Hyper Vigilance

[LiveLongandProsper]

I'm really new to understanding what is going on with me. i didn't know it was called hyper vigilance. i'm like that almost 24/7, even at home. i think i just figured out why i'm so stressed and sick... does anyone know ways to help?

I also feel guilty for what happened to me, like i caused it, and i know i didn't but i do. i also worry that somehow my brain made it up, that maybe I'm nuts. that i wish it wasn't real...

does anyone have small things they do like... not stepping on cracks when they are emotional? i noticed that when i am really stressed and had a bad flashback i start to walk so that i don't step on cracks...

 

[Seasounds]

Yes, I have certain behaviors that come out when I'm triggerred, just different ones.

And to clarify, I think it might be helpful to make a distinction between hypervigilant behaviors, and obsessive/compulsive behaviors.

When I'm triggerred, my hypervigilant behaviors are leaving the lights on when I sleep, getting anxious when around people-fearing attack, staying away from crowded places, etc.

My obsessive/compulsive habits, that increase when I am triggerred include worrying (that life will collapse on me, like, Henny Penny-who thought the sky would fall down), eating between meals, eating too much,etc.

When I see my obsessive/compulsive behaviors increase, it is a sign to me that I've been triggerred (if I didn't already know it.).

 

[LiveLongandProsper]

I'm almost always hyper vigilant though. so anything else is something else.

 

[Wounded Scribe]

My hyper vigilance, wow, I don't know, honestly where to begin. Suffice it to say, it was one of the reasons why my wife last year told me she could no longer live with me. She didn't exactly come out and say, "Hey! Your constant hyper vigilance is one of the reasons why I won't spend another day of my life with you." It was one of those things, compounded with perhaps another half-dozen PTSD symptoms that was shoving her out the door.

It's caused me more problems than I can count and can remember.

For example, yesterday in therapy, the trauma T brought up some of the ways I am using to relax. I have been trying to walk, but anytime, anyone comes out of their house, drives past me, passes me on foot on the other side of the street, rides past me on a bike, or God forbid, has decided to take a walk also on a nice day...on the same side of the street, and they are perhaps, 1/4 of a mile in front of me.... I can't help feel this awful anxiety, and I am supposed to be relaxing.

I recently embarassed my wife because an elderly lady shoved past me to get to an open register. It was a gentle nudge, but I felt as if she were attacking me. My response network was hyper-driven, and I made a scene out of it because in my PTSD worn out mind, she was trying to physically hurt me.

I have nothing in the form of advice other than to say, this is why this forum is wonderful. You can come here and say, "I am hyper-vigilant" and so many of us can relate to what that feels like, does to our life, perhaps more informed members can offer you some sage advice.

ETA: Wife and I are working through it. She's in counseling with me. She goes to my PTSD counseling sessions to learn what this is, how she can learn to live with me and it, learn to be more supportive, and likewise, things I can do to help make things easier on her. My hyper vigilance is one of those areas I've committed to slowly dial down.

By the way, welcome to the forum. I hope you find the community as informative as I've found it to be. Wishing you the very best on your road to recovery, and answers.

 

[Kefira]

I have been dealing with a lot of hypervigilance lately. I think partially due to a stressful living situation, and partly to my being sick the past couple weeks all compounded by the fact that the holiday season tends to be very triggering on a lot of levels for me.

I think it might be helpful to make a distinction between hypervigilant behaviors, and obsessive/compulsive behaviors.

Agreed. I have a lot of little compulsive quirks, but personally they don't tend to increase too much with stress unless I'm completely spinning out into rock bottom territory and really losing it.

My hypervigilance, on the other hand, increases exponentially with stress. for the past few weeks I've been sleeping with lights on, my outer shower curtain is even pulled back a few rings so I can lean forward and see the door, I went out yesterday for groceries and was trying to calm down all night because I was so jumpy. On a pretty regular basis I am unable to sit with my back to a door, preferably sitting next to a wall and not a window (The one exception being my friends who are combat trained and I trust enough to watch my back). I also have difficult with eye contact in conversations, which I knew but only recently realized was primarily because I'm always looking away to scan the room, or at least using my peripheral vision more that I end up actually seeing the person. Much of this is constant and has sort of become my new normal: I find times where I feel fairly relaxed but my heart rate is through the roof once I tune in.

 

[LiveLongandProsper]

again. i am always hyper vigilant. the compulsive behavior addition to this post was an after thought that i noticed i was doing today.

 

[joeylittle]

again. i am always hyper vigilant.

Is it possible, then, that you either have Generalized Anxiety Disorder as co-morbid to your PTSD? Hyper-vigilance is hallmarked by "searching" behavior - so, honestly believing that a threat is at hand and scanning for it visually or aurally, or struggling with surpressing scanning for it. Anxiety is one expression of hyper-vigilance. OCD-like behaviors can develop from prolonged hypervigilance.

An anxiety disorder will (generally) not have that targeted sense of "threat at hand" - it will stem more from a not-knowing what is near and feeling powerless to stop it.

They are both hard to manage - I just find sometimes people miss the distinction, or muddle having a startle response with being hypervigilant (you can have one without the other).

 

[LiveLongandProsper]

i don't know, i have to learn a lot more. i just wish i knew how to make it stop. because it's just showing that most of my personality was created by my abuse. and i'm not who i am, i'm a product of my mental reaction to years of abuse and suppression.

 

[ghotiff]

Does your hypervigalence ever let up or lesson. Maybe looking for patterns of behaviors or events where it is less? These might help you identify your self soothing strategies.

I still am not sure the difference but I think I have anxiety. Some of my self soothing activities took a whole to work out. They were there all along but I must have had negative feeedback about them because I always felt bad doing them and felt that they were being "lazy ".

 

[LiveLongandProsper]

ive been trying to figure that out, and honestly the only time i'm not completely paranoid is when i'm at a convention or in a big city. I'm not sure why, but i seem more content knowing i'm hundreds of miles away from the physical people who hurt me, doing things they never would admit are fun, meeting people they wish they could.

basically when I am getting revenge. :/

 

[Friday]

What soothes my hypervigilance is to use it. To be in situations where it's necessary and called for. Then I can take it out for a good and decent stretch, put it to use, and then put it away.

The best situation for me is using it for work. (Everyone has different things that work best for them). Second best is using it artistically. Work has clearly defined boundaries. Art a little less so. Having no interior sense of structure, I have to create my structure externally. So the clearly defined boundaries of work & not, help me out. There are other things as well. It's not paranoia to do a perimeter sweep. Shrug. Do one. No worries. It's paranoia to keep doing them / not trusting your own assertion and evaluation when the situation hasn't changed.