Reasonable Response Times for Emails? (Am I Crazy?)

[RainbowSearchParty]

I want to know: what is a reasonable response time for a professional email? I'm really struggling with this for a few reasons, and I have no idea if my perceptions are correct or not. Please tell me what you think!

I am an American living abroad. In the States, emails and other professional communications are typically responded to in 24-48 hours, MAX. If someone is out of the office, they will have an out-of-office reply with info on who to connect with instead of them if you need a more urgent response. But here, in this new country, emails (from all sorts of businesses, services, etc) will go weeks and weeks at a time without reply. And this somehow seems to be normal?

I reached out to a potential therapist three weeks ago after being referred to them by another person who was in contact with the therapist directly. It's been radio silence. If I were in the US, I would write this person off as non-responsive and a bad fit for me. But it seems like everyone here is non-responsive, or that the norm is different, and I'm afraid that I'm making a cultural error here.

How long is too long to wait for a reply? What is normal? Is this normal? And do I just have unreasonable expectations for prompt replies?

(and this isn't a question of the US vs other countries, just me trying to see if I am totally crazy or not ....)

 

[Charbella]

Have you considered that you’re off by a letter?

Weeks is too long. What’s keeping you from calling?

 

[arfie]

when in rome. . .

seems like a local of the country you are living in would be a more reliable source. perhaps the person who referred you?

 

[Movingforward10]

It is really interesting as different countries do respond different. In the UK, it's similar to the US. But I found in Spain, it's like how you experience the country you are in. And like you, I wrote professionals off as didn't get a response. But it was a cultural thing (this was a few years ago, I don't know if it is the same now).

Anyway, finding a therapist is important. So, can you phone them?
Or, if it is too important to you this non reply, do what you feel is the right thing and ditch them

It's also, what is reasonable to you? 3 weeks for me from a therapist does not seem reasonable at all.

 

[No More]

I give it 3 working days as a standard response time.
Usually there’s an automated OOF if they aren’t available.

3 weeks I’d be moving on. Or calling, if that’s local standard practice?

 

[Midnightmoon]

They might have forgotten to put an out of office on? In my ongoing saga to find a therapist who is both competent and willing to take on disasters (nothing like selling myself) I've had someone take a month to respond and another 7 weeks (I'd long given up with both by then but the emails were replied to out of the blue)

One had been sick and as a sole practitioner no one was able to reply to messages on her behalf, the other was on a month's sabbatical and forgot to set up an email auto reply...

Worth maybe expanding your net a bit and seeing who else is about?

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

Have you considered that you’re off by a letter?

Weeks is too long. What’s keeping you from calling?

I only have email as a contact. Also, frankly, I have DID. So having a trace of conversation is important to me; I can't always remember verbal conversations, and so I really like having a paper trail I can refer to when I'm not sure what has happened.

seems like a local of the country you are living in would be a more reliable source.

Yes, I agree. But part of me needing a therapist is that all my support is in my country of origin, not here, where I am living.

Or, if it is too important to you this non reply, do what you feel is the right thing and ditch them

I'm just not sure.

Worth maybe expanding your net a bit and seeing who else is about?

Trauma therapists seem a hard breed to come by here. Also, the minimum education to be a therapist is a 3 year degree, and I'm just too old (and jaded) to accept. So My plan was to ask, if this therapist couldn't see me, if they had referalls to other trauma-informed therapists.

But it was a cultural thing (this was a few years ago, I don't know if it is the same now).

This is what I'm trying to sort. My gut tells me this is a cultural thing, but I'm still really upset about it.

 

[Movingforward10]

This is what I'm trying to sort. My gut tells me this is a cultural thing, but I'm still really upset about it.

It's understandable you're upset about it. Reaching out to a therapist can feel vulnerable making.
Can you reach out again and ask if they can respond to you within 5 days? And then if they don't, write it off?

It could be like @Midnightmoon says: maybe they forgot their out of office.
But for me, that would still be a worry as I need to have quite clear parameters with a T.

Either way, it sounds like waiting is causing more uncertainty. So what can you do to get certainty? I see that you want it in writing because of DID. Can you phone and then email your overview of the conversation or write it down, so that you have a record?

 

[Weemie]

If everyone is similar, then it's cultural. Up to you how to react. Personally if a therapist didn't respond to me after a week or so I'd assume they have no interest in taking me on as a client and disregard. You mentioned wanting a trail, so your next best option is to start making phone calls. You can record them for later (advise the person you are recording because you have issues with amnesia) or write down the gist of the conversation as it's happening. There's not really much else to do if everybody is on a different wavelength than you are.

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

But for me, that would still be a worry as I need to have quite clear parameters with a T.

Yeah, that is part of the problem for me, but I do think that what I want and need might just not be available in this country. And moving isn't an option, so I need to figure out how to work within this system, for better or for worse.

There's not really much else to do if everybody is on a different wavelength than you are.

I think this is the frustration for me. And it is about this therapist, but also extends to the health care system as a whole and the fact that it is just SO HARD to get stuff done here because people have a different relationship to work than I do.

It is a bit ironic, however, as part of the reason I want to see a therapist is to deal with the cultural shock/my inability to adapt/whether or not I want to adapt. So there's that, too.

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

Okay just an update. I reached back out like you all suggested. She responded quickly and like @Midnightmoon said, it was just a case of an email getting lost in the shuffle. Something about the response felt defensive and weird to me, and now I’m trying to sort out how I feel about that. Apparently there is a waitlist to see her, so I asked to be put on it because I figured that it was better to have options than not. We will see.

 

[Midnightmoon]

Okay just an update. I reached back out like you all suggested. She responded quickly and like @Midnightmoon said, it was just a case of an email getting lost in the shuffle. Something about the response felt defensive and weird to me, and now I’m trying to sort out how I feel about that. Apparently there is a waitlist to see her, so I asked to be put on it because I figured that it was better to have options than not. We will see.

Options are always a good thing, I'm glad you managed to re contact and got a reply speedily this time round