Sufferer I was just diagnosed and don't know how to feel

[fltransplant90]

I feel like everyone in my life is gonna think I'm crazy or treat me differently. I'm so scared.
I'm going to therapy to learn ways to cope and manage it. I was raped as a teen also grew up in an emotionally abusive religious household, amongst other things. When there's no consistency or stability in my life, especially in relationships, I get triggered or always feel like I'm doing something wrong or will ruin things. I always feel like I'm unlovable or difficult. I started having more anxiety and panic attacks recently and sometimes nothing relieves them other than waiting til I tire out enough to fall asleep. Medication is something I want to be a last resort because I'm afraid of the side effects.

 

[parrotthepolly]

I mean no one will treat you different if you don't tell them, some people just don't get mental illness.

 

[fltransplant90]

I mean no one will treat you different if you don't tell them, some people just don't get mental illness.

I already feel terrible because my bf who was so supportive of going with me to therapy has been blowing me off and ignoring me since I shared it with him. So it's quite discouraging

 

[Sues]

Hello and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Being newly diagnosed can feel overwhelming, and having your bf walk out only adds to that. Feeling unsure and lost is completely normal. I still feel that way a lot of the time. You'll find a lot of us on here are going through similar stuff and we understand and are supportive. This is a safe space to talk it out.

 

[parrotthepolly]

I already feel terrible because my bf who was so supportive of going with me to therapy has been blowing me off and ignoring me since I shared it with him. So it's quite discouraging

He doesn't seem like a good guy if he's not willing to sit through it, like I said some people just don't get it but someone else will.

 

[fltransplant90]

Hello and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Being newly diagnosed can feel overwhelming, and having your bf walk out only adds to that. Feeling unsure and lost is completely normal. I still feel that way a lot of the time. You'll find a lot of us on here are going through similar stuff and we understand and are supportive. This is a safe space to talk it out.

Thank you so much. Definitely have been feeling alone. Especially since I live in another state away from my family and don't have any friends here. Sometimes my neighbor checks in on me and that's nice but I get scared of opening up to anyone too much out of fear they'll leave. As far as with my bf he's been weird and cold to me, I'm supposed to see him soon and kind of want to know if he can't handle it, as much as it hurts, because if he can't better to know now.
I live alone with just my cat and he is my biggest source of comfort.

 

[arfie]

hello fltran. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

do we get a choice in how to feel? the heart goes where it goes. personally, i think it might be easier to control the ocean tides than to control feelings, especially after life has thrown a new and unexpected curve ball. life has just served you a doozy.

on my own recovery road, i work to suspend judgement of my emotions and observe said emotions with as much objectivity as i can muster, especially where precious friends and family members are concerned. emphasis on "work to suspend." sometimes that work is more successful than others. at best, it is easier said than done.

whatever you decide is right for your next step, support can make a HUGE diff. support such as can be found in support groups such as this one, both live and online.

welcome aboard, fltran. i hope you find stabilizing companionship here.

 

[Abstract]

I've realised that not have a safe someone to go to when bad things happen is a big part of the problem. It compounds trauma in new ways. You are already doing so well, as seem to have a clear understanding of the wrongs you encountered. Just try and be kind and patient with yourself. Phoning support lines may also help ground you. Are they offering you therapy? Once you know the problem you can start to target the right thing. But I understand the complexity of receiving a diagnosis. It almost tore me apart when O received mine.

 

[Jade-]

I feel like everyone in my life is gonna think I'm crazy or treat me differently. I'm so scared.

I can relate to feeling that way. I worried what people would think when I was first diagnosed too.

The thing is though, you are the same you that you were before getting diagnosed, It's just that now there's a name for what you have been struggling with. Anyone that knows you already knows what you're like so it shouldn't change anything, well maybe besides them understanding you better

 

[parrotthepolly]

I've realised that not have a safe someone to go to when bad things happen is a big part of the problem. It compounds trauma in new ways.

Ok I can confirm this 100%. It's hard to put the feeling into words but loneliness itself can turn the mind into a dark place.

Always thought most of what I've experienced "isn't too bad" but some stuff have a huge impact on my perspective, not just on the trauma but everything else as well. Considering it's all bottled inside yeah makes sense, and humans are supposed to be social creatures anyway so it can come out in ugly ways at the worst times.

 

[anthony]

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