1001 Ways To Appear Functional (even Though You're Not)

[Ronin]

All the trouble areas: If you have remotest clue of how to deal with them, think of them as success in progress areas, and don't mention them as 'issues'. ;)

 

[Ronin]

I know that kids love these, but I am in my mid 60s.

So? You're allowed to like things, at every age, @SheilaKathy. It's good you have interests and passions in life. :)

 

[Heather]

wake up, get out of bed, shower, dress, brush teeth and bring daughter to school. On four hours of sleep. No make that 3 1/2.

 

[EveHarrington]

This thread is HILARIOUS! You all ROCK!

I am now microwaving EVERYTHING! 90 seconds and dinner is served, lol. At least my diet appears functional, even if I am not.

I forgot the most important one! Internet shopping! No longer do you have to get dressed (or even put on clothes) to buy everything you need. Amazon, your Prime program is NOT helping me be more functional! Sadly, I live so close to a number of Amazon warehouses that two day shipping is often next day shipping. It's 2 am! I desperately need a heated cat bed! (True story, I bought a heated cat bed last Friday and it was delivered on Sunday.) My cat is an indoor cat and no he doesn't really NEED that bed but thank God Amazon was there for me. Without that bed, my cat and I would be suffering right now (haha).

 

[stillstanding2]

Put empty buckets out front to catch rain water, and only empty them if they're really gross or it's mosquito season. They make you look like you're helping your neighborhoods' thirsty pets. Tend them only at night, so you can do it in your robe.

 

[stillstanding2]

If anyone peeks at the landfill of your garage, tell them you're gathering props for a screenplay you've written.

 

[Ronin]

Leave the big personal words for dictionaries.

(If it starts in 'mass anything' and isn't about happiness and joy, leave it altogether.)

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Stack dirty underwear the same way you stack clean underwear, so it cannot be visually differentiated (I should probably do something with that pile)

 

[stillstanding2]

No point in emptying the dishwasher and putting things away. You're only going to put them back in to wash after you've filled the sink with them. Cabinets and drawers are better places to hide quick snacks.

 

[stillstanding2]

Stack dirty underwear the same way you stack clean underwear, so it cannot be visually differentiated (...

Better yet, don't wear underwear. It only gets dirty and you have to stack it.

 

[stillstanding2]

If you have a king-size bed and nice sheets, make it up once. Then sleep only on one side of the mattress, with a spare sheet under you. Should anyone ever want to sleep with you, stash the spare sheet behind the headboard and share a fresh bed, free of cracker crumbs.

 

[Ronin]

Leave assumptions about where you sleep or that it's beds at all... to other people.

All around people'll do assuming functionality just fine if you simply stick to the good don't deny, nor confirm.