General Things To Know When Dealing With PTSD (As a Carer)

[cyanide]

Wow, Liz, that was an excellent post. It really helps me, thank you.

 

[Nicolette]

10. If the trauma happened during childhood, you may not always be dealing with a grown up. We may have adult bodies, but our minds and emotions may be that of a small child. Please understand that when that is the case, some adult activities and responsibilities are not appropriate for us until we get back to our adult selves.

This I totally relate to as I have heard therapists say that someone re-experiencing a situation which relates to childhood trauma will revert to the inner child as their voice is very powerful. The inner child will tell the person to do what it believes and knows from experience to be the best reaction which is usually either protection or avoidance.

One of the keys to healing is to be able to process a "similar situation" with an adult mind instead of letting the child take over. That is the only way you can re-train the child that it is now ok.

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Nicolette,
9. It may seem to you that we are making a mountain out of a mole hill. Please remember that perspective is everything. A mole hill is a mountain if you are an ant.

Thank you for your entire list - but this one stood out for me specifically. My husband always says I'm making a mountain our of a mole hill or that I'm trying to turn nothing into something. Thank you for validating and reminding me that it is perspective.

 

[LoveWins]

Liz that list was awesome, I relate to all the points, especially about not always dealing with an adult. I revert to a childlike state (about age 5 at best) nearly every time I'm triggered and it must be confusing to deal with as it is to experience it

Also loved number 9:thumbs-up

 

[Pam]

Here are some of the things C has told me or that I have observed:

"Kissing is too close to what hurts."

His head always hurts so touching it can be a no no.

Telling him I love him reminds him of his cold heart problem.

"Showing tender emotions in public is a no no."

"Tolerance for pain is VERY high but tolerance of light touch is VERY low."

"Personal space, personal space, personal space" (there have been times when my C has actually gotten up from his chair, lifted mine with me in it, and gently removed it from his personal space).

"The TV is on all the time for a reason. Do NOT touch the remote!"

A messy personal space must stay that way. "Don't clean up my space."

Repeating the same joke or story over and over is an anchor. "Don't tell me that you've heard it. Just enjoy getting seconds and thirds."

"When you're invited in, don't gorge yourself. There will never be a time that I am completely at ease."

When I tell him I love him, he always says, "You'll be sorry." So I really get that saying those things just doesn't work for either one of us.

"I have a death wish."

"Everyone I have ever known dies." It doesn't matter whether or not that is true. It is a feeling that C cannot shake.

 

[ISupportHer]

From Pam's post: "When you're invited in, don't gorge yourself. There will never be a time that I am completely at ease."

This is a hard one for me. When this happens, I just want to grab on and hold on for dear life. I know better now and don't go over board but I still catch myself hoping that, just for an instant, that things have changed. Then, of course, back to reality!

Know I'm not alone on this one, LOL

Great content on this thread!

 

[Tinyflame]

I know there was a time when I could respond full and openly.
I know from this it's possible.

Unpredictable, insanely difficult at times, but there can be a real true light, at the end of the tunnel, even without a 'cure'.
-And we never know the future may hold.

 

[godhelpusoneandall]

Nicolette, thank you so much for that list of things we should know. When my significant other was first diagnosed with PTSD after the Twin Towers went down, there just wasn't much information. I didn't know what to do, or how to handle it. It has been a very, very long road, but we are on it. Your words will help others like myself more than you know.

I tried to log into chat, but I couldn't. Any suggestions, anyone?

Godhelpusoneandall

 

[Nicolette]

I tried to log into chat, but I couldn't. Any suggestions, anyone?

Access to chat becomes effective after you have passed the moderation stage.

 

[tgrl]

• You must set and maintain boundaries with a sufferer.... PTSD is not an excuse to be abusive.

Nicolette,

I just wanted to ask you, is this also true if they have multiple personalities, like with dissociation or extreme flashbacks?

 

[Cate]

I didn't read the entire thread but I think I have the grasp of it.

I have PTSD and here's what I know about me:

HATE having my head touched...hate it, hate it.
HATE still stuggling with the visuals that set me off...can't name them all but still trying to talk about it.
ANGRY people in my face. ANGRY people make me so mad!

It must be hard to be a Carer because I know we're so difficult (I mean people like me who have PTSD) but, having said that, we CARE so deeply...that's all. We just care so much. Oh well, we can't fix the world but we're really likeable people once you get to know us.

Cate :occasion:

 

[pegasus]

Cate my sufferer has a response with her head to. I tapped the top of her head one day and she turned around and nailed me. After she relaxed a few minutes later she apologized and said she didn't know why she reacts that way but she always does. I never did it again, it was over a year ago, but once all this other crap happened and she had completely withdrawn and I was thinking about her childhood and the trauma, then I thought about that response, and it was my lightbulb to look at the PTSD criteria which she seemed to fit.