Anger In Disassociation

[lone sum]

Certains things trigger me into a kind of dissociative rage. Its the worst. I think when that happens, I'm experiencing flashbacks and I go into fight mode of fight/flight. I can never remember these episodes, afterwards... And that then makes me feel awful and depressed and ashamed for being so messed up now. I was never like this before... My PTSD makes me feel like a stranger, to myself.

Anyone else ever feel like this?

 

[BlueOrange]

Certains things trigger me into a kind of dissociative rage.

Anyone else ever feel like this?

Yeah, I've had that. Recovery was a long hard road. I had to listen to really painful stories about things I couldn't remember doing, I had to work out how to remain 'conscious' (as it were) while it was happening, and eventually I started to get a measure of control over myself and my behaviour. I found it helpful to try and think of something sad when I could feel the rages coming on - sadness slowed me down a little, gave me an opportunity to get my conscious mind to 'take the wheel' as it were.

 

[Knak]

So.

When I disassociate I almost always become uncontrollably angry shortly after I start initially disass...

I was in a situation being pressed to do something I could not emotionally do and the person didn't hear my objection. I was first angry which did nothing so shut down completely to where I would not respond. I thought this is how a person becomes catatonic.

I'm guessing I thought my life was in danger so the fight or flight reaction happened. Then I slept for two days.

 

[Sideways]

@Knak
Totally hear you. But I believe it's called the "fight, flight or floozy" response, because when I feel threatened by a male for any reason, I dissociate to a part that believes making yourself sexually available is the safest response.

So when @BlueOrange mentions doing things in that state that you seriously regret afterwards - man have I got some doozies!

 

[crazyhorse69]

So it seems you recognize your reactive behavior or your at least aware of it now, has that changed how your react to situations? Or your still defaulting to old behaviors?

 

[Sideways]

@crazyhorse69 - ee-gad, I hope that question wasn't directed at me because I'm looking at a D- for sure!

I've withdrawn completely. I'm not confident I can control it yet, and it can land me in some really dangerous situations (& I don't always come out unharmed), so for now, I simply don't allow myself male company. It's a work in progress, but at least it keeps me safe - I don't need any more beef in the I Hate Me burger right now:bag:

 

[crazyhorse69]

Yeah I think we all deal with self loathing, self hatred, fear of the unknown, we get paralyzed in fear one way or the other, our minds clamp shut, and life goes on. I hate change myself, I hate when relationships change, and I want them to be the way they use to be, but the way they use to be seems to fade away with time, happiness and enjoyment are replaced with unhappiness bitterness, guilt and shame and most of all misery.

 

[Chimera]

@crazyhorse69
This resonates with me, thanks.

 

[anonymous0806]

So.

When I disassociate I almost always become uncontrollably angry shortly after I start initially disass...

When I dissociate I become enraged. I'm not myself at all. You're not alone. For me, (during the abuse especially) I was taught that anger equaled control. I view my anger as a way of trying to take control of the situation....

 

[anonymous0806]

I have this thing that when triggered in a potentially harmful event, sometimes it happens an alter or s...

Yes. To all of this. ...I thought I was the only one.

 

[ssw]

So it seems you recognize your reactive behavior or your at least aware of it now, has that changed...

Give or take? But mostly it's like a default, like I'm overwhelmed and I can't take it and I snap but no one understands so I'm hateful and angry.

 

[ssw]

I

When I dissociate I become enraged. I'm not myself at all. You're not alone. For me, (during th...

kind of feel that way too. My dad was a very angry guy; I feel like it's having control but knowing at the same tons it's wrong.