The Concept Of An Inner Child... Not Really Buying It

[therapybankrupt]

When I look at pictures of myself at the age of the major traumas, I might as well be looking at the pictures that are put in the frames that you purchase in the store. Intellectually, I know they are pictures of me, but there is no memory or emotional connect. There is nothing....just dead space. Anyone else experience this?

Good afternoon intothelight. I at first felt the same way but a whole new world of experiences and time have past and now is I can identify with the picture of the small child. I guess if you want to know what it is like you have to go through the whole process yourself to understand. It probably would be very individualized thats why we get you to understand the concept. I get that! In the begining I was very skeptical. You need to do what you are ready for at the time. I am sure there are many others that feel or have felt the way you feel about this now. Myself included. Best of wishes on your journey to wellness!

TB

 

[intothelight]

TB,

If the memories ever come back, I will keep this in mind and bring it up to my therapist. I can see the value when working through childhood trauma.

Deb

 

[therapybankrupt]

Today I used to the concept of my inner child in EMDR, and rescued myself as a child of 8 from an incident i

Good Afternoon Shell! Your experience is the same as mine when I understood the use of the inner child with my truma during EMDR. My inners show me what I have buried! We are on now three uncoverd memories of trauma with there help during EMDR processing. The traumas I already know and remember they do not show up for. The little keepers of my pain I call them.

Best of wishes to you. You are clearly on your way. It isnt always easy but you are moving forward and I apprieciate your selfless of sharing so I know I am not alone.

Tb

 

[therapybankrupt]

Intothelight if I may point out on more thing. LOL It is with the EMDR work that I found this most valuble in my experiences. Others may have other venues they used it in and could tell us about that. I surley would be interested.

 

[rainy_daze]

So why are the effects of a trauma when aged 20 treated differently from the effects of a trauma when aged 12?

That is a great question and maybe the answer to that would depend on the type of psychologist or therapist. It might be to do with stages of child development, if they liked the cognitive guys. I don't have time to search out a trustoworthy journal article, but if you google "Piaget's stages of cognitive development" then from 12 years onwards it is the more "logical and systematic" forms of thinking that are developed up until adulthood (presumably 20). I thought I would add that in Hashi.

I haven't done any inner child focus work, that I know of. My knowledge of the concept of an inner child is really as basic as an opinion: it is the idea that we all have a symbolic inner child inside, sort of like a bubble inside which collects all the experiences of childhood and then we carry it around. When being creative, I used to think about my inner child years ago because she was haunting me. It hasn't served me any other purpose, other than I like the symbolism and liked to write about her. It was all metaphorical, I couldn't hear a child in my head or anything. I would write a bit more about it, because there are things that came out when I was writing this post but they are maybe too upsetting for you when you're not in the best place. The whole inner child idea only came back to me from joining this forum, and not sure my concept is a match for the people who developed it as a therapy concept.

I can see why you don't like it. It sounds like it doesn't fit you because you weren't taken care of and had to grow up faster, so your whole notion of being a child is to be grown up at all times, and as an adult why would you want to go back to feeling like a child, you would feel you were being treated as a young child when it is clear you are not a child? If you were unable to articulate things as a child that you could put into words or feel as an adult now, then maybe the reconnecting with all the periods of time in your life, and this is a method that has been decided as appropriate.

Your post is very clear, and makes sense. Asking why this is being used for you and expressing everything you've said is a good idea. Clarification is helpful, especially because you don't buy it for you. Maybe you would if it was explained solely in relation to you by a T. Then if you still don't buy it, they can try something else.

 

[Pietro]

When I look at pictures of myself at the age of the major traumas, I might as well be looking at the pictures that are put in the frames that you purchase in the store. Intellectually, I know they are pictures of me, but there is no memory or emotional connect. There is nothing....just dead space. Anyone else experience this?

Looking at pictures of myself as a child makes me sad and angry. Early pictures show the childhood that "could have been"; later childhood pictures show the effects of the emotional wear and tear on me. I've never been able to use these to gain empathy for myself -- there's too much else going on, I suppose.

This statement resonates with me as I do not feel fragmented.

I, on the other hand, feel incredibly fragmented. ;) Far more than a single "inner child". Much of my problem, all of my life, has been an inability to make decisions, figure-out what I like, define a real identity. There are days now where this seems to have improved, but, on the whole, I still struggle with this.

 

[rainy_daze]

I've never had someone use this concept with me, but often I have wished I could meet the younger me when the traumas happened and give myself the support and love that I was denied. Great post and contributions!

This is a great thread; I am still reading my way through the posts as I didn't have time to before, and finding the answers very helpful. Thank you for posting this Hashi.

I am finding it difficult to fully put into words but what you are saying about that Sick of Fear... it reminds me of this book I have that talks about childhood trauma. I have never been able to read it all, but the one thing I took from it was the idea of writing a letter to myself at age [insert age here]. I have yet to do it as it would be indescribably painful to do, but now that I am in therapy and have someone there who could be in the room when I read it to myself, I have decided to attempt it. It's like, if you could go back in time, not to change anything or remember more, and meet yourself at whatever age, what would you say? The support and love that was denied to Sick of Fear, could be given back verbally by herself, if that makes sense. I know if I could I would say to me age whatever that it isn't your fault and that one day you will be free. In a way, I guess this is sort of an inner child thing?

I hope that hasn't upset anyone. It is meant to be hopeful.

 

[Sick of Fear]

Rainy_daze I think that is a wonderful idea. I may attempt that when I get back into therapy because it would be painful to do, especially on my own. Thank you for suggesting that. By chance, do you remember the name of the book you read?

 

[Whitneys story]

I really appreciate everyone's open communication on this subject. I seem to have a completely different experience from childhood and my inner child.

I am gaining in knowledge that there is something within the concept! I had always feared delving to deep would be injurious. Your comments tell me not to fear the introduction. Hope this makes sense.

What I can not discern is that I have never accepted or felt guilty for the traumas and familial negligence. Hmmmmm?

 

[saffy]

Hi Hashi

When I think of the inner child I think of a sense of innocent thoughts about things. About thinking without jealousy, hatred, bitterness, anger and all the other dark thoughts developed as we grow depending on our environments and past experiences.

The inner child would be free of those thoughts, free to see things as new and fresh, free to explore without restrictions and negative thoughts.

I like to think my inner child is not broken or bad or ugly at all but a perfectly innocent and exciting and inquisitive being, not afraid.

I like to think my inner child is free from worry of the future and past but evolves only in the present time.

I hope that helps a bit.

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Eleanor]

For the first time ever I felt like my mother had no power over me anymore, I stood up to her, and told her to stop, and removed the child self, it was very liberating.

Way to go Shell!!!!! This is huge stuff. Congratulations.

My H did something like this in his EMDR work, and it just lifted a whole layer of worry and anxiety off of him... that has not come back more than a year later!

 

[Eleanor]

I have never accepted or felt guilty for the traumas and familial negligence.

I'm confused. You never felt guilty, or felt like you had to accept(?) the trauma/neglect? And that is a problem because? Or am I missing the point here?