Cargo Cult Christmas (vent)

[Anarchy]

I really despise Christmas time (HUMBUG!)

I've just realized that my childhood Christmases were equivalent to the cargo cults described in Richard Feynman's famous commencement address;

after WW2, locals on remote Pacific islands had seen what happened when strangers arrived and cut long clearings in the bush, erected funny huts and lit fires allong side the clearings at night - flying things with all sorts of good things inside them came and landed. So, the locals cut their own long clearings, built huts on stilts, lit fires all along them at night, they even had people sit inside the huts wearing appropriate head gear with bits of wood over their ears.

everything looked right, but the desired end (in this case, having lots of flying things full of goodies, appearing and landing) never happened.

So it was with my childhood Christmasses.

Got to have a christmas tree - My best minerals and fossils (I was not allowed to havbe them in the house so I kept them near the door, where I hoped they'd be safe) got thrown into the bucket and broken to anchor that christmas tree

Got to have the family there, so my grandparents (grandfather was a miserable tyrant) came for Christmas dinner, I'd usually spent the morning helping him on the farm and getting: frozen, berated for my crap school report, blamed for not spontaneously reminding him of things to take along... loads of ambient toxic crap.

My grandparents did not have a good relationship and their relationship with my parents was seriously strained. Turkey with toxic atmosphere for christmas dinner - lovely...

like so many other things in life, the appearences were there but the important bits were missing.

 

[darrenS]

i still have a hard time adjusting to cold and snow , and being stuck indoors. I miss barbeques, cricket matches and getting smashed, and knowing if you fell down from too much partying , you would likely get sunburn , not frostbite. The sound of blowies comin at ya from 10 feet away ...and trying to consume a roast in 100 degree weather..nothing like an aussie christmas

 

[digger]

the appearences were there but the important bits were missing.

I think that about sums it up for me.

 

[scout86]

And the "important bits" are all that really matters.

I remember a Christmas where some friends and I decorated a tree with ornaments made from empty beer cans. (It was what we had. LOL) I remember a Christmas living in the front of a horse trailer (electric space heater with extension cord). It was cold, but the month prior I'd been living in my truck and that was colder. But both of those Christmases were spent in places where I knew I was wanted and accepted and that's what really counts. I remember them both with a certain fondness.

The best friend I've ever had taught me about Christmas. He LOVED Christmas shopping. He always waited until Christmas eve afternoon and then he'd set out on his "quest for the perfect Christmas presents". These gifts had to fit several criteria. First, they had to be something the recipients would be delighted with and surprised by. The more eccentric the better. They were usually inexpensive. Expense wasn't the objective, delight was. He shopped at second hand stores, hardware stores, the Salvation Army store, you name it, the stranger the better. Watching the delight with which he went about his quest was a delight in itself.

The first Christmas after his death was challenging. (I was working for his family at the time and was included in the family Christmas.) We talked about how to do Christmas without him and decided to follow his theme. I bought everyone stuffed animals. Bought one for myself too. It was sad without him, but, you know, it was also ok. It really IS more blessed to give than to receive.

But that's what Christmas is all about, in my opinion. Finding that little something you can do to bring that look of pure delight to someone else. The look is more of a treasure than any other gift I've ever received.

One other thing that I've found, for me. I am fully aware that I have a lot of say in what my holidays are like NOW. I make a point of making them exactly what I want them to be and I treasure them. There are sometimes official, family, festivities that I feel obligated to attend. That's different. It's an obligation, not a celebration. I celebrate too, though and always pause to appreciate that, no matter how bad something might seem in the moment, it could be worse and probably has been. And I appreciate where I am NOW.

Make your own holiday, @Anarchy ! (You might like Thanksgiving better. Maybe you could start a movement to import it into the UK!)

 

[violetclouds]

I have made the decision to decline all family celebration invites this year. My family caused my PTSD, mostly my mother, and I have decided that ruining my holidays by subjecting myself to further abuse (emotional at this point) to fulfill some perceived social obligation is unacceptable. I will celebrate with my immediate family and have an awesome holiday - my husband who is wonderful, my daughters who are awesome young ladies that I am very proud of, and myself! Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas to all!

 

[fly away home]

This Christmas it has become blatantly obvious that i have removed myself from just about every member of my family. Christmas Day will be spent with my daughter who is five. We will visit my ex so that she can see her daddy. I will find this difficult. We will also visit my mother, again I will find this difficult. I look at myself and wonder what is so wrong with me, i have no good feelings when i think of family. And it's hard to believe that it's all their fault because here i am, the common denominator, not wanting to see any family member from either side.

 

[Seagreen]

We always went away for Christmas to my grandparents house. All of my Aunts, Uncles and cousins would squeeze into our grandparents house on Christmas eve. There would be beds made up on the floor which we had to step over. On Christmas morning the living room would be filled to the brim with gifts as there were so many of us. My pop would hand them out. Nan would make a huge lunch for us all and in the evening there was left over cold meats with salad and fresh raspberries. I'm really glad they did that for us because it really was a happy time and I know that life can be like that even if its just a memory now.