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Trust Issues
- Post starter PureDogs
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D
Deleted member 24866
This is so huge. My therapist always tells me I need to socialize more. Yet frequently I choose wrong people who will abandon, abuse, and trigger me. WTH Why ?
Happened twice in the last two weeks (a trusted friend fled because he can't watch my life, and a guy was trying to "recruit" me into prostitution.. again WTH! (I told this man I was unwell mentally borderline hospitalization material 4 times prior to his question, he knows I hurt my wrist so I can't do my job forever- prior to his questioning) (I reported the guy to the Department of homeland security Blue campaign against human trafficking) I was trafficked as a child/runaway. (thankfully only 3 days before I escaped) I clearly said no, and I told him why that I was exploited as a child and it was actually the cause or at least a part of my mental condition at the time... how does this happen? (hence my avatar..swimming with predators) I am currently in school for private investigations hoping to integrate that aspect of my life.. to assist children who are exploited. I will work for free if I must.
I feel like I recreate traumatic events in my life, or are broken people the only ones willing to accept my reality ? Or is it my subconscious trying to "return to the scene of the crime" - ?? Or are people crap ? This sight rocks, feeling of total safety. Hoping to maybe start a PTSD support group, for some reason there are none I can find in my area. Perhaps in the future..
I get agitated and paranoid in crowds. I walk into a room of laughter and feel I must have done something or its about me. So lately I avoid till I have better strategies. I do try to take baby steps.. Great topic, excited to see what people have to say.
Happened twice in the last two weeks (a trusted friend fled because he can't watch my life, and a guy was trying to "recruit" me into prostitution.. again WTH! (I told this man I was unwell mentally borderline hospitalization material 4 times prior to his question, he knows I hurt my wrist so I can't do my job forever- prior to his questioning) (I reported the guy to the Department of homeland security Blue campaign against human trafficking) I was trafficked as a child/runaway. (thankfully only 3 days before I escaped) I clearly said no, and I told him why that I was exploited as a child and it was actually the cause or at least a part of my mental condition at the time... how does this happen? (hence my avatar..swimming with predators) I am currently in school for private investigations hoping to integrate that aspect of my life.. to assist children who are exploited. I will work for free if I must.
I feel like I recreate traumatic events in my life, or are broken people the only ones willing to accept my reality ? Or is it my subconscious trying to "return to the scene of the crime" - ?? Or are people crap ? This sight rocks, feeling of total safety. Hoping to maybe start a PTSD support group, for some reason there are none I can find in my area. Perhaps in the future..
I get agitated and paranoid in crowds. I walk into a room of laughter and feel I must have done something or its about me. So lately I avoid till I have better strategies. I do try to take baby steps.. Great topic, excited to see what people have to say.
- Post starter
- #3
@NLotfalla
I can relate to that because I have been fell in same cycle of betrayals, abuses, and bullies.
I have issues with trust with people in general because of cycles I have fell into and get hurt at the end. I get agitated about discover to be one who end up get hurt again and again. Why does that have to happen to me? My friend reminds me "It is not about you but it is about the person".
As I stated on other thread that I noticed myself responsive better with people who is friendlier, nice, fun to be around, and non-judgmental. I don't response well with those who is "mean looking", not friendly, narcissistic, those who like to push down, and few to list.
I even have issues with anger, fear, and don't trust how responsive would be when I stand up for myself. For example, When I stand up what I believe or saying something, I end up get hurt, bullied, or get push down. I got that often and I hate that.
I do have desire to find someone who really understands me and able to have a conversation when I express something out of my chest without being judgmental or say infamous terms such as "Oh, quit dwelling, it's in the past, move on" statements. It is very difficult to find one and I can see that not many does understands.
Like someone said on other thread - PTSD sucks and it took courage to be in battle with it.
I can relate to that because I have been fell in same cycle of betrayals, abuses, and bullies.
I have issues with trust with people in general because of cycles I have fell into and get hurt at the end. I get agitated about discover to be one who end up get hurt again and again. Why does that have to happen to me? My friend reminds me "It is not about you but it is about the person".
As I stated on other thread that I noticed myself responsive better with people who is friendlier, nice, fun to be around, and non-judgmental. I don't response well with those who is "mean looking", not friendly, narcissistic, those who like to push down, and few to list.
I even have issues with anger, fear, and don't trust how responsive would be when I stand up for myself. For example, When I stand up what I believe or saying something, I end up get hurt, bullied, or get push down. I got that often and I hate that.
I do have desire to find someone who really understands me and able to have a conversation when I express something out of my chest without being judgmental or say infamous terms such as "Oh, quit dwelling, it's in the past, move on" statements. It is very difficult to find one and I can see that not many does understands.
Like someone said on other thread - PTSD sucks and it took courage to be in battle with it.
I have major trust issues.
Most of the time, the cognitive part of me is aware of the fact that most people fall in a reasonable range on the trustworthy scale, and that I should not feel so frightened.
The reality is that I tend only to engage with people on either a surface level (acquaintances), and a cognitive/analytical level (people I know better).
In my life I have only let a couple of people "in" in terms of other aspects (emotional and spiritual) of the real me. My best friend from high school was one, but she's not been in my life for many years. My wonderful husband of 20 years who is always wanting to connect on that level...I am just taking baby steps to open up to him. And, a newish friend with whom I've established a pretty close relationship fairly quickly...not sure why...still very cautious...but I am talking to him about my ptsd a little and he is very supportive. I'm also starting to trust my therapist, incrementally, after 4.5 months.
I don't much isolate myself physically in the world--I work, have a very active social and community life (too active). But I isolate myself emotionally. It is very lonely.
Most of the time, the cognitive part of me is aware of the fact that most people fall in a reasonable range on the trustworthy scale, and that I should not feel so frightened.
The reality is that I tend only to engage with people on either a surface level (acquaintances), and a cognitive/analytical level (people I know better).
In my life I have only let a couple of people "in" in terms of other aspects (emotional and spiritual) of the real me. My best friend from high school was one, but she's not been in my life for many years. My wonderful husband of 20 years who is always wanting to connect on that level...I am just taking baby steps to open up to him. And, a newish friend with whom I've established a pretty close relationship fairly quickly...not sure why...still very cautious...but I am talking to him about my ptsd a little and he is very supportive. I'm also starting to trust my therapist, incrementally, after 4.5 months.
I don't much isolate myself physically in the world--I work, have a very active social and community life (too active). But I isolate myself emotionally. It is very lonely.
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- Post starter
- #5
@Hope4Now
I can relate with you on being very cautious. I used to be native and now I'm being so cautious because of how I got hurt. Too many memories that trigger/flashbacks does effect me being trusting others - I do notice that people who would like my trust is difficult to earn.
Do I social? Sometimes when I feel like to and sometimes I like to be away from people so I can be alone and quiet. I know it is not good thing to do - I have been encouraged to get out and social. It is hard for me as well, I told them who encouraged me to give me some time.
I would go out when I feel like to.
I can relate with you on being very cautious. I used to be native and now I'm being so cautious because of how I got hurt. Too many memories that trigger/flashbacks does effect me being trusting others - I do notice that people who would like my trust is difficult to earn.
Do I social? Sometimes when I feel like to and sometimes I like to be away from people so I can be alone and quiet. I know it is not good thing to do - I have been encouraged to get out and social. It is hard for me as well, I told them who encouraged me to give me some time.
I would go out when I feel like to.
I think most of us feel this way? So often we seek out people who just re-enact the way we have been treated badly in the past--as if some part of us feels that is what we deserve. I am always on the search for potential friends who will be open to understanding me, and will open themselves to me in return. People willing to engage in a friendly, non-judegmental way, people who share my life values. They are very hard to find, and I have to move very slowly with them.
- Post starter
- #7
@Hope4Now
I don't know if most of people here would have similar feelings but let's see what others might has something to say. I am hoping I'm not only one who has this feelings.
A friend gave me a tip on how tell if the person will turn their back on you is based on how the person behaves toward to you. For example: If you see a person says bad things about self or other people (Can be general in negativity) then you would be likely to be next.
If I'm not clear on this part, let me know.
I don't know if most of people here would have similar feelings but let's see what others might has something to say. I am hoping I'm not only one who has this feelings.
A friend gave me a tip on how tell if the person will turn their back on you is based on how the person behaves toward to you. For example: If you see a person says bad things about self or other people (Can be general in negativity) then you would be likely to be next.
If I'm not clear on this part, let me know.
NLotfalla-I wonder if you are very open with people too early in your relationships with them? I might be jumping to conclusions here, but my guess is that you met this person and right away confided in them about your challenges, and they saw the opportunity to take advantage of you. Maybe before disclosing very much personal information, you should get to know someone and determine if they are the kind of person who will hurt you if they knew how vulnerable you are/were. That is just a big guess on my part as to how your situation unfolded, but it seems like the person knew about your vulnerability and jumped on it before you knew if they were a bad person or not. My heart goes out to you, I hope you can find a way to make trustworthy relationships, and share that knowledge with the children you will be working with in the future.
D
Deleted member 24866
@katiekat
Good point, I try to be careful I have known him for about 7 years.
He is a "fashion designer" he does do some pretty sleezy crap designs, but he is talented and and artist..surrounded by pretty gals. However, seems his new business is making a brothel out of his house named "the manor" He rents out the upstairs. Never told him about my past. We had dated about 5 years ago briefly and he has a down to earth side. I thought perhaps he was settling a bit. Guess not.. hadn't spoke to much to him, but recently he was reaching out to support my effort to "quit smoking"- everyone else would rather I stuff the anger associated with the smokes.
Thank you for your reply and opportunity for clarification! I am completely open here due to the being pretty anonymous..
Good point, I try to be careful I have known him for about 7 years.
He is a "fashion designer" he does do some pretty sleezy crap designs, but he is talented and and artist..surrounded by pretty gals. However, seems his new business is making a brothel out of his house named "the manor" He rents out the upstairs. Never told him about my past. We had dated about 5 years ago briefly and he has a down to earth side. I thought perhaps he was settling a bit. Guess not.. hadn't spoke to much to him, but recently he was reaching out to support my effort to "quit smoking"- everyone else would rather I stuff the anger associated with the smokes.
Thank you for your reply and opportunity for clarification! I am completely open here due to the being pretty anonymous..
Truthful_Whispers
Not Active
I have severe trust and abandonment issues. My personal solution is to isolate. Better the ache of loneliness, than the sting of betrayal.
I can relate and with a current diagnosis of Complex PTSD, I want to reach out but my thoughts tell me to stay home and isolate even though I could start living a healthy lifestyle again and get some exercise walking. I haven't been able to do this that much since 2007 and a injury that caused a disease called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome and spending most of my life until Nov. 2013 in bed in severe pain from this incurable disease that according to medical experts and patients that suffer is the most painful condition rated a solid 42 based on a 50 pt. scale. Unless a cure is discovered in the future, I will once again experience long periods again in bed fighting for my life. I've been having a extremely difficult time adjusting to actually helping myself instead of heading down a self destructive path because in my mind I don't think I ever deserve to be happy again. Sorry for going off topic!
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