I had a full blown meltdown yesterday. There are various reasons, but mainly a major loss of all stability in my life. I had the day off of work so was sitting at home when I started having panic attacks and thinking about suicide. My Internet was down so I couldn't go online to find the number for a crisis hotline. I did the only other thing I could think of that made sense to me - i contacted my friends and told them i was contemplating suicide. In response, one friend told me "that's your problem" and that he was busy. Another scolded me for doing something as "insane" as telling her I was considering suicide. I can't believe I considered these people my friends; and I honestly don't think I did anything wrong by being completely honest with them and asking for help. Even today, 24 hours later, they are being rude to me and telling me it was wrong of me to do that. They all knew I'd just started treatment for PTSD; it's not like this was out of the blue. I don't know how to move on from this; these people were my only friends.
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Reached Out And Got Chastised For It
- Post starter Casey_03
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D
Deleted member 1860
Would these be the same kind of people who freak out later, that is if you didn't reach out.....they'd say "why didn't she just reach out to me! I would have helped her!"
I'm so sorry you're struggling. This type of crap is why I am in full retreat mode and don't reach out for anything anymore. People like to say that they are kind and supportive and will help you along, but its only if you have minor problems which don't really affect them one way or another, like "oh, I'm sad because its Monday and I have to go to work..." Anything more than that and they throw it in your face and tell you to fix yourself. (Sorry for the bitter rant!)
I'm so sorry you're struggling. This type of crap is why I am in full retreat mode and don't reach out for anything anymore. People like to say that they are kind and supportive and will help you along, but its only if you have minor problems which don't really affect them one way or another, like "oh, I'm sad because its Monday and I have to go to work..." Anything more than that and they throw it in your face and tell you to fix yourself. (Sorry for the bitter rant!)
- Post starter
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The best part is they asked me what I was hoping to accomplish by doing this. I said: "I was trying to save myself." I thought it was pretty obvious. The only words I heard from them today was, "You need psychiatric help." I don't understand how people can be so callous and ignorant. I am getting psychiatric help and paying mightily for it. I even warned them that therapy would be an uphill battle and likely make me worse before it makes me better. Now I'm definitely in full retreat mode. This will probably set me back quite a bit.
WillyKat
Diamond Member
That's really awful. Having experienced the pain of that same scenario many, many years ago, I'm really sorry you are now dealing with this.
One of the most painful aspects of PTSD is the turmoil it can cause among friendships. What I found out, but very, very slowly, is that we need a support network. That network may or may not include old friends. Most of my friends from high school, for example, I would never want to attempt to include them in my network. I tried that once, as I mentioned, and she's just not support network material.
In other words, I have a number of friends that I don't consider part of my support network. But those in my support network are all my friends.
It doesn't necessarily mean you have to give up or not be friends with these people. But it does mean the relationship changes. Painful but necessary.
Feel free to lean on us here on the forum anytime.
One of the most painful aspects of PTSD is the turmoil it can cause among friendships. What I found out, but very, very slowly, is that we need a support network. That network may or may not include old friends. Most of my friends from high school, for example, I would never want to attempt to include them in my network. I tried that once, as I mentioned, and she's just not support network material.
In other words, I have a number of friends that I don't consider part of my support network. But those in my support network are all my friends.
It doesn't necessarily mean you have to give up or not be friends with these people. But it does mean the relationship changes. Painful but necessary.
Feel free to lean on us here on the forum anytime.
The Albatross
VIP Member
WillyKat is spot on about support friendships. Sounds like a good thing to bring up in therapy and see if you can work on a support network?
WillyKat
Diamond Member
I was writing my last post as you were posting yours…just wanted to add that yes, this is a setback. There will be more. You will get through this one and the others that will come.
I've found that those that like to say things like "you need help" may actually need it themselves. And I think in this case, they may feel overwhelmed and not know how to help you, so they run away. I think they probably don't know how much that hurts.
I've found that those that like to say things like "you need help" may actually need it themselves. And I think in this case, they may feel overwhelmed and not know how to help you, so they run away. I think they probably don't know how much that hurts.
Friday
Sponsor
And yet.... Whatever they said appears to have shocked your &/or pissed you off enough it got your fight up?
There's a certain kind of ethos: I'm going to start kicking your ass, and keep kicking it, and keep kicking it, until you stop thinking about tomorrow & tomorrow, and can only think about how much your ass hurts.
I know when I was seriously at risk, I headed over to my friend A's house... Because he won't think twice about about slapping me hard across the face and shoutingi "What the hell is wrong with you, you pansy ass coward?" And if I was still blubbering? He'd drag me up by my collar and hit me again. And hit me again. (Until I'm shouting right back at him... What the hell is wrong with you?) and start taking a swing at him. <grin> Actually we ended up having a nice rousing little fight. He outclasses me by a mile. I think he handed my ass to me about 8 or 9 times that day. And then he essentially sat on me for about a month. Love that big jerk. I've also gone over to A's house, and had him wrap me up in a huge hug, plied with vodka until I'm piss drunk, and tucked into bed. With A, you never really knew how he'd respond. It depended on how serious he thought you were. If you were just having a bad night, he was a good friend. If you were actively suicidal? He was a better friend. Cause he'd find whatever scraps of fight were left in you and drag them out. The whole "teach a man to fish" kind of thing.
One of my big fears, is that I don't have anyone like A in my life, right now. I don't have anyone for whom suicide pisses them off. No one who has lost so many people trying to fight, that they'll kick my ass for even thinking it. And no one for whom death is an old friend. If I die? I die. That's on me. Not them.
Nope, at present, I only have people for whom suicide scares them. They won't act, because they're afraid of any action they take being wrong. I don't hold that against them. They're friends. Not professionals.
There are times when hugging it out, and sweet words are the best medicine.
There are also times when the best medicine is a swift crack across the face & ass chewing can save months of misery.
Most of the time, most people, won't know which is the right choice. They might not even know there is a choice.
There's a certain kind of ethos: I'm going to start kicking your ass, and keep kicking it, and keep kicking it, until you stop thinking about tomorrow & tomorrow, and can only think about how much your ass hurts.
I know when I was seriously at risk, I headed over to my friend A's house... Because he won't think twice about about slapping me hard across the face and shoutingi "What the hell is wrong with you, you pansy ass coward?" And if I was still blubbering? He'd drag me up by my collar and hit me again. And hit me again. (Until I'm shouting right back at him... What the hell is wrong with you?) and start taking a swing at him. <grin> Actually we ended up having a nice rousing little fight. He outclasses me by a mile. I think he handed my ass to me about 8 or 9 times that day. And then he essentially sat on me for about a month. Love that big jerk. I've also gone over to A's house, and had him wrap me up in a huge hug, plied with vodka until I'm piss drunk, and tucked into bed. With A, you never really knew how he'd respond. It depended on how serious he thought you were. If you were just having a bad night, he was a good friend. If you were actively suicidal? He was a better friend. Cause he'd find whatever scraps of fight were left in you and drag them out. The whole "teach a man to fish" kind of thing.
One of my big fears, is that I don't have anyone like A in my life, right now. I don't have anyone for whom suicide pisses them off. No one who has lost so many people trying to fight, that they'll kick my ass for even thinking it. And no one for whom death is an old friend. If I die? I die. That's on me. Not them.
Nope, at present, I only have people for whom suicide scares them. They won't act, because they're afraid of any action they take being wrong. I don't hold that against them. They're friends. Not professionals.
There are times when hugging it out, and sweet words are the best medicine.
There are also times when the best medicine is a swift crack across the face & ass chewing can save months of misery.
Most of the time, most people, won't know which is the right choice. They might not even know there is a choice.
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scout86
VIP Member
To begin with, I'm glad you didn't kill yourself. And the idea of some kind of a "plan" before there's a next time sounds like a good one.
They may be friends, but they definitely have their limitations! Everyone does. There are lots of people I might call "friends" but very few in the "you'd take a bullet for your friend" sense that really counts. Are you still debating between staying where you are and moving back to the States? (Because your support system THERE isn't winning any awards.)
They may be friends, but they definitely have their limitations! Everyone does. There are lots of people I might call "friends" but very few in the "you'd take a bullet for your friend" sense that really counts. Are you still debating between staying where you are and moving back to the States? (Because your support system THERE isn't winning any awards.)
joeylittle
Sponsor
I've learned that when you tell people your life is in their hands, unless they have training, they cannot react. I learned this actually the other way round, by someone calling me when they were in deep crisis. This doesn't mean you can't reach out - but it does mean you need to ask for what you need. It's hard, because a crisis line (usually? sometimes?) knows.
Saying to a friend "I'm having a hard time right now, I'm very down - can you help distract me for awhile?" Or, more clearly, "I am very sad right now - are you available to spend time with me?"
I'm not saying this is your fault, please don't think that. And I agree with what everyone has said about a support network as well - there is one person in my life I can really say these things to, and only one. It's hard when I can't get in touch with her, we live in different cities. But I've discovered that she is the only person who is OK with that level of sad.
Also, don't be afraid to go to the hospital. I don't know how it works where you are, but sometimes I just go and sit in the lobby if I can't get ahold of anyone and I really am struggling.
D
Deleted member 12723
These people are not there for you. They did so much damage and harm to you. I do not think these people are your friends and it is time to fade them out because they are sounding very hard hearted.
I had to learn the hard way that not everyone who claims to be a friend is really your friend. It sounds like these people have their own agenda for you and that does not include in helping you in a dire need for help. Just my opinion. Let them fade out of your life. Many hugs for not killing yourself I am so happy that you did not become another statistic.
Stay here on the forum for good help and support. I wish I had access to the forum when I first started therapy>
I had to learn the hard way that not everyone who claims to be a friend is really your friend. It sounds like these people have their own agenda for you and that does not include in helping you in a dire need for help. Just my opinion. Let them fade out of your life. Many hugs for not killing yourself I am so happy that you did not become another statistic.
Stay here on the forum for good help and support. I wish I had access to the forum when I first started therapy>
scout86
VIP Member
Just another thought..... I don't know these people, so I have no clue where they're coming from.
I've thought about suicide ever since I can remember. I always assumed everyone did. (Yes, I'm totally serious.) A few years ago, I was listening to a conversation where the subject came up and several people seriously said they couldn't imagine what would lead a person to think about it, much less do it. (No, I didn't say anything. It wasn't THAT kind of conversation.) I've heard this a few times since, and find it a bit perplexing. Actually talked about it once with my mechanic. He's a nice guy, and a veteran, who's lost a friend to suicide. I don't think, even though I tried, he's capable of understanding, although he cares deeply and gets that it's a real thing. (He said I'm a valued customer and I'd better call him first. :rolleyes:)
Anyway, it's possible these people are in the "truly don't get it" camp. They still sound pretty cold, even for that, but that could be part of the problem. Anyone here would know it's serious and a bad place to be and all that. Others might lack that insight.
Which doesn't mean you don't need a better plan!
I've thought about suicide ever since I can remember. I always assumed everyone did. (Yes, I'm totally serious.) A few years ago, I was listening to a conversation where the subject came up and several people seriously said they couldn't imagine what would lead a person to think about it, much less do it. (No, I didn't say anything. It wasn't THAT kind of conversation.) I've heard this a few times since, and find it a bit perplexing. Actually talked about it once with my mechanic. He's a nice guy, and a veteran, who's lost a friend to suicide. I don't think, even though I tried, he's capable of understanding, although he cares deeply and gets that it's a real thing. (He said I'm a valued customer and I'd better call him first. :rolleyes:)
Anyway, it's possible these people are in the "truly don't get it" camp. They still sound pretty cold, even for that, but that could be part of the problem. Anyone here would know it's serious and a bad place to be and all that. Others might lack that insight.
Which doesn't mean you don't need a better plan!
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