Attachment Issues

[Pencil]

I' m not a topic ninja, so go ahead. I'll be back later, .

 

[Abstract]

Thats wonderful Springer. I just wanted to check that I was understanding the "me" properly. The me is the new integrated you with trauma mostly processed and accepted.

 

[Springer80]

It would appear so? However,....My Belly EP does no like the idea of not receiving absolutism, it is trying to tell me that relinquishing it is actually broken not fixed and part of me thinks the way I feel when I relinquish it, ie. the feeling of that need being absent means I won't feel love. The need for absolutism is what my EP thinks is the capacity to receive love and I don't know anything different so being fixed feels like being broken.

HA! Time for a cuppa. and some sausages and scrambled egg. This is hungry work.

 

[Springer80]

I keep getting glimpses of the fear that if I let the absolutism go then I will somehow be this emotional island, like I will have done so much work on myself BY MYSELF that what I will create by letting it go the opposite of what I was trying to achieve. These sensations are tricky though. I think my trauma specialist might be useful at this stage. She did tell me I can't do these things by myself.

 

[Springer80]

I just wanted to check that I was understanding the "me" properly. The me is the new integrated you with trauma mostly processed and accepted.

You know Abs (:giggle:), I'm not sure I totally like the connotations of the word 'integrated' I prefer to think of it as imposed barriers dissolving and the me that was always there re balancing. I know it might sound semantic, but I suppose the inference for me is that I'm repairing the damage but there's nothing wrong with ME. It stops me from doubting he efficacy of he process I'm doing and lessens introspection cos as far as I'm concerned it's right! ;)

 

[Pencil]

The need for absolutism is what my EP thinks is the capacity to receive love and I don't know anything different so being fixed feels like being broken.

Let's see if I understand - I think I do because I had a dream recently that told me what I think it is you are trying to say. But I'm going to start somewhere else, not with the section I quoted:

You are trying to dislodge the EP - with a jack and a lever. If you succeed you will be getting rid of what is causing discomfort, but is ultimately your EMOTIONAL personality, after all, and so you will feel hole (without holes) but will be reduced to less.

I keep getting glimpses of the fear that if I let the absolutism go then I will somehow be this emotional island, like I will have done so much work on myself BY MYSELF that what I will create by letting it go the opposite of what I was trying to achieve.

And I think this relates to my horror around the therapist's comments about unmet needs as I felt and thought that I had taken care of my own needs all my life, and that if I bonded with the EP and did all the caretaking, it would simply lock me inside myself for EVER.

Let me know if this relates in any way to what you are saying.

 

[Pencil]

Or, you are trying to absorb the EP, according to the last set?

 

[Springer80]

Your keeping me on my toes Pencil! I'll do an easy bit, feeling a bit head tired.

What's this mean?

according to the last set?

How I feel about it is it's like a rock eroding, lots of crystals of sand are blowing away. So in a way I'm not trying to absorb anything. To me my EP is an earlier version of me reactive emotions to the trauma that got stuck and set hard. So my EP is not the trauma or my current general emotions, or my current emotions about the past. Whatever it is that's under here is what I'll absorb.

As for your other question about absolutism etc I'll get back to you later this evening, it makes my head hurt!!!:wacky::sleep: Feel's like a maths question...

If Springers adult intellect is controlled by her emotional personalities perception of resolution what is the most water tight way of testing her relinquishing of absolutism and how much change does Jane get from a Tenner? :giggle:

 

[Pencil]

If Springers adult intellect is controlled by her emotional personalities perception of resolution what is the most water tight way of testing her relinquishing of absolutism and how much change does Jane get from a Tenner?

Yes, I'd also like to know how much change Jane is going to get. :D I'm not following you - what do you mean by 'absolutism'?

 

[Springer80]

Absolutism as in my EP wanting someone who will provide, Absolute Protection Of (me) will have Total Responsibility For (me/my safety etc) and that need for 100% certainty equalling love for my EP where as my adult shrinks from that dependency and wouldn't want someone who wanted that kind of relationship.

 

[Pencil]

OH!! Okay, I'll have to go back and read everything in that light.

And, by the way: I agree, I relate, I identify, I am so with you, I ... I think you get the idea.

 

[Pencil]

but there's nothing wrong with ME

I'm beginning to see what you mean by ME.

If Springers adult intellect is controlled by her emotional personalities perception of resolution what is the most water tight way of testing her relinquishing of absolutism

I don't know what the heck you're saying so how do you expect me to work out the change? Why would you want to test this underwater anyway?

Seriously, what I do know is:

Without some sort of resolution for the EP, the adult is not capable of love, relationship, functioning properly as an adult in an adult world. And this I will have to sort out pretty soon, or accept the split or brokenness as a kind of disability and learn to live with it as best I can. But things will have to go one way or the other pretty soon.