I'm new here but obviously not to PTSD. Mostly it's ptsd of abandonment, though there were a lot of other traumatic experiences during my childhood that probably contributed.
My story ...
I was taken away from my bio parents when I was a year and a half - they were in a cult that did not believe in material possessions and were by choice homeless. Authorities also suspected preverbal sexual abuse but I can't get those records to see any further information about that.
Adopted at 3 and a half I was emotionally neglected and experienced "mild" physical abuse by my adoptive parents.
At 12 I was taken away from them for the abuse and they decided they didn't want me back and tried to dissolve the adoption. The courts wouldn't let them. After 4 years in multiple foster homes, group homes, mental health institutions and juvenile hall (for running away constantly), the courts gave me back to my adoptive parents because no place wanted to risk having me due of my tendency to run.
I was 16 when the courts gave me back to them but they never took me home, they left me that night on the streets. I had no one to turn to and no support.
I was homeless until I was 18 and in that time was threatened with rape (some would call it attempted rape) multiple times, abused by my "fiance", had knives held to my throat and stared down the barrel of a gun on several occasions. I kind of think I'm lucky to be alive.
Now...
I've been in therapy for most of my adult life and function pretty well. I'm married and have 2 kids. Last May our house's basement wall collapsed and it was condemned (insurance doesn't cover that type of loss). So, I WAS a home owner. :) I run a "micro" business online.
I can't/ don't want to make friends because I'm afraid of loosing them. I have nightmares. Sometimes I cry as if it was all happening now and other times I numb out and dissociate. Some day are good, some bad, I'm exhausted... sometimes I lose hope and I don't know if the pain will ever go away.
I'm seeing a new therapist.
And now I'm here.
Hello.
My story ...
I was taken away from my bio parents when I was a year and a half - they were in a cult that did not believe in material possessions and were by choice homeless. Authorities also suspected preverbal sexual abuse but I can't get those records to see any further information about that.
Adopted at 3 and a half I was emotionally neglected and experienced "mild" physical abuse by my adoptive parents.
At 12 I was taken away from them for the abuse and they decided they didn't want me back and tried to dissolve the adoption. The courts wouldn't let them. After 4 years in multiple foster homes, group homes, mental health institutions and juvenile hall (for running away constantly), the courts gave me back to my adoptive parents because no place wanted to risk having me due of my tendency to run.
I was 16 when the courts gave me back to them but they never took me home, they left me that night on the streets. I had no one to turn to and no support.
I was homeless until I was 18 and in that time was threatened with rape (some would call it attempted rape) multiple times, abused by my "fiance", had knives held to my throat and stared down the barrel of a gun on several occasions. I kind of think I'm lucky to be alive.
Now...
I've been in therapy for most of my adult life and function pretty well. I'm married and have 2 kids. Last May our house's basement wall collapsed and it was condemned (insurance doesn't cover that type of loss). So, I WAS a home owner. :) I run a "micro" business online.
I can't/ don't want to make friends because I'm afraid of loosing them. I have nightmares. Sometimes I cry as if it was all happening now and other times I numb out and dissociate. Some day are good, some bad, I'm exhausted... sometimes I lose hope and I don't know if the pain will ever go away.
I'm seeing a new therapist.
And now I'm here.
Hello.
