Sense of Pride in Accomplishments, or Lack Of

[OceanSpray]

Does everyone feel a sense of pride in accomplishing anything?

Because I don’t.

I’ve started a new very, very physically demanding job and at the end of a particularly grueling day, everyone else was looking around like how cool is it that we did this? And I just don’t feel it. I feel nothing. Or worse than nothing, I feel resentful for having to do it in the first place.

 

[Movingforward10]

It's hard to feel joy and happiness when you're suppressing/numbing/denying parts of yourself to feel other things (terror etc). So yep, I think a blanket of 'no feeling' and that turning into negativity is common.

Is it something you want to work on an change?

 

[Ecdysis]

Yes, I relate to this. It's a very insidious part of my depression because when I actually scrape together some remnants of motivation and *do* something, I would hope that there would be at least some vague, slight hint of a sense of achievement... But nope... crickets... It's horrible.

 

[mszl]

Same here. I think, I don't even see some of accomplishments I probably make (I hope that's the case). But even if I acknowledge it, I get nothing.

 

[Midnightmoon]

Adding to the yes pile. I was brought up that celebrating achievement was seen as shameful (my own.... bizzarely everyone else's was perfectly allowed...) and I guess you sort of switch off to it.

When I graduated and my certificate came in the post (didn't go to graduation, again, too shameful) I binned it like it was a flyer without even getting it out the envelope. Didn't realise I'd need it for work, the poor HR woman looked utterly confused as to why I'd done it.

 

[arfie]

used to. in my own case, the inability to take pride in much of anything was connected to my fear of joy. my early conditioning was what felt like punishment for any and all accomplishments in my life. i still haven't completely overcome this psycho tick, but works in progress.

the good news is that healing happens. i hope it happens here.

 

[No More]

Depends on what the achievement is. Somethings, totally meh, like tumbleweed blowing about.

But things I *want* to achieve at, that I put hours and hours of training into, for sure, massive sense of accomplishment, like a proper high. I’m mega competitive, and it’s what I live for. Winning, succeeding, overcoming, finish line feels.

 

[Teasel]

I suspect I experience obscene amounts of joy, pleasure, pride and other such feelings with every tiny achievement I manage.

Functioning much at all is so hard for me. When I manage to do something I'm incredibly grateful.

 

[Weemie]

It depends on what it is. I don't take pride in jobs, ever. I don't have the qualifications to get a job that I would be proud of, and the nature of how work is organized in our civilization itself repulses me deeply. While I don't feel the sensation of pride, I've begun practicing noticing moments where self-pride would be appropriate according to my values. Things like learning new skills, assisting others, mental fortitude, etc.

I don't have the emotion but I acknowledge things that are worthy of pride. Maybe one day it will click. Strangely in contrast I mark not having a job as something for the pride-pile. I exist outside of societal standards that disgust me. I am willing to become homeless to maintain my freedom. My life is great, because I can focus on my hobbies. Which are meaningless, and that's fantastic.

The reason I do this is because I spent the first thirty years of my life conditioned to view myself as a piece of shit because I am disabled and unemployable. I have had jobs in the past and I veer hard into both homicidality and suicidality because it pushes me beyond my physical (I have untreated CRPS) and mental (PTSD and avolition/catatonia/pathological PDA) capacity.

So throughout my life I internalized that my lack of ability to work consistently (I can hold a job through extensive drug/alcohol abuse for about a year before I have to quit because I can't control my aggression) made me bad.

Now I try to reverse that: work as it exists now is a structural failure anyway, with complete disregard for disabled individuals (who have the right to life and liberty like anyone else) so I am not obligated to participate. I would be more proud of being able to have fun, frankly.

 

[OceanSpray]

Thank you all, I guess I feel twofold, better for not being alone but also sad that it’s such a universal thing.

I do want to change it, at least to a point that I’m not immediately negative about all the things wrong. It’s exhausting to never see much positive but I don’t know how to turn off that voice.

 

[Friday]

I feel pride in challenges, not accomplishments.

 

[rdd]

Does everyone feel a sense of pride in accomplishing anything?

Because I don’t.

I’ve started a new very, very physically demanding job and at the end of a particularly grueling day, everyone else was looking around like how cool is it that we did this? And I just don’t feel it. I feel nothing. Or worse than nothing, I feel resentful for having to do it in the first place.

Are you like this with everything or just your job? Most of the time, I don't feel anything no matter how good my life is or what accomplishments I have made. With me, it is depression. I have learned to manage it for decades. If you think you are depressed, please respond to me and I will share with you some things that can help relieve the depression....at least on a temporary basis.