I have a feeling that I can't see myself being anywhere near happy in the future or even now. I have very little want to start working. I find that nothing I have now is worth even moving on and theres no point of moving forward of getting a job, getting my own place. Its almost like I am struggling everyday by something I can't put into words if its depression or whatever but I don't see getting a job because it will add to the problem I have now and push me over the edge into a deep depression. Im planning to not take the traditional route of university but want to start my own business in a trade so theres also that feeling of uncertainty in it that doesnt help at all... I did take a year in university and have a somewhat planned goal to pursue some workshops. My drive is at 0, walking dead they call it..
A little background that might give some insight. I have 2 older brothers that I don't have a connection with. A father and mother that both are together and raised us but my father was working constantly during my childhood.He never was a role model in any way, taught me nothing at all or at very least life talks, don't remember smiling or laughing once in my childhood, actually remember none of it and a possible rape case (sketchy repressed memory). fathers Dissapointed that i dropped out of university although thats reasonable. At four I moved to a new country and I have no direct contact with any one in the family other than my brothers and parents. Generally a lot of neglect and bad negative parenting, passing their problems onto me. At times I had to raise them. Makes me sound whatever but thats in the past yet still with me.
At this point I don't know what to do next other than to just get the job and suck it up but still at some point need to address this issue and hopefully not go into deeper depression that I'm in now. Its super stressful because I'm depressed but not suicidal. Whats the next course of action other than robbing a store which is what I would probably do if I was dumb enough or lived in a bad neighbourhood.
A little background that might give some insight. I have 2 older brothers that I don't have a connection with. A father and mother that both are together and raised us but my father was working constantly during my childhood.He never was a role model in any way, taught me nothing at all or at very least life talks, don't remember smiling or laughing once in my childhood, actually remember none of it and a possible rape case (sketchy repressed memory). fathers Dissapointed that i dropped out of university although thats reasonable. At four I moved to a new country and I have no direct contact with any one in the family other than my brothers and parents. Generally a lot of neglect and bad negative parenting, passing their problems onto me. At times I had to raise them. Makes me sound whatever but thats in the past yet still with me.
At this point I don't know what to do next other than to just get the job and suck it up but still at some point need to address this issue and hopefully not go into deeper depression that I'm in now. Its super stressful because I'm depressed but not suicidal. Whats the next course of action other than robbing a store which is what I would probably do if I was dumb enough or lived in a bad neighbourhood.
