No, I Did Not Violate Your Boundaries

[Abstract]

Hi Saffi. My take on it is that many therapist who believe in a particular focus sometimes do something similar. I have heard those who believe in psychoanalysis be scathing about CBT . And those with a psychodymanic approach do the same. And I have no doubt some who rigidly believe in a person centred approach run down CBT too at times. In fact you probably find that in all approaches there will be a percentage of therapist who are against one or more of the other approaches.

I have come across many people who have been greatly helped by CBT. It is also more easily accessed as it is often done in short courses and that makes it more financially viable for therapy to be offered or had. I think it ties in with many other things where just because something doesn't suit us it doesn't mean that it is "bad" or "wrong". Its like when we react to something someone says to us and yet someone else might not find it offensive.

I also think one of the reasons that any professional will be against an approach different to their own is because it does not fit with what they passionately believe in. If you believe that someone is not going to be helped by a type of therapy and you passionately believe that a different way of doing things will help then it isn't surprising that people are outspoken at times.

I do think that is one of the advantages of finding someone who is proficient with and open to using many different approaches. They are probably more open to matching the therapy with the client or the specific situation. For example if someone is only ever going to be able to have access to 4 sessions they may pick CBT whereas they would choose **** if they had a year with them.

Just my take on this.

 

[Abstract]

There is a world of difference between lack of understanding, projection and blame and ...

I just wanted to make sure that this read in the way I meant it. I certainly don't think there is anything "wrong" with being in a place where projection, lack of understanding of the dynamics of what is happening, and blame is where one is "at". And I think you were saying that too. In certain ways I have been there too and I am sure a lot of us have been. In fact projection is a constant battle I fight against. Blame I tend to keep for myself.

Initially I was not ready to hear what drs were saying

I can certainly sympathise with that. I have been there in various ways and am still to an extent sadly. All I meant in post 68 is that I think that there are other things happening for FreakofNature (as I understood it) such as self awareness and knowledge.

 

[Hashi]

My take on it is that many therapist who believe in a particular focus sometimes do something similar. I have heard those who believe in psychoanalysis be scathing about CBT . And those with a psychodymanic approach do the same. And I have no doubt some who rigidly believe in a person centred approach run down CBT too at times.

I think it ties in with many other things where just because something doesn't suit us it doesn't mean that it is "bad" or "wrong".

I think this can be as true of clients as it can be of therapists. Sometimes a client will knock a type of therapy that didn't suit them, and say it's ineffective, pointless, avoiding etc. I think it only means it was those things for them, it doesn't mean it's those things for everyone. We're all so different.

(I'm not talking about controversial therapies that might be considered risky or inappropriate for people with PTSD, I'm talking about established and well-regulated approaches.)

 

[mamachick]

One thing that I need to be aware of, for myself, is that my level of emotion be consistant with the level of the situation. When it is not, then it is not about the situation and about something deeper. IMHO, I would examine the topic for root-is it really about the therapist or something else (I know nothing, just common sense)

My niece wanted me to spend night at her house and became angry when I declined because I had made no arrangements for my dogs. She accused me of thinking her dogs were more important than her daughter, this was after she threatened to hit me in the face and then attempted and two people grabbed her on her way. Think its really about my dogs. In this case, she was a bit intoxicated.

When the therapist goofs, which all will, they also need to guide us to what the issue is really about, as we all have ptsd and the root is elsewhere.

 

[Hashi]

For example if someone is only ever going to be able to have access to 4 sessions they may pick CBT whereas they would choose **** if they had a year with them.

Abstract, I hope it's OK to gently make fun? When I read this, I thought you're making therapy sound like a four letter word now! I have felt that way about therapy myself. ;)

More seriously, I agree very much with what you say. My (integrative) therapist has CBT as one of her approaches, and she uses that with some of her clients and not with others. I don't think I'd want to see a therapist who thought that one or two approaches that they worked with were the only valid ones, and discounted the others, for all clients alike.

Another benefit of seeing an integrative therapist was something I experienced at my last session. My therapist brought in a Gestalt technique to what we were doing. Gestalt is one of her skills, but I've never wanted to try it and went to her for her other approaches. It was exactly what I needed at that moment. If I hadn't liked it I could have stopped and switched to a different method, but in fact it was so helpful I'm going to ask her about doing more Gestalt along with the other approaches. (I was going to post a thread about it, but I got paranoid that she might google something and find what I wrote!)

If she hadn't been an integrative therapist, I would never have tried Gestalt. I think it's a good way to try out different types of therapy, just to see if they suit you. I wish I'd been able to try CBT in that way, and turn to something else with the same person when that didn't work out for me, instead of having to stop seeing that therapist altogether.

 

[saffy]

In fact you probably find that in all approaches there will be a percentage of therapist who are against one or more of the other approaches.

Yes I agree with what you have said.

Therapy, whatever the type, has been very helpful and life saving to a lot of people individually.

But as therapist, making such judgements on other approaches does not make me feel that they are honest and open but rather closed minded and judgemental and biased towards one type only. Which as a therapist is not in the best interests of the client.

Therapists should recognise in the individual that a certain type or combination of types of therapy could be more beneficial to them even if it is not the type of therapy they themselves prefer.

In that way I would not trust the therapist at all as a therapist because personal opinions, especially derogatory in regards to another approach, might have swayed me in not getting the actually therapy I needed.

I would also think the therapist is just trying to drum up more business by trying to keep you on side rather than suggest something else.

I will also tell me that they are coming from their ego in think that their approach and methods are better than anyone else and that they are the only ones who can help you.

Anyway, just my opinion. :)

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Abstract]

I think this can be as true of clients

I agree Hashi and was basically alluding to that. And that goes for all approaches. So thinking that person centred is "bad" because it did not work for them or thinking that CBT is "bad" is all again thinking that everyone is the same and is going to react the same. And we are not.

And I do think that type of thinking is often found elsewhere too. Like thinking that because something upsets us that the person is "bad" rather than taking into account our vulnerabilities and past trauma before evaluating the situation. And then listening to our feelings and judging what we need.

She accused me of thinking her dogs were more important than her daughter

Hi Brat I think this very much marries in with what you wrote in your last post. What she is doing is mindreading and she is thinking and reacting because of previous stuff. This is something that all of us are constantly dealing with in certain ways. In my experience non directive therapy tackles these issues but the emphasis is on managing the shame and self hatred response that some spiral into whenever they realise their thinking is skewed. And manages the other very important aspect of therapy - helping someone to be more connected to their emotions, thoughts and feelings. Some of us are so disconnected that not first having some gentler acknowledgement of what those thoughts or feelings are can make someone even more disconnected. That not first gently acknowledging that the reasons for those unhelpful feelings are legitimate and important can send someone down into such spirals or self hatred and despair. Correcting their cognitive distortion can be one tiny positive whilst their stability deteriorates dangerously.

Yes we all need to develop skills to deal with thinking from the past rather than the present but there are a lot of other issues that can be touched on at the same time.

I was a bit resistance to sharing much but I will tell what happened to me with CBT. I have always had the ability to separate logically from my feelings or thoughts. I had such a deep sense of being "wrong" that that was my starting point with everything. In many ways this helped me enormously in life as the true state of my inner life was very hidden from the outside world. I was also unable to know how I felt about things or what I thought whilst being very intuitive and aware when it came to others.

I responded to CBT by becoming much more disconnected from my inner self. I became less able to tell what I thought or felt and had an extra layer of shame added to the way I saw myself. I was also so disconnected that I was unable to actually express any of these things in therapy. I did not even know I was not discussing them. As a result I spent over 10 years in and out of therapy and never got any better. I learned a few things along the way that were helpful but my mental health and my life deterrioted in many ways.

There was one CBT session that did make a difference to me. In it we discussed 3 topics. The one was a human bill of rights - that stunned me. I had not thought I had any rights at all. The next was an analogy of not having to carry others problems and responsibilities - I was brought up to feel that I was responsible for my family. And the third was just the idea that eating disorders can be ways of expressing emotions.

Those few things at least propped me up a little otherwise I don't know how far I would have sunk.

When I went into non directive therapy slowly but surely layers of myself started to become uncovered. I started building awareness and eventually even realised when something upset me, sometimes. With CBT I felt I was slowly being pushed underground and with non directive I felt I was being uncovered.

I am never going to be like your niece. In that situation in the past I would have felt all was well and would have evaluated the situation correctly. Later I would start self destructing in some way and not know why. After a lot of non directive therapy I would have reached a place where I would later have realised that part of me felt like you loved the dogs more than your daughter. Only then would I be able to work through why I felt that or how it impacted me.

I suspect the other reason people react badly (I do with this too) is that their inner response to anything is such a strong anger and shame directed inwards that they self destruct before being able to make use of the lesson learned. Or instinctively they feel that they are being attacked and so they are unable to learn what they need to from therapy. I can tell I am very unlikely to open your mind to the possibility that there is value in other approaches but I thought I would give it one more go. ;)

 

[Abstract]

OK to gently make fun?

Yes Hashi! :p It certainly feels like a four letter word! :wacky: Looking at how I wrote it reminds me of a version of a Freudian slip.

I agree with everything you said and feel very similarly. I think thats also one of the reasons why I think it is so important to see someone intuitive. I am actually open to even doing some CBT if I am in a safe non directive environment generally and have an intuitive therapist.

Interesting about the Gestalt. I can truly see the value in it but it can be pretty hard core and like you there is no way of this earth that I would see anyone Gestalt focussed. But again I can see why it would work for you in the way you have had it.

For me I am still open to someone that is fairly focused on one approach if I think it is likely to fit me according to where I am at the moment. Mostly because I am trying to keep my options as open as possible as I am very much in danger of not allowing myself to get back into therapy. I also think that someone using multi approaches is an indication that they may be less likely to be narrow minded in general and that is a plus for me too.