Poll Have You Ever Had Survival Sex?

[Lady of Longbourn]

Sorry I dropped out of the conversation for a few days. I still need to catch up on this thread again but I really understand where everyone is coming from. I can relate a lot.

I have been able to leave the topic at the door so to speak. I can talk about it here, with my therapist and think about it but I can leave it if need be and focus on my life. I see this as great progress for me as a woman and human being.

But the feelings still have to be dealt with. I did it and it's there in my past.

Thanks everyone for sharing your story.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I spent an hour talking with a friend/support group leader. We told our life stories to each other, talked about the problems we have with depression. We are a lot a like in that way. It's been a long time since I told my whole story in one sitting.

I felt brave and told him about the prostitution. He was not judgmental. I think he said something like "Oh my God."

But now that the conversation is over it brought it back into my head again.

 

[cookinggal]

Ive done it for basic directions on which way I was heading for. This I hide from my therapist, I guess because I'm ashamed of it.

 

[HëllaBubz]

I did what I had to in order to survive. I would do it again. I would do it now if I had too.

My other half doesn't understand why I feel like this too, he feels like he isn't good enough to stop me from going 'backwards'.
But it's survival, and my ex taught me to deal with pain and rough men quite well, so if I had to put on the mask again, it would be very easy.

There's something about being what my ex would call 'the good little whore who took it like she deserved it' that is extremely damaging yet had me hooked. I honestly don't know why.

You just go in, put on the mask and play a part.

A well paying part :p
Although the cash never got to me, my ex always took it and told the guys I'd get it.....He spent it on drugs, beat me up if I asked about the cash, and then got into drug debt, so I'd end up in a 3 or 4 way with several drug dealers who ultimately treated me better than my ex did.

Other women there are heartless and take the men for as big of a ride as they can (metaphorically)...as in, they will get as much money from them as possible and just play them.

I don't know whether to laugh or be sad about that statement. Some guys are pricks and deserve to be taken for what's in their pocket, others are lonely and completely harmless. Job related cynicism doesn't differentiate between the two though.

It is helping me to deal with stuff I haven't looked at for many years.

I haven't look at it either, but I'm thinking I should.

After break ups, I would be very promiscuous.

That rings a few bells!

There is a lot about my history that I have had trouble digging up and processing. You cannot 'fix' behaviour that you are unhappy about if you don't understand the psychology behind it, and what led you to feeling that way in the first place.

Needless to say I have several years jam packed with survival sex as well as plain-as-day rape and sodomy, a lot of which is starting to come to the surface.

 

[Philippa]

Hey Bubzilla.

My computer still isn't letting me click on the quote thing, but I wanted to reply to your first quote reply of mine. Yes, what you said is pretty much the case where I work. There are some really good guys that go there who are just so busy in their careers that they don't have time for a relationship, and are lonely and need touch, and then there are some really weird ones, and some of them are downright creepy, but I guess you get that in any service industry, I'm sure.

It's very hard to not take them for a ride when they behave a certain way, but I know that I never seem to get away with it, because something will happen very soon after I transgress, and keep the extra money that would drop out of a customers wallet, instead of raising his awareness to it falling. I did this recently, and then the next customer robbed me of $60, so, for me, the concept of karma is definitely something that has shown itself to be very real in my life...so I tend to avoid that sort of behavior.

Good luck with facing what you may be ready to face. If you're not ready to face it, then don't. :)

 

[HëllaBubz]

I find this topic very interesting for several reasons....

My partner has learned the meaning of survival sex, but in a very different context. He now sees someone in a massage parlor or a sex worker for relief, as my mental wellbeing has degraded significantly, and suppressed memories are coming to the surface and compounding the situation further.

That was at my suggestion, and insistence once I saw that he was a frustrated, snarling, scatterbrained danger to himself and me, unable to concentrate, be anywhere near me, wasn't able to sleep and blew a fuse at the smallest things.

He doesn't understand why I understand and allow this situation to go on, as well as fully condone it, but I've engaged in survival sex, but I also understand that guys have basic needs, and when they aren't fulfilled, that's when you see them heading off to a worker, or someone like we used to be.

I don't, and won't ever blame him for having those needs, but this thread allows me to explain my understanding of him to him in a different way, and hopefully he'll stop feeling so ratshit about himself.

Sometimes I wish I could just absorb the pain that he feels, I'm used to dealing with it, a little more won't hurt me.
The 'mask' is a very good sponge sometimes.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I also understand that guys have basic needs, and when they aren't fulfilled, that's when you see them heading off to a worker, or someone like we used to be.

TheBubzilla,

Really you sound like you are trying to justify his actions. Would the same apply to you? If your 'basic needs' were not being met would he allow you to see someone else ( a woman maybe)?

 

[HëllaBubz]

Would the same apply to you?

Yes. Both of us are willing to do whatever it takes to keep the other person sane, so long as both agree and there is an open conversation about it.
In the past when I was having second thoughts, I asked him to stop, and he did, for 6 months, and the topic was never raised again during that time. I did notice however, that his well being degraded significantly, and it was me, not him, that said; "Look, I can see you are going nuts, go."

About 4 months after that, he was feeling so shit about it that he decided to stop going. He lasted 3 months.

I suppose I do come across defensive as I've copped a fair amount of shit on the topic in the past.

 

[TinkerG]

I see nothing wrong with it if someone wants to sell their body for sex, if they want to, for whatever reason. But I have a serious problem with pimps and sex traffickers, and I wonder about someone's self esteem if they say they want to do it (not that it is any of my business). I consider 75% of the sex I had with my abuser as survival sex - I wouldn't have done it if I'd had the ability to say no and survive.

 

[LIVELUKE923]

My husband used to harass me, use sleep deprivation, threaten me....so id have sex. Im going to lump that in with survival sex, if I didnt do it, I dont know exactly what would have happened

 

[VWillow]

One time I was living in as a nanny. The woman used to party a lot, and would disappear for days at a ti...

I thought I was protecting my sisters and my brother. My uncle, was offered Marijuana in exchange to one of my older cousins to "take your pick" . As my uncle lined all 4 of us up, naked. My cousin pined to my little sister (we all were 1 year apart in age). I was terrified. I stepped foward to save her. The "deal' was made. My sister has blocked that moment out. But remained etched in my soul forever.
We all do things we feel is needed to protect those who are important to us. In ways we never should have had to.
My heart aches as I read this and also as I write. We are not alone. Thank you for sharing your story.

 

[8888]

I haven't and I'll try my best to avoid it in the future. For me it is sort of against my religion but I'm not judging anyone.