I can totally relate. And I hope what i'm attempting to write that is in my head will translate. I know what makes ME do this, so I'll tell you that, and maybe you can pick and choose with what identifies.
I have complex PTSD from childhood abuse, including mind fu#$'ery (but I think PTSD from an accident, etc, though i have that too from vehicle accident with fatalities, robbed at gunpoint, etc.... just being misunderstood and not validated from others from any kind of PTSD I think might 'breed' these thought processes that you described? maybe? would make sense to me/kind of get that vibe).
I have a super big issue with TRUTH. None of this, 'well, imo/"my reality" is X,Y,Z." I don't trust my own thoughts, or others', unless it is based in an actual cause and effect and real moral sense of what is right and wrong (I don't think morality is as flexible as a lot of snakes in the grass make it out to be - are you, or are you not, hurting someone else and being fair?). My mom, and others i've attracted since childhood, bent that concept a lot. So it's important to me on that front.
ALSO, in me trying to get better and recover/adapt healthily to PTSD, by looking at the facts of a situation when I'm 'spinning out." It doesn't matter how much is flying around in my head, I try and calm myself down with a very "just the facts, mam" outlook. It's helped me to see behind the mask of a lot of bull crap that others' pull, and for some reason other people don't see.
It's so painful, from childhood or other traumatic events, to be misunderstood and looked at 'badly.' Gutting! So even though you found support from the people in the group, maybe the perceived risk of them not really seeing the truth of what happened to you is too much so you kind of want to preemptively defensibly want to ditch them too (even tho they are assuring you they did...my PTSD mind: "what if they dig deeper then change their minds and go against me?" "what if they're wrong and they just re-inforce the non truth that's being perpetuated in my head because I WANT to believe I was in the right/it was OK when really it wasn't?", etc, pick your self loathing paranoid favorite).
The instigator/people who ganged up on you painted you as ugly, so by that equation, only they can free you from that ugliness through forgiveness/taking back what they said.
But here's my advice that you should pick and choose from (I'm trying to keep this under ten thousand pages, over explain'y girl, so i'll just to my opinion which you are free to dump/recognize it doesn't apply):
As I get better, my bull#$ meter is becoming more fine tuned, to the point a group can be telling me 'white' when I KNOW it's 'black' (like when i see someone wrongfully getting hurt). Try and keep that in mind, that it takes bravery and insight to stand up to a group that is wrong, so the people that defended you didn't do it lightly. And, vegas odds, have a very good bull@#% meter. Don't rule that out and automatically paint there insight as silly (not that you do outright, just when you're in self loathing mode, or the world doesn't understand me mode, and doubting them).
"Just stick with the facts, mam." ie: "So and so is a jack ass, and so and so recognized that." Then let your insecurities fly their freak flag in your mind, it's OK, but just keep returning to "the facts." It'll make it easier on you, as well as the people around you. It's SUPER hard to do, but I think it's the only way we'll 'make it out.' And it's a muscle.
The more we practice it, the easier and more automatic it will become. I don't mean to sound flippant about "just stick to the facts," as it's such a simple concept but when you've grown up with a parent who's jacked with your head throughout a couple of decades of formative years, or have been misunderstood and painted as ugly, damaged, head job or frickin' whatever by people who haven't been through a traumatic event (bless their ignorant butts), it's much more easy said than done. Just cling to the facts. Because at the end of the day, you may have a group another time yelling at you, with NO ONE to stick up for you, and we need to be strong enough to bear that for ourselves, or in defense of someone else wrongfully getting nailed by a group (that helps me too, it's easier to be motivated to help others than ourselves sometimes, do it for the defenseless, etc).
Maybe just view this as an exercise to sharpen your 'bull#%' meter. And to recognize, and give credit to, the people who have a good meter and came to your defense - because they're out there, again, it only takes a moment for someone's mask to fall, and maybe they were clever enough to see it, and 'honor' them by not asking for further reassurance (because CLEARLY you're worth it (not to sound all cliche cheesy, but FFS, you are!).
Don't be embarrassed/panicky/etc and in the noise ditch the good people. It's an exercise to recognize the truth and stand by it, and to attract GOOD people into our lives. It looks like you had a slam dunk. Stand up for yourself and see the 'truth', even against your own self critic's incessant nasty pie hole that's telling you otherwise.
Everything you said sounds totally freaking normal, your reactions, everything!!! Just another day, and another gym work out, we didn't ask for (but good job, you recognized all the critical elements of the situation, your own head and others', so I'd say you're looking pretty beach ready for the summer... just keep 'working out' and sticking to the facts that seem on par to me (and that's without knowing the details, you can just 'smell' it, ha... because even if you were wrong, I'm SURE you wouldn't let yourself get away with that either).
