Relationship Now I Need Help...

[SeekingSerenity]

Well done Trembling.

Compromises work, as long as you both stick to the agreements. You have also seen how difficult this ride is going to be, and you are still on it. That shows true love and dedication to your man. With your support he will be able to get it under control.

I wish you both the absolute best! :tup:

 

[Trembling]

Seeking Serenity - well, I know I have a choice, but at the end I do not have, as I love him.
We will see what the next week brings, I do not even think further ahead anymore, that would be too much to ask for.

I just wonder how others deal with the sometimes daily roller coaster, going to work and not let anyone see that you are not really in a good shape due to all the worries and the fears on your mind.
How can you still work and concentrate?

Thanks for the wishes! :)

 

[ProudWife99]

How can you still work and concentrate?

Successfully? Rarely. I can show up and look like I'm doing my job, but my mind is everywhere else. I hate it. I'm lucky in the way that things have been much better lately, but on the "bad" days or the days of mornings that turn into fights, I'm lucky just to keep from hiding under my desk!

 

[Trembling]

ProudWife99, not that I am glad, I am not alone, but at least I know now that others have the same problem as I have.

This is something I have to cope with, or better learn how to do it.
I am pretty good in pretending, but lately I sometimes just wished the earth would open up a hole where I could hide for a while and get my brain together.

 

[Trembling]

Well, one thing I already learnt here - PTSD sucks - PTSD is strong - PTSD takes over - and PTSD causes lots and lots of pain for the supporter AND the sufferer, but for now PTSD will not break me!!!

My love is back in the clinic, that was my day. I dropped him there, cried with him, felt terrible, but also relieved to have him in a safe place.

Since yesterday he was out of the real world, or lets say, he was back for the evening/night, but when I went back to work, it took over again. Then he took his fluid pain killer "alcohol" which of course at the end made everything worse.

He was in a physical fighting mode, not with me, but with the shadows, the noises, and he did not see me, or better, he looked through me. Quiet and calm talking for a few minutes helped me to get him through the staircase, begging him to take my hand as it will show him the safe way.

His flashbacks even hit in while I was driving the car, so I had to raise my voice a bit, to make him realize that no one else besides him and I were in the car.

When he got back to reality, he felt so bad and sorry, but at least still willing to stay in the clinic as he had asked me to reserve a room for him. He told me that this was the only way to keep him locked up to not hurt anyone, and especially himself. He was the one asking for help this time, asking me to take away the guilt and the shame for what he had done - in the past - and now.

I finally will go to sleep, I feel exhausted. But I still love him......am I crazy? :alien:

 

[amethist]

No you are not crazy Trembling, but you are a caring and loving wife. You did what you knew you could, then handed him over to the professionals.

You are his safe voice the one that leads him out of the darkness, and you like me know you can do this. He also trusts you to do it too, like my husband does.

I just want to give you a big hug, you deserve it for what you do for him.

Stay strong Trembling and take the time to get your inner strength back while he is being looked after for a while.

Hang in there and be good to yourself for a few days, in what ever way you can. He is in a safe place, so look after you now.

Amethist.

 

[ProudWife99]

((((((((Trembling)))))))))

Nothing crazy about what you are doing. I wish I had the right words, but they fail me.

 

[Trembling]

Amethist, the knowledge of him being safe gave me a couple of hours of good sleep.
I cannot and will not let him down, it is like a mission, but not an impossible one. Of course I am scared, but I do not want to give up believing, believing in him and in myself.

PW no more words needed, it is good to have you as support.

I'm having my morning coffee, had to get up early as we/I have the puppy my man brought home two weeks back, and as you can imagine, this little dog is a hand full! Now I have to arrange to leave work, to feed her, to go for a walk at lunch, and at the end somehow manage to visit my man after work, which is again 100 km away. Today I will not go, only if the doc suggests I should.

But as you Amethist said, I need to get some rest or peace again, without worries.
I just hope my man does not loose the job he just got this week.

HUGS back - I really need every hug I can get at the moment:(

 

[SeekingSerenity]

((((((((((Trembling))))))))))))

We all know the rollercoaster of emotions that you are dealing with, and its so hard sometimes. :(

My advice to you now, get all the rest and the quiet you can, prepare yourself for the next difficult time, so that you are more able to handle it. Its the only way we can support them, and retain our own sanity. I think you are now realising how important it is to "be good to you".

Have another hug Trembling... ((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))

It will be okay, it will all turn out right in the end. Have faith.... :tup:

 

[Trembling]

Dear SS, yep, this sounds so good.
And I am doing it - I will be good to myself, rest and be calm as much as possible, as I deserve it! :cool:

I am on the phone with my man a couple of times a day, and he also can send emails.
He spoke to the doc and we will see how it will work out. He knows that we cannot go through this stage again.
Ok, I can handle the small troubles, but the full range of drinking and PTSD - I guess even he knows right now this would be too much. THOUGH -of course I would do it again - but I just don't want to think about it now.

Thanks for the hug - this is what I need the most :)

 

[Trembling]

I forgot - I just received the book about PTSD Relationship and I will start reading it NOW. I also got the book Operators Manual for Combat PTSD, and I will definitely bring it to my man in the clinic.
HUGS

 

[Trembling]

This is my little bugger, who my man brought home from the streets to save it - and she is a hand full - just like him ;)