention.
I make decisions based on getting through today, but the knowledge that there is still plenty of life left to live and i am hurting my chances for later on wakes me up some nights. Short term, it has to be, I don't have a shot at getting through this without playing the end game now. Long term, well I guess you can't have both. Not right now. i am depleted and doing everything the best, most sensible, most responsible and attentive to all the details way is just not doable. Some things have to just not matter right now.
It would push me over the edge and into an uncontrolled spin I think, to live like I always have and attend to every detail as best as i can. i don't have the bandwidth to handle life as i have lived it and manage the shit storm i am living in now. Gotta let some stuff go, clear the cache and play the end game.
Does anyone else ever feel like this? Survival today is all that matters even if it is going to make it rougher tomorrow?
There is no tomorrow if we don't get through today. Time to play the end game.