How Do You Get Over What You Can't Remember?

[Leah123]

You can't heal until your remember

Memory is imperfect, and I have not found it realistic for all trauma survivors to have a narrative type memory of everything troubling that may ever have happened to us. Damage can sometimes be done, in contrast, when we try and remember things forgotten: there is room for false memories, blanks filled in incorrectly, corrupted memories, etc. There are many paths to healing. Learning to live with ambiguity itself has value as well, though it is certainly difficult. I believe we have what we need to heal intrinsically, and additional memories may or may not arise as we work through trauma and go through life, but recovering memory is not the be all end all of the process, and pushing to recover memory is not necessarily beneficial.

 

[Angi]

ill check them out for sure. Thanks! Gma as in Grandma? also I am from the U.S in Rhode Island. How about you?

Yes grandma sorry. I'm in Georgia :)

 

[Angi]

You have to remember it first, plain and simple. That's the hard part for so many people. But as other posters pointed out, your trauma being repressed does not mean it isn't affecting you and your behavior. You are still going to hurt until you heal. You can't heal until your remember, and remembering will feel worse but as we are constantly reminded, you are going to feel worse before you feel better.

I totally agree. Thanks.

 

[Angi]

Memory is imperfect, and I have not found it realistic for all trauma survivors to have a narrative type memory of everything troubling that may ever have happened to us. Damage can sometimes be done, in contrast, when we try and remember things forgotten: there is room for false memories, blanks filled in incorrectly, corrupted memories, etc..

I agree about it being a dangerous thing. I don't try to force memories as much as logically analyzing them. And I don't need to remember everything just the basics such as for sure if it was my father. If it went beyond molestation. And rough age range.

 

[ButterflyBean]

Hi! I am wondering if you have a therapist who can help talk you through this? If not, it might be wise to look into therapy, specifically a trauma specialist. You probably do; that's just my initial thought.

For me, I don't have trouble with recovering memories; however, EMDR has been a wonderful addition to talk therapy as far as actual processing goes! I was emotionally numb, and literally flat, for about two years until this August after I was officially diagnosed and started processing. Does being emotionless sound like you?

I wish you comfort, peace, and minimal frustration during your healing! Yes, the process is incredibly difficult at times, but you are strong, even when you're "stuck", and you are definitely not alone! Be gentle and patient with yourself; give yourself permission to remember and feel, but make sure you have support during the process!

~Holly

 

[Foudre]

These posting have been some comfort to me and I can empathise with so many of you. I have often felt freaked out by the fact a have no memory of my 0 to 15 years. I a, 26 now and as far as I can remember I've never remembered my childhood or early teen years. I don't know why. Events that have happened since then I remember are all incredibly traumatic (deaths, break ups, suicide attempts, bullying, attacks). Could this lack of know myself for 15 years have contributed to the identity disorder I feel I have? Why don't I remember? I only have a couple of fragments of memories. I must have been around thirteen and I thought someone came into my room at night and lifted my covers off the bed, I was convinced there was a demon haunting me, the other memory is waking up and being startled I had no clothes on, this happened a couple of times. They are literally memories of seconds.

But what happened to the happy childhood my parents have always told me I had?

I like some of you dissociate a lot and I used to blame 12 years of anti depressants for my memory problems.

 

[Foudre]

I can't explain how painful these memories are to me. I struggle everyday especially lately.

- I am so sorry to hear you are experiencing this. It seems ignorance is bliss when it comes to remembering or not x

 

[Justpassintime]

I did this for years, the obsessing because I figured since I was treatment (rehab) and doing all this work I wanted to throw it all up and be done (not like it works that way) and I like gave myself headaches trying to do that. It's about learning to trust yourself, as weird as it sounds. After some time (depends on how hard headed you are - me? I am very hard headed so it took awhile), at any rate you learn to accept that you can't remember everything. (I remember a lot of it, but I know I don't remember all of it - it was at least weekly for years). Then you learn to trust your heart and brain to show you what you really need to remember. Surprisingly it varies from person to person - some "more" things come up and sometimes they don't. It's a process just like everything else in this crazy process.