I Should Not Be Depressed

[aka]

My depression symptoms have steadily gotten worst the last couple of months. I am not why this is happening but I am actively talking to both my therapist and doctor to help treat it.

My therapist asked me last week to name off some positive things in my life. I named a few things and she added several more things she saw as positive in my life. Things like I have a job and parents who support me. Even told me that I was actually doing quite well in the grand scheme of things.

Now I feel bad for being depressed in the first place. I mean my life should be great right? I am tried of feeling so horrible whether it be from the depression or the anxiety.

 

[franciemarnie]

For me, depression was the pressing down of emotion, in particularly anger. The deeper the depression, the greater the anger but it took me ages to connect them because in depression - I had no energy. Everything was an effort. Anger seemed very far away and not related to me.

Safely pulling up and releasing the anger and rage got rid of the depression.

Everyone is different but that's my experience. Depression as anger turned inward.

Are you angry about anything?

Your life may be "great" now, but if you are depressed, then at some point bad stuff happened and the emotional energy was never processed. IMO.

 

[intothelight]

aka,

Depression is tough to deal with as it really does change a person's entire world. Its not something that someone just wakes up and suddenly decides, "Hey, I feel to good so I'll work on being depressed, because I want to feel horrible today." So don't feel bad that you are depressed and it is good that you are working with your doctors to treat it.

One thing about depression is it tends to change a person's perception where fear, self-criticism, guilt, and other negative thoughts seem to slowly take over. Focusing on good moments, thinking of things that we are thankful for, and other "positive" thinking tools do have an effect on neurochemistry and can help to lessen some symptoms. Its not that a simple matter of just change your thinking and you'll be better, but a tool that has a physical impact and can help over time. I'm not very good at explaining it, but it is worth checking into.

Other things such as eating properly, getting some exercise, getting enough rest and exercise can also help with depression. Unfortunately, when a person is depressed it tends to disrupt both appetite and sleep patterns, so it really does take a lot of work and effort to even focus on these areas. It is also harder because of the effort it can take just to "do" anything and the inability to concentrate. But again, treating some of the symptoms can really help to lessen them or maybe even prevent the depression from getting worse.

Medication is also helpful as sometimes it is necessary to even help a person begin to be able to even "work" on any of the other areas. So don't think of yourself as bad, failing, incompetent, etc. because you are depressed. Depression just "is" and it isn't a reflection of you character but something you have and need to treat.

These are just some of the things that have worked for me and I hope they might be helpful.

 

[aka]

Are you angry about anything?

Yeah I am mostly just angry at myself. I am angry because I cannot seem to find a way out of the runt I am in. I basically put all my energy into doing one major life activity and have no energy to really deal with anything else. When I was in college I put all my energy into that now that I am working full time that is were all my energy is going. My therapist keeps trying to get me to find some activity to do outside of work so that I would perhaps make some friends. I cannot not do this because not only does it scary me but I really do not have the energy to try. It does not help that my younger brother is getting married in a couple of weeks. I really feel like a failure in the whole relationship department since I cannot even maintain a friendship at this moment.

Medication is also helpful as sometimes it is necessary to even help a person begin to be able to even "work" on any of the other areas

I am currently on a anti-depressant and have been for a couple of years now. My doctor tried three weeks ago to increase the dose and I had some really bad side affects so I had to go back to the regular dose. She is hesitant to change me to new anti-depressant because it could interact badly with my sleeping medication. She instead told me to ask work for some accommodations to help decrease my panic attacks and overall stress level. Work is willing to work with me but if things don't improve by Wednesday which is the day I am suppose to talk to her then I may have to try a new medication.

So don't think of yourself as bad, failing, incompetent, etc. because you are depressed.

Thanks I really needed to hear this. I sometimes get the impression from my family that they think I don't do enough to fight the depression. Which hurts since I try very hard to fight it and maintain some level of functioning.

 

[Amalia]

My dear. I think the above is 50% pof the struggle we face on a daily basis. YOu are so very not alone in that aspect, I can`t even begin to tell you (!).

 

[TeaLeaf]

Yeah I am mostly just angry at myself. I am angry because I cannot seem to find a way out of the runt I am in. I basically put all my energy into doing one major life activity and have no energy to really deal with anything else.

I can so relate to feeling like this. For years I beat up on myself because I wasn't able to fix this mental hell hole I was in and getting angry at myself never worked, it just made things worse. It was only after many years in my job after college that I was able to see I needed to focus on other areas of my life instead of just one thing. It took me a long time to make friends that I could turn to when I was struggling but it was so important in my ability to cope with my struggles. Being able to do self care and find activities and experiences that I enjoyed were important too.

Do you think you would be able to talk to your therapist about what she said about how in the grand scheme of things you are doing quite well? It sounds invalidating and it would make me feel worse too even though she probably meant it to be something encouraging.

You might want to check out the book, "The Depression Cure" by Stephen Illardi. It gives a list of 8 evidence based strategies for people with depression, whether they are on medication or not, many of them are very easy to integrate, like taking an omega 3 pill with at least 1gm of EPA a day. I have found this book to be very helpful for my own depression.

I hope you are able to get some relief soon from feeling bad. Remember you aren't alone, so many of us have been there too.