I Can't Function This Way Much Longer

[GWhizz]

Unfortunately changing my working hours is not possible - I'm contracted to be avail 24/7.

It's not that I'm looking to even improve how I sleep anymore - I pretty much have accepted a lifetime of insomnia. I just don't feel able to cope right now. Between therapy, work, college, family life, ptsd etc - it's all just overwhelming me right now. I can't function as I need to these days if that makes sense.

I think I may try getting up at night again and try snooze on the couch or something. I had decided that staying in bed was my best option so not to stimulate myself. But trying to force sleep, especially in the bedspace, obviously isn't working for me either!

 

[Recovery4Me]

(((hugs))) @GWhizz

But trying to force sleep, especially in the bedspace, obviously isn't working for me either!

Sometimes, not forcing myself into a bedspace, will relax my mind's inner hum -of the low level flight or fight adrenaline from the past trauma. As much of my reoccurring trauma happened as I was forced into an bed area physical space...it has been a kindness in a manner for me not to do the same to myself. Sometimes my well meaning discipline for self care actually triggered myself.

So different sleeping places such as couch, cots have helped me through the years. I just purchased various alarms for through out the house and did much school work when I could not sleep. Hope this helps or might make a little sense to offer a peaceful feel on your body's restlessness. :hug:

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I sleep better during the day, curled up like a cat on my bed in a patch of sun, than I ever can at night. I feel safer during the day and there's less pressure to fall asleep like a 'normal' person. I really try to not nap in the day because it makes nighttime harder, as I'm even LESS tired/ready to sleep. But when the nightmares and sleeping is horrible, these little cat naps definitely help me make it through my week and can help me be a little less of an anxious zombie.

 

[GWhizz]

Funny, I can't sleep during the day at all - nights are hard but days impossible. I'm actually just getting signed off nightshifts now for this reason as I'm like a zombie working nights and it's not safe for me let alone patients who need a functional nurse!

I do try to catnap when my son is napping but tbh it's a waste of 2hours as I inevitably end up more frustrated by my inability to relax. That or I have flashbacks when my mind is alone. Kinda makes me fear being alone in my own company.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Oh, so right! Being alone I'm my own worst enemy at times. I hope your new schedule allows more restful sleep.

 

[Adorraj]

I'm new here so Hello everyone

My sleep has gotten worse. Sleep aids use to work but now my brain still won't shut up. My brain has been forcing me to face my repressed memories and when that happens I get suicidal. So I stay up half the night trying to negotiate myself out of suicide and trying to power through the images of the rape.

 

[GWhizz]

Welcome @Adorraj and sorry to hear you're going through the same type of things. Have you gone to the introduction section or thought about starting a trauma diary yet? Look forward to getting to know you more :-)

 

[ccks]

ASMR videos have helped sleep better.

 

[hodge]

I sleep better during the day, curled up like a cat on my bed in a patch of sun, than I ever can at night. I feel safer during the day and there's less pressure to fall asleep like a 'normal' person.

Me, too. I really feel safer sleeping during the day. I think one reason is that one of my traumas involved an ex-boyfriend breaking into my bedroom window at night just as I was about to fall asleep. I got up before he got in because I heard noises outside my window and got my mom and brother downstairs and called the police. They got there in time to catch him coming down the stairs with a big knife.

Hello, @Adorraj , I know how you feel. Are you in therapy? If not, I highly recommend you find a good therapist. Feeling suicidal is very dangerous and you can't let that happen to yourself! Okay?? My brain forced me to feel repressed memories, too, and I got into therapy to work them out. It was painful and not fun but it's what we need to do to take care of ourselves, and things will feel more manageable once you get into a good therapeutic relationship.

 

[Adorraj]

I called my therapist and I can't see him until the 26 of next month but I started attending group therapy until then. Thanks for making me feel not alone.
:)

 

[hodge]

Oh, I'm so glad you found a refuge till you can see your therapist, Adorraj. Hang in there. You are not alone. Please feel free to PM me if you want.