Is Having Roommates Not For Everyone?

[TonyG]

I worked away from home a fair bit and allways used share accomodation and some places sucked and some didn't, Just let them settle in, there will be some conflict and that's normal, I'm at home now and my wife is a clean freak and I am not, Give them there space.

 

[Ancient trees]

jmni, thank you... I appreciate that. Everything with my roommate is actually working out really well. It was just my horrible initial worry and anxiety I needed help with. Which would have been better supported by a gentler, less triggering supportive environment, than stating that I'm pretty much a nutcase for having my feelings of anxiety.

bell, if you read my post, I am not the only one who feels this forum is harsh. It appears that there is quite a number of people out there, who do. Harshness, abrasiveness may work for a few, but it doesn't work for others. For me, harshness has never, ever worked to help me heal.

It's not about people telling me how great I am, at all. (You are blowing this out of proportion and I know not why.) It is about allowing there to exist a sacred space between parties which is a gesture of respect to the person asking for help. A respect for the myriad factors which the other may not know about.
And I'm sorry to say, but yours and littlejoey's replies were primarily the ones that turned me off from this place so much. You are probably right, I have some soul-searching to do. But perhaps you do, too. Though I can see that your reply got many Likes, which will only reinforce your beliefs.

Deleting my account. Wishing well.

 

[Lucycat]

Since to have a roommate is to have a relationship,

As an old (er) member from the UK please can I ask for clarification? What exactly do you mean by a room mate? Is it literally someone who shares your bedroom, or is a term loosly applied to what we here call a 'flatmate' - ie sharing a flat or suite of rooms and not simply the one room?

I have in the past - many years ago live in shared accomodation, of the sort when we had individual locked bedroom, but shared bathroom and kitchen between about 20 rooms. There was a cleaner employed for the common areas. Also I have lived in a shared house - 4 of us with our individual bedrooms but not lockable, and a shared living room, kitchen and bathroom which we all had responsibility for cleaning.

What is the situation that you are referring to?I think there is vast difference depending on how much sharing is happening. I am a very private person, and I also perceive judgement of me in other people all the time. I can see how you interpret your roomates comments, although I imagine she see's it very differently. I would probably be spending my time alone in my bedroom if you have that option. I would share as little as possible. But that is just me. I certainly would not share my diagnosis unless I was very close to her.

Sorry - I spent so long writing this reply that I now see that you are deleting your account. Guess I will never know the answers.

 

[joeylittle]

What exactly do you mean by a room mate? Is it literally someone who shares your bedroom, or is a term loosly applied to what we here call a 'flatmate' - ie sharing a flat or suite of rooms and not simply the one room?

Flatmate. :)

 

[bell]

I just want to add that if posters here seem harsh to anyone, please note that we are responding to how *you* are viewing the situation, not the situation as a whole.

And, that people with PTSD are master of negative thinking at times based on former trauma; therefore, what some people may deem harsh, I beg to differ, as I see most posts being written out of a wish for people to improve based on what someone's words are telling us.

Often, we think that we are completely justified in our actions, yet our explanations of a scenario betray us and show to others places where we may not be thinking clearly.

You may not be reading this anymore @Ancient trees, but if you go back and read your posts from the perspective of a stranger, I am betting you will see where some of your thoughts on people "judging" you may have been hasty, projections, or just plain wrong.

We all want to act in the best way possible at all times, but we all fail at some point or another. And I, for one, am grateful when people point out where I may be in error, even if it stings. Yes, they may be wrong because this is the internet, but at no point do I ever think anyone here wishes me ill will, which has made it a safe space in more ways than one.

 

[TonyG]

From what I have seen in all cases on this forum even in my own case what you get is honest opinion, It's not sugar coated, In real life you get that too and if you take a minute to think about who you are asking, a bunch of people exactly where you are at with the same feelings, So if you want support this is as good as it gets straight out honesty.