General Confused And Heartbroken

[meemersred]

I'm new to this, and I don't know where to go or who to talk to. I've only been dating my sufferer for three months, he told me he had PTSD and that he had a handle on it and the first 2 months of our relationship were amazing, probably the best I've ever had with anyone. He had a stressful event happen about a month ago which apparently turned in to a trigger. Since then I've watched the warmth in his eyes disappear, I've felt him slip farther and farther away so much so that his face has almost changed physically. It happened slow at first, then in the last week BAM! he's completely gone and needs space and I get the "it's not about you". He said he doesn't want to break up, but I'm a hot mess. I'm in tears every two seconds, I feel abandoned, angry, ugly, I can't sleep, having trouble eating. I don't know who to talk to, I feel like our relationship is too new for people on the outside to understand why I'm even contemplating on staying. I've been researching compulsively and it's breaking me more and more, though I read that it's really not me, how do you make yourself believe that? Can a relationship this new withstand chronic PTSD, and am I a foul for even thinking of sticking it out?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, you are not alone. He is doing what so many before him have done. I am sorry this is happening to you now. I do not have any answers for you. Go and read the supporters diarys and you will be armed with knowledge of what you are facing and dealing with. I wish you well. Good luck. Take good care of you, you deserve so much good.

 

[xlivingdeadgirl]

I would deff. give him his space. Let him know that you are still there for him but I would back away. It's honestly more than likely nothing to do with you. The last thing I would do is blame yourself.

What I have gained from experience is sufferers do not do well with others emotions. Crying, seeking out and being an emotional blubbering mess (which is usually what us girls are good at haha) isn't going to benefit him or you. It is probably just more fuel for him to back away from the situation.

Is your new relationship strong enough to withstand ptsd this early? I think that's a call you alone have to make. I also had to make this call with my sufferer who is an army veteran. We have only been dating about three months and he has had a few triggers that honestly did show me another side of him. He's worth it to me. It's only as strong as you want it to be.

I complusively read on this forum in efforts to prepare myself for the worst. There's nothing wrong with educating yourself about ptsd. Just know that not everyone's situation is the same. Your sufferer will react differently than someone elses. You just have to do a trial and error to find out what works for the two of you.

I would just give him some space and time to get over this sudden trigger. Just reassure him that you're avaliable, willing to talk (even if its not about his ptsd) and there for him. Best of luck to you.

 

[myvetswife]

I'm in tears every two seconds, I feel abandoned, angry, ugly, I can't sleep, having trouble eating.

I might missunderstand this, but this sounds like me when I have my depressions.

Do something for yourself. It is really not you. If he needs the space give it to him!

 

[meemersred]

What I have gained from experience is sufferers do not do well with others emotions. Crying, seeking out and being an emotional blubbering mess (which is usually what us girls are good at haha) isn't going to benefit him or you. It is probably just more fuel for him to back away from the situation.

Thank you so much! It is very comforting to hear that you have been in a similar situation. I have been giving him his space and I have been educating myself more and more. I wish I would've known what was going on a month ago when the little signs were showing themselves, because the more I educate myself the more I realize that me, being the crying, blubbering idiot that I was, may have pushed him farther in to his tail spin. I definitely think that he is worth it, i'm just not sure that I am strong enough to grow this "thick skin" needed to handle it. I want to be. I'm also so scared that how I've reacted to him pulling away from me may have caused permanent damage to our relationship...I just didn't know. Thank you so much!!

 

[meemersred]

I might missunderstand this, but this sounds like me when I have my depressions.

Do something for yourself. It is really not you. If he needs the space give it to him!

I absolutely am depressed about the situation. I just started really researching all of this two days ago and I'm absolutely trying to do the things that this book I am reading is suggesting...just having a difficult time. But, hopefully the more I read and the more I understand about this the more I can do to stop myself from going in to a tail spin too.

 

[Phenioxrising]

I appoligize very much for your situation. When were like this, sometimes we just need our space, to clear our head. Once you can see that he's willing to talk, see if he might disscuss what had happened to him.
That might give you a better understanding of what he's going through.

For all the information their is, onone but the suffer can tell you the actuall story behind the dissorder, and not the label.

 

[meemersred]

Thanks! I'm trying. I am guessing that's all I can do!

 

[Phenioxrising]

Have faith in yourself, and hope. Just know you can be their in his time of need.

Don't forget to take care of yourself as well. Don't neglect your needs.

 

[meemersred]

Have faith in yourself, and hope.
Just know you can be their in his time of need.
Don't forget to take care of yourself as well.
Don't neglect your needs.

I'm definitely trying to take care of myself. I read that most likely I am in the grieving process...I see that I'm bouncing back and forth through the first 4 stages with the ultimate goal of the final stage....acceptance.

 

[Phenioxrising]

Yes, that's tough. in the beginning...and seems like theirs no end sometimes. When it comes down to it. you have to learn to accept him for who he is.

Traumas, done to him, mistakes he's made in the past, as well as the person, now you know and love.

 

[xlivingdeadgirl]

You're doing the right thing by researching and seeking out. It shows that you really do care about him! Kudos to you. That's the first thing I did when I realized that my vet had ptsd.

I haven't gotten to the point where I have told my sufferer that I am on the forum and educating myself. I just dont' want to randomly bring it up and get him focused on the bad for no reason. I know he will appreciate it though when he does find out.

But I do agree with phenioxrising, work on bettering yourself during this time. Go pamper yourself. You deserve it. (& eat a sammich!! :D) It takes a strong woman (or man) to love someone with ptsd. Sometimes you have to put your emotions and needs on the sidelines to make sure they're first.

My vet hasn't gotten to the point where he will share stories yet or at least the ones that caused his ptsd but he has started sharing small things that are in relation. It'll just take time if he's willing to open up. But whatever you do, do not force it. A lot of the reason as to why they won't share is that they will be afraid you will view them as a monster (if it's combat/military related ptsd) and view them differently.

Chin up.

Edit- Also, this forum really helps! Everyone is extremely uplifting and full of wonderful info. Using this as an outlet helps us supporters too!

Second edit! (sorry!!)- I also wonder- is he in treatment? seeing a therapist?