Relationship Is It Easier To Live With Someone With Ptsd Or Be Away From Them When They Are Isolated?

[emz315]

Hi There,

My partner has combat ptsd i have been with him for nearly a year. We are still together but it can be a day to day struggle at times especially when he is currently hitting rock bottom ...this is my first experience and i have never seen him this affected before. We do not live together and just yesterday we compromised that whilst he is going through this currently we have stepped it down a notch to seeing eachother just on the weekend. but still texting day on day off and a phone call during the week....his really trying.... but has also said his running out of steam ...I texted him today not expecting to hear back...no question or anything just telling him that the "plants we had picked did not make it on the balcony and i may have to try again when i get my own place lol and that i hope his day was going okay x" have to admit he was quite drained after last nights conversation. My question is.....?? is it harder to actually live with PTSD or is it harder being away from them when you dont live together? Im finding it quite hard at times and feel i would much prefer being around him during this time? Im finding myself quite angry at PTSD and what it is doing and i seem to be researching so much...like an obsession...did anyone else do this when their partner/friend/family was diagnosed??

 

[Sweetpea76]

i seem to be researching so much...like an obsession...did anyone else do this when their partner/friend/family was diagnosed??

I personally research a lot. I think it is very comforting. My Vet has been through lots of treatment, therapy, and even an inpatient program... he knows what is going on. I have not, so it was all new to me. I have quite a bit of learning to do still. Not only do I have to learn about PTSD in general, but also combat PTSD, and the way his specific case of PTSD manifests itself, including how his TBI plays into it. That's a lot to soak in, so I think researching is a good idea for any supporter.

Im finding myself quite angry at PTSD and what it is doing

Join the club sister :O_o:. My vet was a big, strong, high speed, in-charge guy. Now he is physically disabled as well as having PTSD... It's sucky and unfair that anybody should ever go through anything that would cause that. I think what makes it harder is when an alpha-male personally suddenly finds itself dealing with all the anxiety and uncertainty that PTSD causes. It's awful for him, and it is awful to see him hurting. It is enough to make anybody angry at the unfairness of it all. You can't play the "what if he didn't have PTSD" game though... because that is just not reality.

is it harder to actually live with Link Removed or is it harder being away from them when you dont live together?

I would say that just depends on how the wind is blowing that day...

 

[Sighs]

is it harder to actually live with Link Removed or is it harder being away from them when you dont live together?

hhmmmmm - I'd say its a little like - is it worse to break your arm by being kicked by a horse or is it worse to break your arm by falling off a horse?

Not sure if that makes sense to anyone else, but my point is it really really really sucks either way. I've done both. We did a long distance relationship for a while and I hated it when he was withdrawn, angry and depressed and I couldn't be there for him to soothe him. We had some major disagreements which I don't think would have happened if we were able to talk in person. On the other hand, now that we live together I hate it when he is venting and lashing out verbally at me because I happen to be there.

And yes, some days I feel like his combat PTSD has somehow become my obsession and all I think about.

its a hell of a ride @emz315! Welcome to the roller coaster!

 

[emz315]

@Sighs and @Sweetpea76 .....oh the joy of what i'm in. dont mind me saying this but it would be so easy for me just to walk away and get out...but you know thats just not an option for me right now... because i love him and want to stand by him ..... i'm willing to go through this with him but i'm also looking after myself i start my sessions next week with a psych myself...i was suprised to hear from him last night after i texted him earlier in the day..... the one thing i know with him is that he trys and if i dont hear from him one day i will most def hear from him the next no matter what, And if i call it doesnt bother him ........... I have found out though that why his not getting as much treatment as he should be... he still actively works in the military (which he loves as a training teacher in IED but still angers him because he feels he is setting these youngsters up to fail over there because of the type of training he is passing on is most likely to cause more damage than good) he has told me if they find out he will lose everything...so i've offered him an outside contact VIA email today that i spoke to him about which specialise in a traumatic stress clinic in Sydneys Westmead hospital they provide 12 weeks CBT therapy free service too.... so all i could do was forward the info through to him and let him know that he may be able to get some perspective and answers .. he is currently seeing the clinical psych on thursdays and fridays at the moment which is something atleast....

@Sighs i'm sorry to hear that he lashes out at you. You definently do not deserve that i'm finding alot of comfort and support here and i will send that out to others too as much as i can. Can i ask when you say verbally what do you mean by that?

@Sweetpea76 If you would like further information on TBI and support thats my specialty I work in the field of Acquired brain injury, mental health, drug and alcohol and have lots of information :)

Emz

 

[Sighs]

@emz315 - I mean he does not physically hit me. He lashes out by yelling, swearing, calling me names, blaming me for whatever is bugging him right that second.

If I understand you correctly your man is hiding his condition from the ADF because he thinks if they find out he will lose his job? So you are trying to find him treatment in civvy-land? I suppose he may be best placed to know but I can't see why he doesn't get appropriate treatment from a specialist in combat PTSD through the ADF. My experience of the ADF is that they try to keep the guys in roles like your man's (ie: instructing) rather than pension them off. They have just recently announced that if a member of the ADF is suffering from depression, anxiety or PTSD they will pay for treatment WITHOUT the need to show that the condition is related to service. I think he would get better treatment from specialists in combat PTSD than in civvy-land. I know you can lead him to water but you can't make him drink...

Hugs if you accept them.

 

[emz315]

@Sighs .... right back at you :)

Yes he thinks he will lose his Job yep trying to find him treatment in civvy-land haha....he is in the airforce do you know where i can obtain that info through the ADF to maybe show it to him so can give him that info.... there has got to be legislations or policies in the ADF?

the program i have found and spoke with actually do specialise in combat PTSD you can take a look too in sydney :) westmead hospital traumaticstressclinic

hugs

 

[emz315]

@Sighs ..also does he realise when he does this? and does he apologise and talk too you?

 

[Sweetpea76]

[DLMURL="https://www.myptsd.com/c/members/18390/"]@Sweetpea76[/DLMURL] If you would like further information on TBI and support thats my specialty I work in the field of Acquired brain injury, mental health, drug and alcohol and have lots of information :)

Great! I'm not as up to speed on the TBI thing as I am on the PTSD thing for sure.

 

[emz315]

@Sweetpea76 great you can personally message me if thats easier

 

[Sighs]

Had a look at the Westmead site. No mention of combat PTSD. They mention police officers, journalists and refugees but no mention of soldiers. St John of God at Richmond has a partnership with Soldier On and a program specifically for combat PTSD. No idea on cost or how you get referred but it might be worth looking into.

Does he realise when he vents at me? No I don't think he does to be honest. I have posted a thread about this. I think he dissociates and then can't understand why I am crying. He does from time to time apologise for being cranky or hard to live with.

 

[emz315]

@Sighs try typing in traumaticstressclinic its a website with the com at the end

 

[Sighs]

Yup. That's the website I was on. This is what they say about their treatment:

More specifically, our treatment is designed for individuals who have:

1. lost a loved one, or
2. experienced or witnessed an event which could result in serious injury or harm to themselves or another person. Examples of these events include road traffic accidents, physical and sexual assaults, other violent crimes, industrial accidents, natural disasters, or life threatening medical complications.
3. Refugees who have experienced traumatic events in their home countries.

(Their bold not mine.)

Don't get me wrong - I'm sure it would be better than nothing but it does not look to me like they are designed to treat combat PTSD. They are focused on civvy PTSD. Which is why I suggested you check out the St John of God program which is specifically for combat PTSD. My personal very non expert opinion is that they are quite different in nature and that if the therapist does not understand military culture it is hard for the sufferer to feel comfortable.