General Things To Know When Dealing With PTSD (As a Carer)

[Artista]

Excellent points above. Especially the bold faced one! So true!! Feels this way quite a lot!!! Thanks for sharing that!

 

[Iam]

Wow..Excellent insight. Thank YOU!

 

[AdamAnt]

My PTSDer tends to want to run when she feels stressed, as in put on a jogging suit and go for it. Says she doesn't know if she's running away from something or too something, but she really feels better afterward.

She has insomnia alot, not wanting to sleep because she's afraid of the nightmares.

I gotta ask her if she likes the little messages i send, she doesn't always respond, but then neither do I, sometimes I just grin and know she loves me and knows I'll be tickled.

 

[Jestadud]

I'd never seen this as I don't come to the carers section very often as it feels like an intrusion into someone else's space.

It's a strange feeling to see all these things written down when I didn't even know or couldn't have described them myself. I'm in floods of tears I probably would have struggled to come up with three things on my own. To be able to print the list off would be a real help.

I'm sorry, what can I say.

 

[AdamAnt]

Don't be sorry Justadud..just do the best you can to get better and be as good to your carer as you're able! That's all any carer can ask isn't it?

 

[Nicolette]

I'm sorry, what can I say.

You were honest and also open to what we had to say.......all I can say is well done!

 

[memyboatandi]

thank you, I have fumbled my way through wondering what to do and not do, seems like I am on the right track, nice to have it confirmed

 

[Unhinged]

Great thread. I too feel a little odd being in the "Carer's" section, it is truely eye-opening to see all you put up with from us. Thank you.

I enjoy getting little notes or txt messages from my fiance, it makes me feel, not forgotten I guess.

Here is a list-type thing from a sufferer: (I hope it makes sence and follows the thread idea correctly)

1. After waking up in the middle of the night from a nightmare, or if I'm having an episode, I really want to tell my carer what is going on, I just physically can't. I can't find the words, and it just upsets me more, frustrates me. So I guess to the Carer, sometimes a hug is best. We can talk another time.
2. I often say things that upset my Carer. I have a hard time expressing my thoughts or forming my sentences well and it hurts him. I would ask for patience, try to understand I'm not wanting to hurt you, it just may take me a little while to explain what i mean.
3. Sometimes I would rather write to you then talk so I have a lesser chance of scewing things up.
4. I have no idea what you all mean by "Good Stress"
5. I get real scared if you're not talking to me/mad at me.
6. Do you know that feeling you get when you are startled? Its like a nervous bolt of adrenaline that shoots thru you? That is how my body feels all of the time and I am very tired.
7. If I work really hard on the house, or a painting for you, please don't blow it off. I know I'm not an expert artist but it is like my way of trying to give you something, make you something special. I can't afford presents, I can't go into a store, so I look in my heart and I draw you a picture. (I don't know how many sufferers are artistic, maybe i'm the only one that feels this way)
8. If something bad happens to you, or someone close to you, I may not be very good at expressing any feelings but I do feel them. Please accept my hug in place of the words you may need. (my carerer just lost a close friend this weekend, and I screwed up)

Sorry if this is a mess of a post and doesn't fit the thread. Its just a few thoughts I think might fit in here.

Thank you again, Carers
~Unhinged

 

[atl22]

• It is normal for a sufferer to socially withdraw
• Eliminating stress often greatly assists a sufferer
• Crowds, shopping centres and social events can be too much for a sufferer to deal with, especially when untreated
• From what I have seen the more a sufferer invests in healing themselves the greater chance they have of having a reasonably normal life
• Video games and tv are a common way of escaping from reality
  [*]Someone whose trauma came from violence like war may actually find comfort in watching war movies or playing war games...weird I know
• Some sufferers cannot work as their PTSD affects their ability to interact with other people
• Having an interest, as with anyone, seems to assist a sufferer more so rather than them getting bored and possibly further depressed by having no purpose

Thank you for this thread. I am going to send it to my fiancee. The three items I put in bold really affected me.

Malls overwhelm me and I shut down. I lie to her and tell her that I don't like shopping but the truth is that I get overwhelmed by all the people that I must scan and analyze. I must look into their eyes to see if they are on drugs or if they have the eyes of a killer. I look to see if they could be hiding a gun, to see if they are weighted down. I have to see if they are wearing any gang colors or signs or if they have tattoos. My solution is to not go shopping or to make it as quick as possible. I tend to buy things online now. For my fiancee, shopping can be relaxing and fun, but for me it is terrifying and exhausting. Yeah, exhausting is the best word.

I also have the TV on most of the time. It's because in my old neighborhood, there are always people with you. Always. We never went anywhere alone because people will shoot you. I leave the TV on so I don't feel alone. Sometimes all night with the light on. I come from the City so I am used to hearing gunshots, sirens, people screaming, and fights. Silence freaks me out because it makes me feel like someone is sneaking around, hunting me. Silence makes me feel like people are being dishonest. At least in the City, you can see and hear what people are doing.

The third one that I put in bold is so true. I play "Grand Theft Auto" sometimes. I turn the settings to invincible and I just drive around and shoot gangsters. I know, it's terrible. I'm dedicated to non-violence now but it makes me feel better. Many of my friends do the same thing. I think it's because the thirst for revenge is so strong but there is nothing that I can do.

I also read some of the comments about sending texts like "I love you" or "I'm thinking of you" and I have to say that I have mixed feelings about it. Sometimes, these texts make me feel incredibly guilty. I have extreme survivor's guilt and do not feel worthy of living. I also feel that I should have died and the only thing that separates me from the grave was my ability to bend my body that extra half-inch for the bullet to whiz by. I worry that I am wasting her time. I start thinking "What's so good about me? Nothing nothing nothing."



Anyway, thanks for starting this thread. I am going to read everything.

 

[brokenchild]

1. After waking up in the middle of the night from a nightmare, or if I'm having an episode, I really want to tell my carer what is going on, I just physically can't. I can't find the words, and it just upsets me more, frustrates me. So I guess to the Carer, sometimes a hug is best. We can talk another time.
2. I often say things that upset my Carer. I have a hard time expressing my thoughts or forming my sentences well and it hurts him. I would ask for patience, try to understand I'm not wanting to hurt you, it just may take me a little while to explain what i mean.
3. Sometimes I would rather write to you then talk so I have a lesser chance of scewing things up.
4. I have no idea what you all mean by "Good Stress"
5. I get real scared if you're not talking to me/mad at me.
6. Do you know that feeling you get when you are startled? Its like a nervous bolt of adrenaline that shoots thru you? That is how my body feels all of the time and I am very tired.
7. If I work really hard on the house, or a painting for you, please don't blow it off. I know I'm not an expert artist but it is like my way of trying to give you something, make you something special. I can't afford presents, I can't go into a store, so I look in my heart and I draw you a picture. (I don't know how many sufferers are artistic, maybe i'm the only one that feels this way)
8. If something bad happens to you, or someone close to you, I may not be very good at expressing any feelings but I do feel them. Please accept my hug in place of the words you may need.

I agree with all these, ESPECIALLY #5.

To add to the list:

1) Sometimes, when you want to be intimate and close, I just can't. It's not because I don't love you, but because mentally I just can't go there right now. Please do not take it personally or get angry with me. It makes it difficult for me to realize that I am allowed to say "no" and that my body is truly mine.
2) When I ask you to stop using a tone of voice, please don't argue with me about what tone you are or are not using. I am asking you to stop because it is triggering me.
3) Some times, a simple "I love you' can mean a lot.

I'm sure there are a lot more.

 

[Tinyflame]

I feel kind of 'silly' to say it but would add (by my experience)
4) (Like #8) I may have it mastered to look like nothing bothers me or I don't care but I'm not trying to 'look' any particular way and I'm probably a ball of emotions.

I'm sure someone has a better way of describing that!

5) Often I cannot find the 'words' (obviously), or have the courage or right to talk about how things 'feel'

 

[forgotten]

Here are some of the things C has told me or that I have observed:

"Kissing is too close to what hurts."

His head always hurts so touching it can be a no no.

Telling him I love him reminds him of his cold heart problem.

"Showing tender emotions in public is a no no."

"Tolerance for pain is VERY high but tolerance of light touch is VERY low."

"Personal space, personal space, personal space" (there have been times when my C has actually gotten up from his chair, lifted mine with me in it, and gently removed it from his personal space).

"The TV is on all the time for a reason. Do NOT touch the remote!"

A messy personal space must stay that way. "Don't clean up my space."

Repeating the same joke or story over and over is an anchor. "Don't tell me that you've heard it. Just enjoy getting seconds and thirds."

"When you're invited in, don't gorge yourself. There will never be a time that I am completely at ease."

When I tell him I love him, he always says, "You'll be sorry." So I really get that saying those things just doesn't work for either one of us.

"I have a death wish."

"Everyone I have ever known dies." It doesn't matter whether or not that is true. It is a feeling that C cannot shake.

I am not sure if I responded right by writing here, sorry if this is no right. I am new here and learning things about my self that I never really new accounted for half my insanitites, this post was excellent for me and has made me realize that I am not alone or crazy.
"Tolerance for pain is VERY high but tolerance of light touch is VERY low."

I can stand alot of pain and sometimes do not feel it at all, it registers very low and is almost seems like my body expects it and so it is part of me or I recognize it from a different view or perseptive as if I am elsewhere or watching it happen to somebody else, before I realize it's me and even then I am still detached . Not that I would rather feel pain than a light touch, I do not like it, I don't know how to respond to it and it makes me extremley uncomfortable, uncomfortable emotionally. I cannot explain it but do understand it, pain over a gentle touch, and it makes me feel sad, but I can handle it and most of the time as it never registers as deep as the emotional pain I feel 24hrs a day, and maybe for a minute I focus on the physical pain and my addled amnesiac brain gets to focus only on one thing for a moment and forget everything else, even if it's a split second or a whole minute. But thank you for posting this, it is much appreciated, to everybody out there sharing and giving, there is hope.