I Check Out Healthy; Why Do I Feel So Awful?

[PTSDbegone]

I think I feel this way. I'm devastated that I have to deal with this now, potentially for...

@theshadowoftheliving Wow I can totally relate every word you just said.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I do know about panic symptoms. I've spent years trying to convince myself that is all that is happening with me. But thisbfeels different. It's hard to quantify, but this difference feels neurological, not psychological.

Remind yourself that the doctors know what they are looking for, they have checked you over and have found nothing biologically, physiologically wrong with you, they have stated to you it's a mental issue and of course that needs to be seen to for your own sanity as these symptoms will only continue to get worse the more you become scared and terrified of each and every symptom.

The problem is I'm not convinced I can trust these doctors. My health insurance limits who I see to overwhelmed clinics that act as triage units. My appointments are maybe ten minutes long.

Plus, a doctor that I saw in June thinks that I'm not making this up, as evidenced through brain changes on an MRI scan. But he can't be my doctor now, due to reasons I can't even get into. So I'm back to trying to convince other people to look long enough to see, and I'm overwhelmed and frustrated that once I say the magic words (depression and PTSD) doctors just stop listening, as if on cue.

 

[Saint Nik]

but this difference feels neurological, not psychological.

Is there any way you can push for another opinion concerning this?

 

[Saint Nik]

Hi @theshadowoftheliving How have you been? Have you got anywhere with finding out more about your symptoms? Hope you are okay! :hug:

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

@Saint Nik thanks for checking in. Unfortunately, I'm in the same place. Stuck because of finances and questioning myself and my sanity, all while trying to not lose it generally.

I fell off the wagon taking care of myself the last few days in a kind of desperate f--- you to the doctors; trying to crawl back on the wagon of self-care today. I know that no one will care besides me if I'm taking care of myself. And I know I deserve care regardless of my diagnosis. But it's hard because I'm angry - at doctors and insurance and the difficulty of being poor in a country that touts itself as a land of opportunity.

I still am fighting the urge to cut or drink myself into an oblivious and numb state ....

 

[joeylittle]

Plus, a doctor that I saw in June thinks that I'm not making this up, as evidenced through brain changes on an MRI scan. But he can't be my doctor now, due to reasons I can't even get into.

I know you said you can't get into them, but can you contact him and ask him for a referral to a colleague?
Or, scrape it all together and ask everyone you know for who they love, and then go and do the cost of a full physical with a different general practitioner. Once they order labs, I think there will very likely be a loophole that kicks in with your insurance. You might also want to find out if you've got any subsidized insurance counseling service available - not as in therapy, as in they tell you how to get the most out of your insurance, including how to get specialty services.

I'm sorry this stuff is so tough. But it's definitely getting a real solid look at the physical side of it. And it sounds like the doc you saw in June has preliminary info that should be followed up on....

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I know you said you can't get into them, but can you contact him and ask him for a referral to a coll...

The doctor's advice (the one that believes me) was to switch insurance carriers. I'm working on making more money to make that happen (had a job Interview yesterday). But it's slow. And my bank account is at zero now, so paying for things out of pocket is t going to happen soon. And I'm on subsidized insurance, so switching plans can't happen until November.

I feel so stuck. I'll check on Monday about the insurance counseling option, maybe. It might be the best bet.

Until then, trying to breathe. I'm drinking wine which I feel kinda shitty about but it's keeping me calm. Trying to take care of myself as I can. This is just so hard.