Changing4Best
VIP Member
"Learn to laugh at yourself more freely. Don't take yourself or your circumstances so seriously. ... Find freedom by accepting the boundaries of your domain". Sarah Young, from her book JESUS CALLING.
-
We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
-
Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.
Happiness Challenge Round 3 - Starting June 1
- Post starter Eleanor
- Start date
- Status
Changing4Best
VIP Member
They say that happiness is a state of mind, but I say it can be experienced physically and spiritually too!
Changing4Best
VIP Member
"In a romantic relationship, or in a family, or any partnership, chores are a huge source of conflict. Who does what? How do you get someone else to hold up his or her end, without nagging? Consider these points:
"It’s annoying to hear a hectoring voice, so suggest tasks without words. Leave a note, send an email, put a bottle out on the counter to suggest that the prescription needs re-filling.
"If you need to voice a reminder, limit yourself to one word or phrase. Instead of barking out, “Now remember, I’ve told you a dozen times, stop off at the grocery store, we need milk, if you forget, you’re going right back out!” Instead, call out, “Grocery store!” or “Milk!”
"Don’t insist that a task be done on your schedule. “You’ve got to trim those hedges today!” Says who? Try, “When are you planning to trim the hedges?” If possible, show why something needs to be done by a certain time. “Will you be able to trim the hedges before our party next week?”
"Assign chores based on personal priorities. If you hate a messy bedroom, make tidying the bedroom your job.
Re-frame: decide that you don’t mind doing a chore—like putting clothes in the hamper or hanging up wet towels. This is often surprisingly easy.
"No carping from the sidelines. If someone else makes the travel arrangements, don’t criticize the flight time. If someone else gets the kids dressed, don’t mock the outfits. If you want something done your way, do it yourself.
"Remember that messy areas tend to stay messy, and tidy areas tend to stay tidy. If you want others to be neat, be neat yourself.
"Resolve to “Quit nagging.” After all—at least in my experience—it doesn’t even work!"
Gretchen Rubin, from her book "HAPPIER AT HOME".
"It’s annoying to hear a hectoring voice, so suggest tasks without words. Leave a note, send an email, put a bottle out on the counter to suggest that the prescription needs re-filling.
"If you need to voice a reminder, limit yourself to one word or phrase. Instead of barking out, “Now remember, I’ve told you a dozen times, stop off at the grocery store, we need milk, if you forget, you’re going right back out!” Instead, call out, “Grocery store!” or “Milk!”
"Don’t insist that a task be done on your schedule. “You’ve got to trim those hedges today!” Says who? Try, “When are you planning to trim the hedges?” If possible, show why something needs to be done by a certain time. “Will you be able to trim the hedges before our party next week?”
"Assign chores based on personal priorities. If you hate a messy bedroom, make tidying the bedroom your job.
Re-frame: decide that you don’t mind doing a chore—like putting clothes in the hamper or hanging up wet towels. This is often surprisingly easy.
"No carping from the sidelines. If someone else makes the travel arrangements, don’t criticize the flight time. If someone else gets the kids dressed, don’t mock the outfits. If you want something done your way, do it yourself.
"Remember that messy areas tend to stay messy, and tidy areas tend to stay tidy. If you want others to be neat, be neat yourself.
"Resolve to “Quit nagging.” After all—at least in my experience—it doesn’t even work!"
Gretchen Rubin, from her book "HAPPIER AT HOME".
- Post starter
- #76
Eleanor
Diamond Member
Sheila, I just read your post on the last chapter of the Happiness Advantage. Great job! I had the MOST trouble with that chapter for some reason...
Also, I think I'll have to take a look at the "Happier at Home" book! Great stuff! My H tends toward nagging, but I tend toward stuffing and resenting. So it is nice to have suggestions about how to say things in a more positive way. I read an article recently about strategies that couples use to minimize conflict and increase support and appreciation for chores. My H and I haven't lived together full time for about two years - but are planning to... soon-ish. So we are trying to think through sources of stress to minimize it for him (and me!) We are hoping that he will be well enough to tolerate the stress of actually living in the same house as other people, one of whom is a high maintenance energetic six year old!
Also, I think I'll have to take a look at the "Happier at Home" book! Great stuff! My H tends toward nagging, but I tend toward stuffing and resenting. So it is nice to have suggestions about how to say things in a more positive way. I read an article recently about strategies that couples use to minimize conflict and increase support and appreciation for chores. My H and I haven't lived together full time for about two years - but are planning to... soon-ish. So we are trying to think through sources of stress to minimize it for him (and me!) We are hoping that he will be well enough to tolerate the stress of actually living in the same house as other people, one of whom is a high maintenance energetic six year old!
Changing4Best
VIP Member
Eleanor, give him at least one room where others are not to enter, where he can go and chill and be by himself to deal with whatever is going on at that time. I know how easily I fall into that needing to be alone space and time, and how valuable it is to have it. Try it, you will like it! ANd good luck and blessings on your plans. There is also a lot to be gained from together time!
- Post starter
- #78
Eleanor
Diamond Member
Sheila! Thank you for the affirmation, we got a house with a room SPECIFICALLY FOR THAT PURPOSE! "The Man Cave." Keeping fingers crossed...
The Albatross
VIP Member
Ironically, I am the one with a "safe" room in my household. A place where I can retreat and reemerge when I've centered myself back down. :O_o:
ms spock
VIP Member
This was a most successful challenge where the majority of the discussion happened in the private conversation. I made great progress in my meditation.
Whitneys story
Diamond Member
@Ms Spock, I like your post a million trillion. But it will only let me do it once.
Keep up the outstanding progress! :tup: :hug: Whitney
Keep up the outstanding progress! :tup: :hug: Whitney
The Albatross
VIP Member
At the conclusion of round 3 (but having done only 2 rounds) I have turned the corner on the meditation component. I don't aspire to ever be doing it for long periods... but I can now do it for 5-10 minutes. That is improvement in all areas except consistent exercise. I get exercise, just not consistent. Working on that now for a while.
Whitneys story
Diamond Member
Alby, Meditation time varies depending on the mindset at the time. I would consider this a A+.
Exercise for me is a tricky one. I, like you am on the go 7 days a week. I feel we can include our daily activity as exercise.
Please don't be too hard on yourself. I just don't see you sitting around being flat out lazy. JMHO! Hugs, Whitney
Changing4Best
VIP Member
Ask for a Favor by Gretchen Ruben, from her book HAPPIER AT HOME
As Benjamin Franklin recommended, “If you want to make a friend, let someone do you a favor.” Allow yourself to ask for a favor, for help, for advice, for suggestions.
Studies show that for happiness, providing support is just as important as getting support. By offering people a way to provide support, you generate good feelings in them. And on your side, asking for a favor is a sign of intimacy and trust. The fact that you’ve asked for a favor shows that you feel comfortable being indebted to someone.
So asking, and receiving, a favor generates good feelings on both sides.
One of my most helpful Secrets of Adulthood is “It’s okay to ask for help.” Asking for help is a very useful way of asking for a favor. I’m absolutely mystified by asking for help is so hard for me. So often, I can just solve a problem by asking for help—which is almost always freely and cheerfully given.
Resolve to “Ask for a favor.” It’s a surprisingly effective way to show affection and trust in a relationship.
As Benjamin Franklin recommended, “If you want to make a friend, let someone do you a favor.” Allow yourself to ask for a favor, for help, for advice, for suggestions.
Studies show that for happiness, providing support is just as important as getting support. By offering people a way to provide support, you generate good feelings in them. And on your side, asking for a favor is a sign of intimacy and trust. The fact that you’ve asked for a favor shows that you feel comfortable being indebted to someone.
So asking, and receiving, a favor generates good feelings on both sides.
One of my most helpful Secrets of Adulthood is “It’s okay to ask for help.” Asking for help is a very useful way of asking for a favor. I’m absolutely mystified by asking for help is so hard for me. So often, I can just solve a problem by asking for help—which is almost always freely and cheerfully given.
Resolve to “Ask for a favor.” It’s a surprisingly effective way to show affection and trust in a relationship.
- Status
Donation drives
Trending content
-
-
What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- goingonhope
Comments: 34K -
-
-
-
