DID Suspected DID and I'm very resistant

[Midnightmoon]

I get what you mean... there's alot of stigma attached and it's a diagnosis which even alot of therapists steer clear of...

I was diagnosed with DDNOS (now OSDD) about 7 years ago... I denied it all that time... Amd it's only recently I've allowed myself to look into it with curiosity to find whether it fits what I'm truly experiencing or not...

You mention your T is an assessor at one of the leading UK clinics. My assessor was too and I found this to be a double edged sword. First, the 'they must know what they are talking about then they know their shi*.' Then, 'this is someone who is very invested in working in a certain way (seeing everything through the lens of DDs) and I don't want to be a guinea pig and just be fit into that mold.'

For me, the feelings have shifted from denial to curiosity. I am beginning to educate myself more (please be careful looking up random DID YouTube videos... they can be really damaging and very artificial done by people who want to put their experience out there as 'THE COLLECTIVE DID EXPERIENCE' which just isn't the case)... I find the CTAD clinic videos for the most part informative and practical.. check them out). And I'm also very aware now that ignoring my diagnosis for 7 years didn't get me far in the long run.. so I'm open to new therapy possibilities now... I've also realised that some of my experiences I'm being to therapy aren't known to my T who is very experienced... but not trained in DDs... so another clue that something is going on there...

In terms of feeling like you've lied and are being dramatic, DID or not, these are common feelings about trauma as well as other diagnoses... just watch them from a far and be curious...

They other thing I'm learning about DID is it's not necessarily correlated just to severe and enduring trauma... they are beginning to link it to more subtle forms of attachment issues, during the early years, including well meaning parents who just weren't able to provide a stable attachment for whatever reason eg mental illness... which can go on to create the same feelings of unsafety that other more overtly and severely abused kids experience...

So what you view as not a big deal you may have to reframe looking from the point of view of little you ... the environment the people and access to support you didn't have, your level of perceived safety, whether objectively real or not...


I understand this 100%

At the end of the day, all diagnoses aren't the objective truthful identity of any of us... they just try to capture and make sense of certain sypmtoms which are experienced also by others and can be helpful in guiding therapeutic approaches, based on research done etc... but it doesn't change who you are as a person...

Its not for anyone here to convince you whether you do or don't have a DD.. but perhaps look into it with interest about what strategies could be offered to help you through your journey.

And tell your T to slow down. No one should be pushing any diagnosis on to you. Tell her you have the info and when you're ready you will initiate the convo with them. If you can

You've explained so bang on how it feels to be in my head but I couldn't find the words for, so thank you. I get the processing time of something like this isn't a quick fix, but even just typing out this stuff helps me accept the notion of the idea that little bit more. CTAD videos are really good. Its that balance of finding info without ending up down a rabbit hole of people almost 'performing' to camera which I find incredibly difficult.

(And heck yes to the double edge sword, having a T as an expert in the field means every word and movement is analysed to work out 'the system', which just sets my cynicism off).

 

[beaneeboo]

. CTAD videos are really good. Its that balance of finding info without ending up down a rabbit hole of people almost 'performing' to camera which I find incredibly difficult.

Yeah, honestly steer clear from people professing they know how to teach you all about DID based on their own experience...esp those on YouTube.. it's become almost celebrity like in style.. like the in thing to be... very very annoying and actually not a true account for most who have it... watching those videos will really mess with your own journey of you looking into yourself to see what feels right...

It's also possible to take bits of what resonates from a diagnosis and leave other parts.. not everyone experiences it in the same way...discard what isn't useful and collect what is..

It's also your right to disagree with that diagnosis! T may well be an expert but it's your right to say if you accept itor not! Just stay open to learning and observing and there's no time limit. If you're not ready now to look intuì it more deeply, come back to it.

(And heck yes to the double edge sword, having a T as an expert in the field means every word and movement is analysed to work out 'the system', which just sets my cynicism off).

Mine too!! This is where other people's language gets put out there as gospel but may not ring true for you. Like I said, discard what isn't useful and keep what is. Tell your T the term system isn't working for you!

 

[Sideways]

CTAD videos are really good. Its that balance of finding info without ending up down a rabbit hole of people almost 'performing' to camera which I find incredibly difficult.

I haven’t watched the vids (not a fan of info delivered via YouTube - personal bugbear!!) but the CTAD clinic boasts a pretty solid list of credentialed specialists. Specialist dissociative clinics can be very hard to come by these days, so that’s potentially an excellent resource for UK folks with DID.

 

[beaneeboo]

I haven’t watched the vids (not a fan of info delivered via YouTube - personal bugbear!!) but the CTAD clinic boasts a pretty solid list of credentialed specialists. Specialist dissociative clinics can be very hard to come by these days, so that’s potentially an excellent resource for UK folks with DID.

I can vouch for this! ctad has a really exhaustive list of self education videos on DDs (it'snot just DID). Including alot of practical suggestions but mainly really good education and discussion. I think it's also the best option for those people who can't get DD specialist therapy (this isn't the aim of the videos as it's not a substitute for therapy but they are aiming to improve people's awareness and education on the matter which is really valuable - and also an important part of healing)...

 

[Friday]

I’ve had a couple/few therapists I was interviewing to work with attempt to Dx DID on the spot… JUST because I switch accents during flashbacks.

I don’t have DID.

I HAVE moved around a lot, and have different accents in play, during those times in my life. IE they’re totally normal side effects of flashbacks, when I’m reliving who/when I was THEN… rather than representative of wholly different personalities.

Other people’s opinions? Are just that.

 

[Midnightmoon]

Yeah, honestly steer clear from people professing they know how to teach you all about DID based on their own experience...esp those on YouTube.. it's become almost celebrity like in style.. like the in thing to be... very very annoying and actually not a true account for most who have it... watching those videos will really mess with your own journey of you looking into yourself to see what feels right...

It's also possible to take bits of what resonates from a diagnosis and leave other parts.. not everyone experiences it in the same way...discard what isn't useful and collect what is..

It's also your right to disagree with that diagnosis! T may well be an expert but it's your right to say if you accept itor not! Just stay open to learning and observing and there's no time limit. If you're not ready now to look intuì it more deeply, come back to it.

Mine too!! This is where other people's language gets put out there as gospel but may not ring true for you. Like I said, discard what isn't useful and keep what is. Tell your T the term system isn't working for you!

Like an idiot YouTube was my first port of call and I was horrified at some of the 'teachings'. You're right there seems to be it being associated with a desirable/ 'fashionable' diagnosis which just makes me retract from it even more. The clinic videos aren't like that at all and feel very accessible.

I think I've definitely learnt from this thread that I need to communicate, somehow, the need to slow down. I'm happy for it to sit there as a possibility but I need it way softer than the current approach

 

[Midnightmoon]

I’ve had a couple/few therapists I was interviewing to work with attempt to Dx DID on the spot… JUST because I switch accents during flashbacks.

I don’t have DID.

I HAVE moved around a lot, and have different accents in play, during those times in my life. IE they’re totally normal side effects of flashbacks, when I’m reliving who/when I was THEN… rather than representative of wholly different personalities.

Other people’s opinions? Are just that.

That's scary to try and push a diagnosis so quick...on the grounds of at best an hour's assessment! I have significant amnesia attached to parts presentation, so if T tells me they've just been talking to a little about dinosaurs, I have to believe that that's true, as I have nil recollection of it myself.

 

[Friday]

I have significant amnesia attached to parts presentation,

Same. It’s just not to a part, but my own self.

 

[DarkVixen]

9 months ago my previous therapy broke down completely and I spiraled. They were my first T, the ending was awful, unplanned and with no referral or plan. Basically, it was a checklist of how not to treat a therapy client, let alone one with trust issues....

After hitting the very bottom of rock bottom I concluded that avoiding was only making me worse and I've started seeing someone new. They've shared that they feel there is a high likelihood what I'm experiencing is DID, on top of the CPTSD already diagnosed. They'd like to eventually work towards a proper diagnosis, but for now happy to keep working and assessing.

I am really, really struggling with the idea of DID to the point that I want to run and never go back. I feel like I've not only lied my way through a CPTSD diagnosis, but now I'm being so dramatic they think I'm presenting as having DID too.

Anyone with DID, do these feelings shift? Is there any way to work out if it's 'real'? T says I'm in denial, where as I feel I've just failed to 'human like a normal person.

Truthfully, the stigma comes from media sensationalism and Hollywood movies.

Dissociation is not as uncommon as people think. Take a motorcycle course and they teach you to look out for drivers that are face forward, hands on the wheel, but otherwise there's no one home. They aren't looking for a motorcycle on the road. They're hitting their turn signals on reflex of taking the same drive every morning for 10 years. That's dissociation. Daydreaming with a vacant stare, you can say that they are half asleep, but what about people on autopilot changing lanes, pressing on the brake. Would it make a good movie? Probably not.

Obviously DID is way more complex but dissociation itself is a pretty common phenomenon.

 

[whiteraven]

The average length of time that someone needs to be in therapy before they get diagnosed with DID is about 7 years.

Not sure where you are getting your stats? This wholly depends on how the client presents. I was in for way less than that, but once I got a therapist out of college, my insiders started showing up at nearly every session.

My assessor was too and I found this to be a double edged sword. First, the 'they must know what they are talking about then they know their shi*.' Then, 'this is someone who is very invested in working in a certain way (seeing everything through the lens of DDs) and I don't want to be a guinea pig and just be fit into that mold.'

This is true. My T was an "expert" in DID, and it took a long while for me to believe him for this very reason.

steer clear from people professing they know how to teach you all about DID based on their own experience...esp those on YouTube..

And it's so important to know that DID can present differently in different people. For example, some have a very detailed inner landscape, whereas others don't.

That's scary to try and push a diagnosis so quick...on the grounds of at best an hour's assessment! I have significant amnesia attached to parts presentation, so if T tells me they've just been talking to a little about dinosaurs, I have to believe that that's true, as I have nil recollection of it myself.

Yeah, I had all kinds of experiences like this with a variety of insiders and no recollection.