I get it now. I should have gotten it before but I was frozen. Everything - every detail and aspect of my life came to a screaming standstill 7 years ago.
Prior to that everything moved along. I got things done, I kept up. I had fun. I did my work. I cooked, I cleaned, I giggled, I danced. Then, in one instance everything froze.
I am not a new person - the impostor that I thought had invaded my body. I am still me. A frozen solid me. I get it now.
I have been going through my files and shredding stuff. I can see the timeline. My body, my brain, my soul, my self all came to a screaming halt seven years ago. Because I ran a business that means I had 14 years worth of files. Normally I would have rolled those over but I couldn't. I just stopped functioning. The files are gone now. All of them. Even the recent ones. I have thrown out my makeup which has been sitting around for years. 7 to be exact. I remember buying them before this all happened. I never wore it again I just took it from spot to spot. Now it is in the garbage. Gone.
So am I, in fact, unfreezing by disposing of all of this stuff? Can I resist the urge to 'replace' it all? I was driven like a crazy woman to 'replace' everything he took. Can I move enough now, breathe enough now that I can remember that it was all a trap? A black hole? I must NOT replace - I must remake.
I thank you all so much for your help yesterday. Quantum shift here today - California hair cut and all ;-)
Prior to that everything moved along. I got things done, I kept up. I had fun. I did my work. I cooked, I cleaned, I giggled, I danced. Then, in one instance everything froze.
I am not a new person - the impostor that I thought had invaded my body. I am still me. A frozen solid me. I get it now.
I have been going through my files and shredding stuff. I can see the timeline. My body, my brain, my soul, my self all came to a screaming halt seven years ago. Because I ran a business that means I had 14 years worth of files. Normally I would have rolled those over but I couldn't. I just stopped functioning. The files are gone now. All of them. Even the recent ones. I have thrown out my makeup which has been sitting around for years. 7 to be exact. I remember buying them before this all happened. I never wore it again I just took it from spot to spot. Now it is in the garbage. Gone.
So am I, in fact, unfreezing by disposing of all of this stuff? Can I resist the urge to 'replace' it all? I was driven like a crazy woman to 'replace' everything he took. Can I move enough now, breathe enough now that I can remember that it was all a trap? A black hole? I must NOT replace - I must remake.
I thank you all so much for your help yesterday. Quantum shift here today - California hair cut and all ;-)
