If I could stop being hyper-sensitive and go back to total numbness and living outside of my body, that would be really great.
I only added 100-200mg gabapentin to my low dose painkiller. At first I just felt more mellow. But my body freaks out within hours of feeling slowed down...doesn't matter if I'm actually enjoying it. My therapist said we can talk about this next time (how my body responds to feeling relaxed or slowed down). Nasty cold/allergy symptoms so I quit for a couple days, sensing the slow down f*cked up my immune response (I very rarely get sick). Took one again this evening and have more body memories and yucky feelings that I think pain and just using opiates and sedatives masks nicely for me. I mean, I know on some level I am addicted to the pain itself. It's like my shell.
Also arm started itching so I am freaking out that I am breaking out in hives and will be too sedated from my sleeping meds to go get epi shots if needed. This is unlikely but freaking out helps nothing, I know.
All this from a nonsense miniature dose of gabapentin. WTF. I didn't lower the dose on any of my other meds, btw, and they are all safe together, but actually lowering the chronic tension and pain seems to make me feel yucky in my body on a whole new level.
:alien:
There are only two ways I feel "okay" consistently and they are numbed out or exhausted. It's f*cking amazing I'm sober. I WANT to feel okay...I can even enjoy feeling better for a while, but soon enough my body gets pissed off in a whole new way. Somaticize much? :O_o:
Anyone else have big struggles changing or adding meds, even when you suspect they are helpful? Or control issues over body feelings/sensations (like need to feel a certain amount of pain and/or numbness and tolerate little beyond a small range)? I just want to feel like me in my body, but also appropriately numb and just a little bit suffering (seems to regulate something), which seems like a conflict I can't balance anymore.
I only added 100-200mg gabapentin to my low dose painkiller. At first I just felt more mellow. But my body freaks out within hours of feeling slowed down...doesn't matter if I'm actually enjoying it. My therapist said we can talk about this next time (how my body responds to feeling relaxed or slowed down). Nasty cold/allergy symptoms so I quit for a couple days, sensing the slow down f*cked up my immune response (I very rarely get sick). Took one again this evening and have more body memories and yucky feelings that I think pain and just using opiates and sedatives masks nicely for me. I mean, I know on some level I am addicted to the pain itself. It's like my shell.
Also arm started itching so I am freaking out that I am breaking out in hives and will be too sedated from my sleeping meds to go get epi shots if needed. This is unlikely but freaking out helps nothing, I know.
All this from a nonsense miniature dose of gabapentin. WTF. I didn't lower the dose on any of my other meds, btw, and they are all safe together, but actually lowering the chronic tension and pain seems to make me feel yucky in my body on a whole new level.
:alien:
There are only two ways I feel "okay" consistently and they are numbed out or exhausted. It's f*cking amazing I'm sober. I WANT to feel okay...I can even enjoy feeling better for a while, but soon enough my body gets pissed off in a whole new way. Somaticize much? :O_o:
Anyone else have big struggles changing or adding meds, even when you suspect they are helpful? Or control issues over body feelings/sensations (like need to feel a certain amount of pain and/or numbness and tolerate little beyond a small range)? I just want to feel like me in my body, but also appropriately numb and just a little bit suffering (seems to regulate something), which seems like a conflict I can't balance anymore.
