Tired Of People Telling Me That Ptsd Isn't An Excuse..

[Faye_Valentine]

I'm so sick of people telling me that PTSD isn't real or that it isn't an excuse for an inability to keep a job, or that it's my fault I can't find a lot of friends and PTSD has nothing to do with it.

I struggle every day with trying to find friends. I try SO hard. I talk to everyone I can, and try to get out as much as possible. I try my hardest to listen to what other people have to say, even if it's something I have no interest in. I really DO try.

However, on another forum I frequent I started a thread a bit back about my issues and some stuff I was going through and while a lot of people there were supportive there's one or two people who're going on about "Well, you just haven't tried hard enough." and "PTSD isn't an excuse".

I don't think they understand how serious of an issue it is, or how hard it is to deal with. I have a VERY hard time talking to people and being in the general public.

GRRRRRRRR.

 

[Sqweak]

It only takes one person to bring you down doesn't? I wouldn't give those people a second thought more then likely if it isn't happening to them then they don't care. I understand how hard it is, trying to make my professors understand is like teaching english to a dolphin. I hope you know that you have friends here, maybe one the most supportive places i've been in a while. Give yourself time and try not to worry about what other people think, what's most important is that you do what you have to do take care of yourself.

 

[ronin47]

Don't pay attention to them, they don't understand. Just like I wouldn't pay attention to a guy who tries to tell me I shouldn't travel when he's never left the United States in his life. He just doesn't know what he's talking about. It's very easy for people to hold others to a certain standard if they seem normal from the outside.

 

[blogitout]

Yeah I agree with the other posts above here..
Accept people for who they are ,they do not get it..And it is ok..Be glad they do not get it...You can not make some one understand who you are..You are you and unique.
We of ptsd look ok
We of ptsd are strong
We are unique and need people accepting around us to make it.
and need to accept people we choose to have around may not understand..or move on..
Focus on healing..and not others..At the moment I have my walls up nice and sturdy so I can heal and not have other peoples lives affect me..Not saying they can not come down and join in there conversations and be apart of there life..But for now I am me and dealing with just me.

 

[OKRADLAK]

People like that,well, just wait. Life likes to chew people up. Let them rot in hell.

 

[caliaviator]

I'm so sick of people telling me that PTSD isn't real or that it isn't an excuse for an inability to keep a job, or that it's my fault I can't find a lot of friends and PTSD has nothing to do with it.

I struggle every day with trying to find friends. I try SO hard. I talk to everyone I can, and try to get out as much as possible. I try my hardest to listen to what other people have to say, even if it's something I have no interest in. I really DO try.

I'm in the same boat as you. It's hard to make friends because when you open up, then we start to realize "omg I opened up too much" and then we go back to our comfort zone. It's also hard because we have to force ourselves to do these things. The people who say this are the people who don't want to understand what PTSD is, so as hard as it is to leave them alone, just remind yourself that unless they really know what it's like to have PTSD their opinion is invalid. You'll find your support in people who understand and have your issue.

 

[blogitout]

[DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/members/caliaviator.8844/"]
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[DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/members/caliaviator.8844/"]caliaviator said[/DLMURL] :You'll find your support in people who understand and have your issue.

I have found this to be a hard part...even when I was in the hospital I felt so very alone,I mentioned it and the nurse said trust me you are not the only one some people just keep to them selves...she said she would mention it to the staff and see who I could talk to ...which was great but am I friends with them now nope..
Support groups around here for this na...Do not know of any...

 

[Tinyflame]

I think for virtually everyone- even without ptsd- if you get 99 great 'reviews' and 1 bad, you'll likely remember the bad one.

I don't even understand myself, let alone expect any one else to, and I can easily despair and not be able to make sense of much, or know which way to turn, or how.
And yes, it is a virtual constant, daily battle.

That being said, there are major differences in how people can respond.
It is very hard to let anyone (really, in 'truth') get close to me.

I'm kind of 'glad' when people don't get it, in so far as I wouldn't want them to have had to go thru this/ feel this way. I would hope to be understood, or forgiven, but not at (that) expense.
I, too, have to learn to not judge who is judgmental.

 

[Abrasky]

I agree with this but only one thing, I think if you believe what they say then there is something inside of you that agrees with it. Someone saying something to me can be a trigger for a flashback unleashing my inner volcano and freezing feelings. Someone telling me if you work you are bad triggered a memory of a few times where I was told this and my life was threatened and my brothers life was threatened. I think why would I work if I feel like these things would happen? I wouldn't. It takes ALL the energy to fight triggers like this, easy and more productive to put the energy into good therapy to remember the memories cause these triggers than fight with myself about my bad beliefs about myself in my opinion.

I wasn't fighting with the people that said I should work, I was fighting with my memories that were fragmented that told me I wasn't able to work.

I like the most about how one therapist told me I'd never get better at being an agoraphobic, or another who told me I had to overcome it and I wasn't doing the therapy right.

It's funny that they were wrong. I did overcome being agoraphobic, I did overcome many things with other therapists who told me that I needed to link my past back together.

PTSD sure explains beahvior. Normal people don't do things like I do. It's a no brainer. Fighting that is counterproductive I think.

 

[Nicolette]

No one can really ever comment or judge unless they have walked a mile in your shoes. I married someone who has PTSD and he was my friend first and still is...... maybe sometimes its the circles you keep which you may need to move out of and then 'choose' your words and perhaps use analogies which you know the people will relate to after you get to know them.

I was clueless about PTSD 4 years and 2 months ago - never had heard of it. Took a good 2 years to get my head around it properly and sometimes it still confuses me as what can be done one day may not be able the next. A loving husband can turn into someone in the house who doesn't want to be near anyone....... It's a journey and you learn as you progress.

 

[Deleted member 487]

Honestly? WHY tell them? Unless you are in the US and ask for an ADA accommodation, it's none of their business.

Not just MY opinion dear, but that of my fellow servicemen as well. Because I went to the website where we are guaranteed "safety", and I asked them about it. I always thought it was no ones business, and when I discussed it with them, I found I was not imagining things. Even though my counselors have, in the past, told me it is everyone's business; even though the counselors at the Colorado State Dept. of Vocational Rehabilitation told me that employers MUST know about it, my fellow vets said (I had to edit out the vulgarities, slurs and colorful adjectives)it's none of their business". Ever been in a room full of half-drunk angry milvets? You get the idea I'm sure. Funny thing is, they aren't just from the US. An Aussie, a Canadian, a French Foreign Legionaire, a Belgian, a couple Russians, and a retired Chinese officer (he immigrated to Canada). Oh yeah, and a few Americans.

Coincidentally, Insane Clown Posse's "To Catch A Predator" is well liked by the guys....

 

[anni]

I wish the whole guilt thing didn't come into play so frequently and so often. It's just inevitable that other's words affect us, and I suppose it's got to be part of our healing to be able to have it not be so. This does not make it easier, I know. If it's helpful, do know that for you personally, you're not offering any excuses to anybody, not attempting to 'let yourself off the hook', you know? You're offering a reason, and genuinely have one- it's PTSD, and not an 'excuse', nor do you wish it to be one.

As I said, I think part of our work is to figure out how to seperate ourselves from having these judgements shred us. certainly easier said than done and believe me- I look like something put through a mulcher some days with this. We're not going to change what any of the 'theys' think, so have to be content with knowing our reasons are not in fact mere excuse. Think I'm trying to say we're honestly, truly trying and just plain ok.