I Wish He Would Text More

[Momofthree]

I know it goes against a lot of what supporters know to do: "when they are withdrawing, let them, give them space and don't contact them." That being said I think this is one of the several differences between PTSD and C-PTSD. I have anxiety about my partner just 'disappearing' or feel like he's only with me because I keep the relationship going. So when I send a text he sends one back almost right away, but if I don't send a text he rarely initiates by sending me random "I'm thinking of you" texts and I really, really want him too!! Does anyone else wish there supporters reached out more? How can I tell him I want him to text more without feeling like I'm forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do?

 

[lizbabe]

Im the same way. My fiancee dont text me first i have to text him always first. Maybe you could say i wish we would talk more and text more. It makes me smile to have a reminder that your next to me and care very much. Thats what i said and we text alot more now. :)

 

[Momofthree]

The problem is I already feel like I'm forcing him to stay, like I'm being to clingy and needy and co-dependent. I feel like I should just let him go because he would be better off without me... I can't then turn around and say "I wish you would text me more" because then every time he texts me I'll feel like he's only doing it because I asked and not because he wants too. I know this is all in my head, but I can't shake the feeling that if I stop being 'clingy' he would just fall of the face of the planet.

 

[lizbabe]

Hmm... can you talk to him ask him how he truly feels about you. And about the relationship. That may help i had to do this before too. As much as it may hurt and be difficult you deserve the truth.

 

[Momofthree]

I have talked to him about how he feels, he thinks I'm amazing and special. He loves everything about me. He's the perfect carer and I love being loved by him. He isn't the issue, but we have been together for almost 7 months now and I really have to fight hard not to preemptively abandon him... I know it is as easy as saying "Hay baby, I love when you send me random texts" and I wish you would do that more often" and he would send me a text every hour on the hour is I asked him too, I just can't bring myself to do it.

 

[lizbabe]

Awww. I understand more now. Try just opening up to him. Im sure he'll understand. See if he wants to go to dinner or something.

 

[T33]

This is the hardest part for me, to see the impact on the loved ones. I cant speak directly for your significant other, but odds are he no longer has a clue who he is and all his energy is spent staying "Normal" if you can hold threw this, he may owe his life to you. I know I owe as much to my wife (Girlfriend at the time of return from Afghanistan). And its not out of pity, one of the easiest this for PTSD sufferers to do is push people out. Be sure its what you want though, as he begins to deal with his demons its rarely pretty and usually needs some serious persuasion to get help. I admire you girls, I cant understand why you deal with us. Good Luck,

 

[Momofthree]

T33... I'm the one who has PTSD. To be specific I have Complex PTSD due to childhood abuse and neglect and being married 7yrs to a psychopath who abused me in every way imaginable. I don't know how to have a healthy relationship but I am trying and I owe so much to my partner who has patents in spades. I'm just VARY insecure and don't want to be hurt again... problem is you can't have a relationship and avoid pain at all cost, it doesn't work.
To be honest this isn't really about him not texting me enough, it's about me looking for a reason to avoid pain. Ugh I hate when I have realizations like this... it would be easier if it was just a texting problem LOL

 

[lizbabe]

I understand.

 

[T33]

Ah I see, so sorry I miss understood. Yep, its easy to mask the issues, however you need no explanation.
I wish you the best, I hope you accept him, he may just be cautious to not "set you off" by initiating contact.

 

[Momofthree]

@T33 I'm sure that's what it is... he wants to be the best supporter he can be and most often the advice is "don't push" and "let them come to you when you are ready"

 

[falling_wave]

Does anyone else wish there supporters reached out more?

Yes, if my supporter sends me a text or check in on me when I'm withdrawing sometimes that will be enough to pull me right out of it. Im not sure how to ask exactly but what I do is every time she does I thank her for doing so and tell her how it helped me. I guess then I'm not making her do it but if she wants to she knows it is helpful.