• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Why am I even alive?

8888

MyPTSD Pro
I’m really struggling. He ruined my life. I’m not functioning. I haven’t showered in 3 weeks, my hair is matted, and I only brush my teeth once every couple of days. I’m oversleeping and am neglecting my responsibilities. I don’t know why I’m alive. I wish I wasn’t. Therapy doesn’t seem to be helping. My therapist is decent, I guess I’m just too broken. I take my meds but they seem minimally helpful. People close to me keep telling me to get a job. It hurts that they don‘t see how much I am struggling. I do hope to have a job one day but right now just surviving feels like a full-time job. My housemate says I’m always depressed. Which is true, but it’s getting worse and nobody seems to care. Last time I told one of the staff here (I live in a group home) that I was having suicidal thoughts she just sent me to bed. She supposedly got some training since then, but I don’t exactly want to go back to her if it becomes more of a problem. I don‘t even know what to do anymore.
 
Have you told your T what it's like for you right now?

It sounds a very very difficult place that you're in. I hope you can see hope for you that this will get easier.
People say things because they don't know what to do, ike get a job). I'm sure it comes from a good place but it doesn't help and can feel invalidating.

Are you able to break things down a little?
Maybe have a plan of congratulating yourself when you brush your teeth every other day. Because that is an achievement. Rather than beating yourself up that you brush your teeth every other day.
Maybe that's your plan at the moment: at the moment all I can manage is brushing my teeth every other day.
 
Aw @8888 , what has brought you such great pain? 😥 Maybe the memories and therefore the feeling worsens? Sitting with you and hugs and love.

Do try to sleep, and do one thing at least for self care tomorrow. 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

ETA, I think all people are interconnected @8888 . And the goodness you send out in to the Universe, including by just being, and which can never be destroyed, is very much needed. Crucial even. ❤️
 
Last edited:
I’m really struggling. He ruined my life. I’m not functioning. I haven’t showered in 3 weeks, my hair is matted, and I only brush my teeth once every couple of days. I’m oversleeping and am neglecting my responsibilities. I don’t know why I’m alive. I wish I wasn’t. Therapy doesn’t seem to be helping. My therapist is decent, I guess I’m just too broken. I take my meds but they seem minimally helpful. People close to me keep telling me to get a job. It hurts that they don‘t see how much I am struggling. I do hope to have a job one day but right now just surviving feels like a full-time job. My housemate says I’m always depressed. Which is true, but it’s getting worse and nobody seems to care. Last time I told one of the staff here (I live in a group home) that I was having suicidal thoughts she just sent me to bed. She supposedly got some training since then, but I don’t exactly want to go back to her if it becomes more of a problem. I don‘t even know what to do anymore.
My brother the so called golden child once said to me as I was recovering from a craniotomy and bacterial meningitis of my brain- stand on your own 2 feet. He got what he wanted. People say unhelpful things . I got enough help - therapy lawyers medical treatment- he got what he asked for.
 
I’m really struggling. He ruined my life. I’m not functioning. I haven’t showered in 3 weeks, my hair is matted, and I only brush my teeth once every couple of days. I’m oversleeping and am neglecting my responsibilities. I don’t know why I’m alive. I wish I wasn’t. Therapy doesn’t seem to be helping. My therapist is decent, I guess I’m just too broken. I take my meds but they seem minimally helpful. People close to me keep telling me to get a job. It hurts that they don‘t see how much I am struggling. I do hope to have a job one day but right now just surviving feels like a full-time job. My housemate says I’m always depressed. Which is true, but it’s getting worse and nobody seems to care. Last time I told one of the staff here (I live in a group home) that I was having suicidal thoughts she just sent me to bed. She supposedly got some training since then, but I don’t exactly want to go back to her if it becomes more of a problem. I don‘t even know what to do anymore.
If you can be bothered, try standing under the shower and then just let your body and hair dry naturally. You should feel better without much bother.
 
The way I see it, humans don't really need a reason to live. Barring serious physical trauma, sickness or injury beyond the processes of sustaining life, human beings like any other animal will maintain homeostasis as long as we can.

Regardless of your emotions and subjective perceptions of the world, yourself, your experiences, etc. - Our bodies keeps going. Cells divide. Organs regulate processes. They don't need a reason for that, it just is.

What we do need a reason for, is whether we choose to die. And if your reason for dying is that there is no reason in living, that is valid. But in my opinion, there are a much greater number of experiences I can assign meaning to and philosophically analyze beyond the biological sustension of life.

For example, why are people compassionate to one another? What is the reason for human action in the face of adversity? How do we formulate functional interpersonal spaces? What does it mean to harm another person, or help them?

Lots to chew on, beyond "remaining alive." Because that stuff just "is."
 
The way I see it, humans don't really need a reason to live. Barring serious physical trauma, sickness or injury beyond the processes of sustaining life, human beings like any other animal will maintain homeostasis as long as we can.

Regardless of your emotions and subjective perceptions of the world, yourself, your experiences, etc. - Our bodies keeps going. Cells divide. Organs regulate processes. They don't need a reason for that, it just is.

What we do need a reason for, is whether we choose to die. And if your reason for dying is that there is no reason in living, that is valid. But in my opinion, there are a much greater number of experiences I can assign meaning to and philosophically analyze beyond the biological sustension of life.

For example, why are people compassionate to one another? What is the reason for human action in the face of adversity? How do we formulate functional interpersonal spaces? What does it mean to harm another person, or help them?

Lots to chew on, beyond "remaining alive." Because that stuff just "is."
What is compassion, please?
 
What is compassion, please?

Compassion is essentially the capacity to take a beneficial action toward someone else, particularly to alleviate someone else's suffering. It is also balanced with notions of fairness, justice and reason. It is a form of empathy known as performative, or compassionate empathy. It doesn't require the sensation of emotion (such as feeling sad when someone else is sad) - since compassion is not an actual emotion, it can merely be motivated by emotion. Compassion can also be motivated by logic, reason, wisdom, intelligence, observation, etc.
 
Compassion is essentially the capacity to take a beneficial action toward someone else, particularly to alleviate someone else's suffering. It is also balanced with notions of fairness, justice and reason. It is a form of empathy known as performative, or compassionate empathy. It doesn't require the sensation of emotion (such as feeling sad when someone else is sad) - since compassion is not an actual emotion, it can merely be motivated by emotion. Compassion can also be motivated by logic, reason, wisdom, intelligence, observation, etc.
Thank you.
 
Back
Top