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What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

I feel just empty inside. I didn't eat yesterday and so far not today. I did have water today. Even though I would just like to sleep I decided to make my prayer box today like I said I would.
 
My mum got into an altercation with another driver, today. On her street. They’re both elderly. She’s local, the man was Eastern European. Which probably explains my overreaction. My time in the Balkans, and my knee jerk expectations on hearing Slavic/Russian accents. Even h though I’m 99.99999% over that bit of nonsense.

They both told each other off.

She came inside. He drove up and down the street and then parked with her house in view, & his license plate hidden. For hours. Until my sister left. And then he followed her off the street. Of course (roll eyes) the entire time he sat watching the house, I sat on the deck watching him. And for any car of young/fit/armed people coming to meet him. (Because I’m an idiot, with massive bias, my head half in the past in other worlds and other lives.) I sat, knowing I was being ridiculous, and wondering if his head was in the same place. An old woman shouting, at him? How ridiculous. How thin skinned. How not worthy of his notice.

I rang my sister, as he followed her out. She made a turn he didn’t, but is on the lookout. I got his plate number. And general description. Elderly, Caucasian, Easter European accent in a black Cadillac sedan with silver points, plate number _______.

And now I’m awake. Waiting for the house to be fire bombed, now that it’s dark.

FFS.

Traaaaaauma histories.

I know that’s what this is.

But I’ll be up until dawn.

Wondering if this old man & I share a past. Share a present.
 
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I'm trying to make it but why is this so hard. I'm not sure this is worth the fight anymore. The back and forth feeling like I'm weak and weakness is unacceptable for me but I accept it in others. Maybe one day I lose myself but for now I will hold on.
 
Wish I were a mom, didn't seem just to exist my whole life for other's needs. Not that I'm b*tcing about that part, but wish there had been someone who cared about mine. Pity party table for one I guess.

Also wish every time they yapped about MAID exclusion they didn't quote the antidote as family, or even palliative care when no one wants to do palliative care. Or say 'only' mental issues or simply no support.
 
Great Britain has a parliament / House of Commons of 650 members for a population of 67 million.

The US has a House of Representatives 435, for a population of 331 million.

= Is it any wonder most Americans feel disconnected from, & unrepresented in, government?

That 435? Was set/capped when our population was 121 million, in 1929. Now, I’ll be the first to agree 1500 members of the House of Reps would be unwieldy, even by DC standards. And splitting the US into major regions, could very predicitbly lead toward the balkanization of the US faster than just about anything else I can think of. But? We already have state congresses, & state supreme courts & etc. So it would, be equally easy to sidestep such seditious consequences… as well as consolidate regional interests… with just the tiniest bit of common sense applied. Rather than divided states special interests all feuding against themselves getting virtually nothing done. Ah well. Never gonna happen.
 
Stressing about the police. I am team ACAB anyway. This is never going to go away this is never going to go away this is forever it doesn’t matter when I throw I’m the towel I am always going to be haunted by this.

police can’t recover deleted WhatsApp messages. Thats a fact I’m pretty sure. He’s so smart, he’s so much smarter then I’m ever going to be.

as for a restraining order? Does my brain count for enough evidence? Or is that another impossible thing.

if anyone reading this has got a restraining order, what is the process? Does anyone know how one goes about it? Not that I will, I’m just curious at this point.
 
I been thinking of how I can't remember faces and can't even remember mine. Once in a while I look in the mirror and remember like oh I had freckles forgot all about that and right I had that scar on my face from when I was a kid and just forgot it was still there. I will look at random pictures especially when I had facbook and be like is that me but look at the names and understand that I don't know them what's so ever.

It's been close to year now this one person at work I use to always joke around with until COVID hit and I think he start wearing almost a full face mask and the clothes were different. To this day I still try to see if that is a different person or the same guy. I feel bad cause if that is the same person he might wonder why I stopped talking but on the other hand if he not that is good.

Random thoughts at work right now and would like to go home. long rant 😤
 
if anyone reading this has got a restraining order, what is the process? Does anyone know how one goes about it? Not that I will, I’m just curious at this point.
I spent several months attempting to do it on my own… hired an attorney, and I had 11 filed (5 on my, 5 on my son, 1 on the family pet) in under half an hour.

I’ll never attempt such a thing on my own, ever again. Wham, bam! I spent more in gas and parking, on my own, than I did in attorneys fees.
 
I spent several months attempting to do it on my own… hired an attorney, and I had 11 filed (5 on my, 5 on my son, 1 on the family pet) in under half an hour.

I’ll never attempt such a thing on my own, ever again. Wham, bam! I spent more in gas and parking, on my own, than I did in attorneys fees.
what kind of things do they ask? What do you need evidence on?

thanks for replying. (:
 
what kind of things do they ask? What do you need evidence on?

thanks for replying. (:
With the attorney? Virtually no questions whatsoever. I briefly outlined my situation, she pulled out a stack of forms, explained why it was going to be 11 instead of the 1 I’d been trying for; she filled them out, and then we walked across the street to the courthouse and zipped around between a dozen rooms across 3 floors; filled with people who stamped things, and people who smiled encouragingly, and people who stamped things, and people who smiled, and people who stamped things, and then I took the completed packet and dropped it in a box for the police.

On my own? It was a clusterf*ck of nasty people, asking invasive questions that had nothing to do with my situation, telling me I was in the wrong place, sending me somewhere else I’d already been, who told me to come here, the next place the person was on vacation, or only in on Tuesdays, and to see the place I’d been 3 weeks ago… it was a nightmare of exhaustion, frustration, tears, queues hours long, incorrect information, misdirection, and trying not to scream or collapse into a puddle on the floor or get arrested for grabbing up the person behind the counter by the collar. It was literally months of this.
 
With the attorney? Virtually no questions whatsoever. I briefly outlined my situation, she pulled out a stack of forms, explained why it was going to be 11 instead of the 1 I’d been trying for; she filled them out, and then we walked across the street to the courthouse and zipped around between a dozen rooms across 3 floors; filled with people who stamped things, and people who smiled encouragingly, and people who stamped things, and people who smiled, and people who stamped things, and then I took the completed packet and dropped it in a box for the police.

On my own? It was a clusterf*ck of nasty people, asking invasive questions that had nothing to do with my situation, telling me I was in the wrong place, sending me somewhere else I’d already been, who told me to come here, the next place the person was on vacation, or only in on Tuesdays, and to see the place I’d been 3 weeks ago… it was a nightmare of exhaustion, frustration, tears, queues hours long, incorrect information, misdirection, and trying not to scream or collapse into a puddle on the floor or get arrested for grabbing up the person behind the counter by the collar. It was literally months of this.

okay. So, if I were to file, I’ll get an attorney. Although, I have a consultant psychiatrist who could maybe write me a letter, and I am currently in patient, so I’m not sure how the whole thing would pan out. Anyways, I hope they bring up the option rather than me trying to explain myself. currently I’m not even aloud out on the grounds for a cigg, for the fear (the staffs fear) of me being kidnapped. So I guess something needs to be done.

thanks for explaining btw, really helps
 
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