Happiness Challenge Round 2 May 7th

[zaniara]

all in a desperate attempt to please you. Or you can see our attempts as useless drivel we spout because we love the sound of our own voices, or ... the possibilities are endless, really

I'm actually very grateful for your time and effort. Why you are doing it I can't know for sure, but I do hope it's because you want to do it, and not to "please me"(since I don't want others to "please me" rather than just be them selves and do what they like; as long as it doesn't hurt me or someone else). :) Either way I'm grateful. But a bit confused tonight from all the input.. Will go and try to sleep now, and digest some of it. (Somehow it feels like your left side of the brain is a bit stronger than mine.. :) )

 

[Pencil]

not to "please me"

Definitely not to please you. Only because I love the sound of my own voice - and I don't have an unattractive frown either. ;)

But the point is, neither is true. It is all a matter of interpretation, and choosing one version among a myriad possible truths.

Goodnight Z.

 

[zaniara]

I think the trick is to make sure your belief is a rational and well founded on evidence and positive intention.

Well: this is where I struggle to get some stability right now. To find out if my belief is founded on rational and well founded evidence. :) (I just can't find the words to describe it better right now.)

My friends are not bad people, but the difficulties I'm having is not easily solved and I guess that my friends are human too. I actually gave them some feedback and one of them apologized and revised her advises. But I noticed a big progress in me(but it's not a stable part of my personality yet) when I actually could feel that I don't need anyone to believe in me to follow my heart. (But it's nice if someone believe in you, or if your friend at least don't give you those bad advices to just give up.)

Thank you so much for your reply. But now the left side of my brain is sending "ERROR ERROR" signals so I think I have to go to bed and come back and read it again. :) I wish you a good night sleep!

 

[Changing4Best]

Re: Meditation

Webster's defines it as:
1
" to engage in contemplation or reflection" (and Roget's Thesaurus expounds upon that with such things as: "muse, ponder," and "think deeply"
2
"to engage in mental exercise (as concentration on one's breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Now what we have here are both the western and the eastern philosophies on this word.

Personally, having been raised in a western culture, gone to western school and college, I have considered and used the western definition of this word, but I do respect and understand the eastern way too, though I have not used it myself, I do know that it is great for a lot of folks.

As a Christian, I meditate upon or ponder a Biblical passage. Then I take it one step further. I open my mind to the Holy Spirit, emptying myself as best I can of the day's cares and waiting to hear from God. I do this after I have read my Bible, usually first thing in the morning while I am having my coffee. And sometimes God speaks to me. But most importantly, I use this time to get into tune with God, so that He may guide my day and love me and move me into His way of thinking. I don't always succeed, but I try, and that is the most important aspect I think. Sometimes I write letters to Him in my journal too.

 

[a3a2]

I did it! Day after day I have been saying I must exercise, but today I finally got out and had a walk with my daughter. We both enjoyed it immensely! We stopped at a community children's garden and planted purple carrot seeds and parsnips in their carrot plot as a silly surprise for them.

 

[Froggie]

we can just keep making them up. You see? So it is CRUCIAL to have good, doable and realistic stories available to us. There are no guarantees, but we improve our odds of a good outcome significantly when we have a good story.

This is so true, once we have made a decision, then we have to plan how to execute the reality that suits us best to get better. One the things I learned was this following strategy :

1. Visualise the situation
2. Believe in what you are thinking and what you are feeling - it is a form of energy. Accept this as a call from your Intuition or you can also call it you Inner Wisdom Voice. Visualise as you could feel the outcome in you body and mind.
3. Start acting as this is real
4. You will start to get some feedback in this realisation.

Thanks Elenor for this reminder ... it's a very realistic introspection that cannot be judged as it is full of wisdom.

 

[Pencil]

Webster's defines it as:
1
" to engage in contemplation or reflection" (and Roget's Thesaurus expounds upon that with such things as: "muse, ponder," and "think deeply"
2
"to engage in mental exercise (as concentration on one's breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness"

Now what we have here are both the western and the eastern philosophies on this word.

Now this is my all-time favorite Sheila-post. Thank you.

A decade or two ago I explored various religions, including Buddhism, and even went to a Buddhist retreat for a week. It was high up in the Drakensberg, with mist enveloping the area on most days. I remember that so clearly. I 'meditated' for hours every day, and remember only the excruciating back pain and total failure at emptying my mind. So I gave it up, and came back down to the real world again with beautiful pics of mist , an appointment with the chiropractor, and the realization that I have a mind that really does not want to be empty.

To me, the very subtle 'hint' in the Bible as to what meditation for Christians should or could be, is 'Be still, and know that I am God'. WoW. This has always been HUGE for me, too huge to do. So my challenge is to do exactly this.

Sheila, your post gave me the opportunity to put my view on here. Thank you.

 

[Pencil]

But it's a sore point for me right now to try to interpret all the bad stuff that happened in a positive way- but I AM trying to find out what I can do to overcome it and how to use what I've learned from it to do good for others and what I can learn from it.

Anybody who recommends you view it in a positive light should be assaulted. And perhaps you will never be able to 'overcome' it. Perhaps you may never be able to help others because of what you have experienced.

I find it interesting that nobody on this forum has ever mentioned, to my knowledge, narrative therapy. I wonder why. Is it not popular, is it nonsense, are there not many therapists who use this? Does anybody know?

I'll have to get some work done, and I'll be back - with more about the 'stories' we NEED to create, and Joseph Campbell.

 

[zaniara]

Webster's defines it as:
1
" to engage in contemplation or reflection" (and Roget's Thesaurus expounds upon that with such things as: "muse, ponder," and "think deeply"
2
"to engage in mental exercise (as concentration on one's breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness"

Thank you Sheila for reminding me of this. :) I'm trying to to a bit of both(the first one I do first, and then I try to meditate a bit more in the eastern way, but only to try and find more stillness so I can do those good things easier later in the day and be more attentive to what my higher power wants me to do.. (I might be complicating things sometimes.. :D)

and remember only the excruciating back pain and total failure at emptying my mind.

:D I actually talked to a friend about this the other day. And he told me that if I'm trying to make my mind shut up it will only get worse: since then I will think "Oh, now I'm thinking again! Stop thinking! Let go!" etc, etc. And that's fighting. He told me to just try to observe what the mind does and try not to interfere with it, but just accept what ever is happening. That's kind of what I'm trying to do now. Trying to make it "simple" as in not complicating it(despite not being simple at all with those damn bad memories coming at me whenever I've tried this week.. :( ).

 

[zaniara]

Anybody who recommends you view it in a positive light should be assaulted. And perhaps you will never be able to 'overcome' it. Perhaps you may never be able to help others because of what you have experienced.

I'm not sure I understand what this text said. What does the first sentence mean? :) (Not feeling too bright right now..) The second two meanings.. Well that's just not a option to me. Either I do succeed in my attempts on 'overcoming it' or I die trying. I just can't let the past defeat me. That's simply not an option. (getting a bit upset now..)

narrative therapy.

My therapist uses this method too, if that is what is best for the patient. He do have a lot of "tools" in "his bag". :) But usually the narrative way of working can make a patient worse and in worst case scenario only re-traumatize the patient. Since re-telling your story can actually overwhelm you. (They have done some research on this.. Before CBT and EMDR and the other stuff they use now, narrative way of therapy was basically the only way.. and it didn't work out at all well for a lot of people.) So he uses it carefully. Personally I'm grateful that he doesn't use only that tool, since I believe the EMDR and the other tools he have has made the process a lot more affective and I personally wouldn't want this therapy to take 3-4 years instead of maybe less time.. I do want to go on with my life, and not let the past prevent me from doing it in a healthy manner. But I think different methods works for different people. What ever works, right?

 

[zaniara]

Despite feeling so bad about myself I managed to go and see another artist ad do some drawing and not feel so crappy about myself all day. I felt poorly so this was a big achievement.

:) Happy you managed to! What a fighter you are to try to overcome the depression! (And I too am starting to discover how much drawing can help sometimes..)

"Right now, do I have a problem? Is there anything I can do about it? Or is it the case that Right Here, Right Now, in this particular time and place is everything actually, o.k.?" I find that no matter how worried freaked out I am it is generally about something that ISN"T happening now, or is actually OVER.

Yes, this is a good one. :) I have real problems right now(practical and economical), and it has to do with here and now and the future; both the near future and in a longer perspective, so I really have to try to find solutions. Though not succumb to worrying. (Of course the part of my past I haven't yet worked my way through or grieved over makes it harder some times to stay calm). But the later part.. Well I do know it's a stupid and not constructive thing to worry, but somehow I do feel worried some of the time despite my efforts to have faith that it will all somehow work out okay. (This is acutally the first time for a long while "overthinking and worrying" has knocked on my door sort of; and I need to find a healthy way to cope with reality and be able to "think wisely" without going back to the "old stinking thinking" I used to live with up till a couple of years ago.) My faith is not strong right now though..

So much of what you posted here is such good stuff! I'm grateful you do share those stuff. But for today I will just read and "let go" and not try to make my left side of the brain figure out something "good to say about it all"; since I really think I need to stay in the present and not over-analyze(despite, or maybe because there is a lot of tough feelings right now). I just wanted to comment this.. Since yes, this is a good way of living: to try and follow that advice. I do somehow summon it up with "Grant me serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." :)

It took a long time, but eventually Zorro masters working in the circle (hence the title of the chapter) and then goes on to fancier stuff - swinging from chandeliers, leaping onto galloping horses, rescuing fair damsels etc. The POINT is that he had to master the circle FIRST.

This is just a beautiful metaphor! And very helpful for me.

Anchor goes on to talk about emotional hijacking - a phenomenon with which we are all too familiar here. Interestingly he says that there is good data to suggest that people who verbalize what they are feeling (e.g., when you feel angry, you say "I feel angry") decrease the intensity of the automatic emotional response and are more able to deal consciously with their circumstances.

This is good news for a "talkative person" like me.. :D It gives me hope and a hint of being on the right track in all of this. :)

 

[Changing4Best]

Now this is my all-time favorite Sheila-post. Thank you.

To me, the very subtle 'hint' in the Bible as to what meditation for Christians should or could be, is 'Be still, and know that I am God'. Sheila, your post gave me the opportunity to put my view on here. Thank you.

You are most welcome, Pencil. My pleasure!