Is Snapping At Your Partner Abuse?

[Iwanttolovehim]

This is where I am stuck right now. Was getting better and not yelling so much, but have been backsliding within the last week. My trauma anniversary is coming up, and I am also badly affected by SAD. Both of those things are contributing to the problem.

I will be strict about using my lightbox, getting outside for exercise everyday, watching my diet, and being mindful that my words hurt and my family deserves better.

You are not alone there.... my BF and I are both sufferes and I think we both are having a bit of the same issues as you! Learning to breath through the heightened moments is difficult but not impossible... I find myself writing down a lot of the things that I used to scream out... so this way in my head they are still being said just not voiced and Im not hurting anyone.. I re read them later and realize how ridiulous it all generally is!

 

[Srain]

I was working my TT on this very issue yesterday and it's one I've discussed before but not as in depth. I worry about this as well, am I being abusive, am I becoming this evil person my mother was, am I turning out to be everything I hated or realizing all the reasons why I'll never be fit for human consumption??

What I got back was pretty much that I had to look at "why" was I doing it and what were my feelings behind doing it and after. The after was easy, I wanted to "spare" him of ever being around me again...knowing it was a mistake from the beginning. He, being the first really nice person I ever made a conscious decision to be in a relationship with...it was a risk and I've been terrified ever since...making me edgy with fear for HIM. I snap at him in warnings to be careful, don't push me because I have a really evil side, what that is is a fearful beat up side who fights anything and anyone, I am afraid of anyone getting too close who might hurt me; and then basically I get ready to pack, to save him. I feel I'm so damaged. All things that I am working on but as paranoia, flashbacks, nightmares, family, whatever hits me they get projected on to him.

Working through this is painful for me, having him really be a part of the treatment process is vital.

I don't know your issues but with PTSD, it's not the snappishness, it's the aftermath, what do you want to do about it?

Let me just say I'm not talking here about verbal abuse, demeaning emotional verbage. I'm talking about what Wifeof suggested.

 

[Truckinjoan]

Love the idea of wrting down what I want to blurt out. I do carry a notepad.

 

[MyStarryNight]

I've been extremely short fused with my husband in the past, especially before we knew exactly what was going on with me. And at times my husband considered it to the point of being abusive. It is something I deeply regret and will spend the rest of my life trying to make up to him. I think a lot of it really depends on how your partner views it. The best things that have helped me are counseling, learning affect regulation skills, and really communicating with my husband about my triggers. Oh, and running really helps. Some days I have A LOT of rage about everything that's happenned to me and if I don't burn it off through exercise it will invariably land on the wrong people.

 

[Iwanttolovehim]

Love the idea of wrting down what I want to blurt out. I do carry a notepad.

It really is a great habit to get into...just make sure that the anger you are writing is completely tranferred to that paper because if you start reading it over and over again it might have the opposite effect... I sometimes rip it up into tiny little pieces after I have finished writing... or if I can I light it on fire signifying that those thoughts are gone, dust, and will no longer affect me in that moment!

 

[Srain]

That is a great point, Iwant, there seems to be this spiraling effect I can do to myself. I have also found that my inner Rage is different from just Anger. I can be a power keg and when I'm at that point I have the responsibility to remove myself. My husband is an easy SAFE target when I'm having a flashback, this can be a HUGE problem and has been for us. What we are learning together are the signs.

I can easily transfer my issues on to him if I am not staying grounded and he can get caught up in my tornado if he gets frustrated or wants to do too much for me. Sometimes we have to walk away in order to help ourselves. I hope I'm making sense here.