How's Your Day Been? Each Day is Different, So Make Your Mark Daily

[Deleted member 12723]

Britt I do not think you are trying to hurt yourself. I am sorry that drinking is causing you to feel shame. You sure do not deserve that at all.Hugs,

 

[zaniara]

Our back yard, when I was a young child, was very much like woods. Lots of trees, and running water. Lots of animals, and peace. When I'm "people polluted" I go to the mountains to get back in harmony with peace.

Oh, Safenow, that was a such a beautiful description! So sorry that you have difficulties taking your self out to the nature now! :( :sorry: - Make me think of all I have to be grateful for..

It no longer does anything for me except give me shame for drinking(even if I don't drink that much). Therapist said it sounds like I'm trying to hurt myself.

I don't think you have to feel shame about drinking moderately, but maybe your therapist just want whats best for you? Here, in my home country they say that people with PTSD should stay away from alcohol, at least during therapy.. I hope you feel that your therapist is a good one that will be able to help you? (I think I saw that you just got your self a new one? Might have mixed it up, sorry if I did.. )

 

[zaniara]

A rough day with some sunshine and then some rain. Woke up angry and with a headache, but it felt good to be angry. :) Felt like a healthy feeling(due to all the flashbacks and memories lately). Succeeded doing some good yoga and talked too two friends over the phone(some good laughing there :) ). But therapy was weird today.. Couldn't calm down, and I was so itchy and jumpy and stressed. - Since I didn't want to work with any of the traumas today it was just "talking" but I just feel more confused now.. Right now I don't feel like I'm going to make it through this therapy. It's just too much.. Too many traumas.. Feeling so lonely and not strong at all. (Maybe I should leave and let someone who are more willing and a stronger person than me get his help.. That's what the thoughts are saying inside my head.. :( )

 

[safenow]

That's what the thoughts are saying inside my head.. :( )

Those thoughts are not good ones. Ignore them.

Let your therapist know that you are overwhelmed just now. As them to help you gain some more strength to be able to continue on. They can do that for you.

 

[Britt.f7]

Britt I do not think you are trying to hurt yourself.

I think her thought was, why would you do something that doesn't do anything for you accept bring you shame, negative feelings. It definitely doesn't help my depression. My way of thinking about alcohol is pretty strict, so it kind of appalls me to be having a drink every night. I think it has a lot to do with growing up with alcoholics in my family.

It would be one thing if I would personally be okay with having a drink, but another to know that it is not good for me mentally, because of my mental state.

 

[zaniara]

Let your therapist know that you are overwhelmed just now.

I did. And he did talk to me about how to take care of my self and he is concerned about the fact that I don't have more people around who can help me when it gets bad.. (I have friends, but they are busy and not able to see me that often). But he still wants to continue working on the traumas. Said something about not seeing how much trees there were to cut down and stop doing it all together.. He talked about taking one tree at a time. Said he is here for me. And asked how he can help me feel that I'm not lonely in this. (but I don't know any answer to that question.) - But the last EMDR made me have so much flashbacks/body-memories from so many different traumas that I'm scared to move on with it.. But I guess I just have to trust him.. (Feeling like a coward..) But I have one week to think about this now.. So.. I hope I feel stronger when I see him next Tuesday. (I know he wont force me or anything.. but I guess he's right..) Thank you for your reply.

 

[safenow]

But the last EMDR made me have so much flashbacks/body-memories from so many different traumas that I'm scared to move on with it

I too have multiple traumas. I've never done the EMDR, but if it were me, I'd let him know it brings up more than just the one he wanted to talk about or work on.

When you have multiple traumas, you have many layers to a normal trigger. I have some that only take me to the last trauma, but others that take me all the way to my childhood, that is not good. Those the bad ones, because I have nothing to ground myself with back then. I have to work my way back up , and that is not always as easy as it sounds.

Did he give you grounding tips for each layer of your triggers? If not, then ask him to do that before he does another session of bring up a trauma. It will keep you safe when you are not in his office. He sounds like he cares, so I'm sure he can do that for you.

One of the things one of my therapists did for me, was help me to write down all my triggers. Because of the amount of them before I turned 27, I had thousands of triggers and triggers caused by other triggers. Once we started grounding each trigger, I learned how to stop things before they get so bad I have flashbacks. At that point, I was able to go forth with my trauma therapy.

Good luck.

 

[zaniara]

Did he give you grounding tips for each layer of your triggers?

I don't know if he have that training; I don't know if that kind of expertise is available in Sweden. And also I don't know if I understand what you are describing all that well. I don't understand how you ground your self when faced with a trigger.. He is talking about relaxing strategies, and he is taking me to "safe places" in my mind so to speak.. (today the woods..) To try and help me find some stability. - One memory surely triggers another, that's for sure.. And yes, I went all the way down to being that kid again.. Thank you for your time!

 

[safenow]

also I don't know if I understand what you are describing all that well. I don't understand how you ground your self when faced with a trigger..

I have written out some things for you. Please, go to "how it began" page 18, item 443. It is found in the members ptsd diary section. I hope it helps.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

This day is a peaceful pleasant day. I am not doing anything today but the bare minimum. My husband is busy going through the papers in the filing cabinet. I do not know what he is messing up for me. I shudder to think. I cannot stop him from doing things like that. So I hope the damage is not too bad. We have the tax papers all together. I hope he leaves them alone. I hate to go and check up on him. We do not trust each other anymore. Sad.

 

[ms spock]

My day is a physically sick day today. I am not feeling well.

 

[Changing4Best]

LOUSY. I hate being the BAD GUY, but I had to complain to the building manager about the noisy child playing outsdie my window yesterday. The kid did not need to be out there screaming 3 feet from my window, throwing things at her brothers, playing, etc. Now I'm probably seen as something like THE BIG BAD WOLF... I suppose, but I really don't care. These people don't seem to know what the word CONSIDERATE means, nor do they understand the word QUIET! Unfortunately they live on top of me, SIGH...