Muttly
MyPTSD Pro
I know it's come up before, but it's been a while since a thread has been made on this subject.
My T and I were talking about forgiveness, specifically regarding my dad. He didn't just abuse me, he abused my brother and mother. He abused animals. I don't know if I can forgive that. I told my T, I'm stuck on the idea that forgiving is the same as condoning. He's shown no remorse for the things he's done, that also makes it hard. And, this may be messed up, but I'm also stuck on forgiving him for the things he did to others. Especially animals. Like I could probably forgive him for what he's done to me (not all my parts agree) but not some of the other things he's done. Like he once killed a family pet.
And it seems like everyone talks about forgiveness as a necessary step of healing, but is it really? My T asked what forgiveness of him would look like. And even if I forgave, it's not like I'd have more than a distant, polite relationship. I don't feel the need to be near him. Maybe he's changed in recent years, but I sincerely doubt it. He can be cruel, vindictive, sexist, fat-shaming, etc. That's not something I want to be part of. Yes, I need to let go of the power he still holds over us, but does that require forgiveness?
My T and I were talking about forgiveness, specifically regarding my dad. He didn't just abuse me, he abused my brother and mother. He abused animals. I don't know if I can forgive that. I told my T, I'm stuck on the idea that forgiving is the same as condoning. He's shown no remorse for the things he's done, that also makes it hard. And, this may be messed up, but I'm also stuck on forgiving him for the things he did to others. Especially animals. Like I could probably forgive him for what he's done to me (not all my parts agree) but not some of the other things he's done. Like he once killed a family pet.
And it seems like everyone talks about forgiveness as a necessary step of healing, but is it really? My T asked what forgiveness of him would look like. And even if I forgave, it's not like I'd have more than a distant, polite relationship. I don't feel the need to be near him. Maybe he's changed in recent years, but I sincerely doubt it. He can be cruel, vindictive, sexist, fat-shaming, etc. That's not something I want to be part of. Yes, I need to let go of the power he still holds over us, but does that require forgiveness?