I Realize That I

[BlackbirdSinging]

I realize that I have a lot of anger inside of me.

I realize that when my anger gets triggered I feel like I could explode.

I realize that some of my anger is misdirected.

I realize that after years of being "the good girl" to avoid extreme situations it's hard for me to keep acting like I'm ok to placate certain people.

I realize that I'm sorry it's hard for certain people to understand me and accept me where I'm at. But I just don't feel like it's my problem if they can't understand me and accept me where I'm at.

I realize that I'm angry right now and I feel like I could scream.

 

[Tanishq]

I realize that I have understood lessons of staying self composed. No need to press them, over think or anything that is not necessary to do. Time to go with it and with the flow.

 

[The Albatross]

I realize that, though now "functional" by standard definitions I am too reliant on my spouse. Perhaps to the detriment of his career. I need to grow some more and be more independent.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@The Albatross

Weird, I realized yesterday, I had to be more accepting of being comfortable in the relationship to ask for assistance and still retain my opinions within the mix. :clown: Maybe we are exploring the same coin just different sides.

So for me...I realized, I can ask for help without feeling "less" accomplished, weak or guilty. Doesn't mean I need to get all bent out of shape over, "No." or over-indebted over the answer,"Yes." Harmony of free options for exploration.

 

[Nighthawk]

The proof is in the pudding. I just got served the evidence.

 

[intothelight]

I realize that I make better progress when I go slow and steady rather than "storming" the goal. Incremental steps work better than giant leaps that leave me falling short.

 

[Britt.f7]

I realize that, though I am going to my dad's, I do not have to stay and visit long.

 

[Tanishq]

I realize that humans are made up of nature. No matter how hard I try to separate myself from nature, it won't happen. Just natural connection with nature.

 

[Anrish]

I realize that I have a family. I can feel connected to them even if I don't fit in completely.

And I also realized that me being gifted always gave me more pressure from the outside. I had to face expectations I could never fulfill and that's why I always try to be best. I don't have to. I'm best when I'm myself - that's enough.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

And I also realized that me being gifted always gave me more pressure

Me too. I never really felt like I fit in. For me I never knew exactly why. My mom always told me I was very smart but deliberately didn't tell me my IQ score. And when I was an adult she lied to me about it twice telling me it was more than 20 and 30 points lower than it is. The only reason I got her to finally tell me what it actually is was because one of my brothers made a comment about it in front of her. I had to back her into a corner but she finally told me. Now I'm really angry that she did that to me.

I realize that I'm a perfectionist.

 

[Let It Be]

I realize that I am going to have to step back from talking with the neighbor who lives across the street. When she told me yesterday, that she had invited the neighbor who just moved away to stay with her when she comes for a visit this weekend, I knew that I'm no longer on the same page as her.

I realize that I can't lose myself to her over what I have gained in myself over the past few months as I continue my healing and self-care.

 

[Anrish]

@BlackbirdSinging : I'm sorry to hear that your mother didn't tell you the truth. But maybe she did so to protect you? My mother also didn't tell me my IQ and it's hard if you don't know what you're dealing with. One own's mind can be cruel. But I'm with you in this...:hug:

I'm also a perfectionist - and I got into bad arguments with my sister in the past who blamed me "I'm not like you"! ...I never expected her to be.

And I realise that I need to write more...that I need my fantasy and my characters who all symbolize some of the pieces which might build me in the end.