What Do You Think Of Being Mental Healthy As We Can Be Vs 'recovery'?

[Tinyflame]

Oh yes, I see. Yes I value kindness too, but have thought it's because of my need/ my 'raw-ness' I guess that is relative to doing without kindness/ life experiences, (ptsd included). Yes, I get always called the 'weak' adjectives, as it were, kind/ beautiful/ happy/ funny/ sweet/ patient, actually patient less & that's the only one that actually applies, except for some kindness the rest are ridiculous. Plus people seem to assume if you are kind or keep quiet you don't have a brain to bless yourself with, the 'kindness is mistaken for weakness, or stupidity' adage. So not only isn't it valuable, but it's got that connotation to go with it. :(

Thanks for answering @Alien Goodness .

ETA, I don't see it as kindness in pointing out another's good qualities, just the truth. It's not kind to do so, just truthful.

 

[ladee]

For me, after many many years of healing work, tho I still have 'symptoms' that pop their devious little heads up to sabotage me, I feel, for the most part, that I am who I am....I was taught in therapy to embrace the things I hated about myself.. that sounded so strange at first... ahhh, no, let's get RID of it....but after practice, it went much smoother... So I do embrace the good and the bad in me today. But, I don't let others tell me what is good and bad. I make that choice for myself...You calling me a 'chair' doesn't make me one.
Because , for the most part, I was and still am high functioning... in many ways it caused more problems at first in getting help... it would take me awhile to take the mask off. THEN we could get to work. So much of the time I just let the thoughts just do their thing... run amok and scream and do what it does.. it isn't going to happen, I'm not going to kill myself, no, those people really do like you, blah blah blah to infinity....That is part of who I am.. a busy mind. It's not right or wrong, it just is.
This is a great thread. Makes me happy to see that some are ok with who and where they are in life. I am reasonably content in my life. That's more than some 'normal' people have. But I do know that I feel more compassion for anothers suffering. And I tend to carry myself in such a way as people do not mistake kindness for weakness. Direct eye contact seems to discourage that reaction from people..
I still read and address things as they come up. I try to learn everyday. Things I would be doing anyway. So ya, if this is as good as it gets, I'm ok with that. I've worked hard to get here.. Maybe now I should just enjoy my life and be grateful I am still alive.

 

[Powder]

In my opinion, the term "recovery" means to bring something back that was lost.

This implies that one must have had it once and that one can go and get it. For me this implies a set of beliefs.

I think of Jesus' parables. The prodigal son is an allegory of soul recovery, of the fact that anything lost from the soul will eventually be restored and celebrated in homecoming. Jesus tells this story as a divine truth that God wills that souls recover, always, and they will do so if they accept and welcome back and recognize their soul for what it is.

It almost reminds me of time travel. In some ways, I do believe that, spiritually, we can and regularly do this, with divine help. However, not in a literally way. Rather, it seems that our higher self or God can have saved certain things that can be restored to you, perhaps because they were never entirely lost, only out of sight/reach.

What would be recovered or returned to you in your life's journey?

I believe that this is an interesting way of thinking discussed in Christianity, Buddhism, and likely all cosmologies. To the Buddhist, which I am not trained in but have read about, one never steps into the same river twice.

Nature may appear the same but it is always in flux. We are part of nature and are always in flux; our cells regenerate, but with epigenetic changes. We are not the same body we were yesterday; our bodies are totally different cells. Bones are thought to be all new material every 10 years. Lungs in weeks, are new cells. Denial of this leads to many cognitive distortions, one of which is that we can "go back" to being who we were or feeling the same as we did before. This may lead to stuck thinking and behaviors. Every day is a new day.

I believe this concept is not unique to Eastern thought. In fact, in _The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe_ C.S. Lewis put forth this idea in that his characters could not achieve a journey to Narnia (perhaps a Christian idea similar to Nirvana?) via the same pathway and must consider each other, not just themselves, as uniquely on this journey. Lucy thought Narnia was her own Secret and had no idea that it was there for all of her siblings to partake in. Therefore, perhaps one's Recovery is a process for the entire planet, human race, etc.

They were told to live moving forward and that the pathway would be serendipitous along the way. He actually said "Don't look for it" in the same places. Move forward. Keep living and growing. Consider others. We're all in this together.

As we heal ourselves, someone recently told me, we actually are healing others indirectly. Healing is a gift to the world.

If so, then whatever you call it, it is good. Whatever you gain, we all gain. So thank you, @Junebug and everyone here, for helping me in my recovery. We're in it together.

----

re·cov·er·y
rəˈkəv(ə)rē/
noun

1. 1.
   a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.
   "signs of recovery in the housing market"
   synonyms: Link Removed, Link Removed More
   
   
   
2. 2.
   the action or process of regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost.
   "a team of salvage experts to ensure the recovery of family possessions"
   synonyms: Link Removed, regaining, repossession, getting back, reclamation,recouping, Link Removed, Link Removed
   "the recovery of the stolen goods"

 

[Kintsugi]

In the interest of staying focused on my own, uh, first response to the OP, I haven't read all the replies. :bag:

This is a very interesting topic to me, because I am plagued by the notion that while, yes, PTSD symptoms are, on some level, something I should be working to untangle and manage and improve, I've also had PTSD pretty much all my life, and it is necessarily a huge part of my personality, and trying to find where PTSD ends and I begin is at best irritatingly difficult (think untying a knot in a really fine silver chain) and at worst insulting (like--wait, wait, but that's part of who I am!).

It's a really difficult topic for me to wrap my head around, because I don't know where acceptance and avoidance are separated, really. Am I avoiding my issues if I'm claiming to embrace/accept them as part of who I am? Am I trying to stay sick if I'm accepting parts of PTSD as part of my identity?

That last bit is what haunts me the most. Sometimes the idea of somehow alleviating all of my PTSD symptoms makes me really anxious, because I'm not really sure what I would be left with. I'd like to think that I don't want to stay ill, but I just feel like it's also part of who I am, sculpted my worldview and mannerisms and me-ness from such an early stage. I don't want to stay sick, but on some level, I do want to stay me. I have enough trouble trying to pin down who and what that is without worrying that someone is going to make me relinquish huge chunks of my identity by trying to 'fix' the symptoms that I've always had.

I'm ashamed to even post this. I think it seems like I just don't want to get better. That's not really it. I just feel like PTSD is an integral part of who I am, and it always has been.

I watched a video on the topic of coming out (as gay) recently, and to hear the speaker talk about it, the way they felt about being gay in some ways really reminded me of having PTSD and hiding it, hiding a huge part of the who and why of how you are who you are and wishing people could embrace that part of you. I hope I don't offend anyone who's gay and reading this, because I'm not saying it's the same, but it was extremely remniscent of my own feelings toward having PTSD my whole life. All the times when I was a kid and people just thought I was paranoid, attention-seeking... it wasn't my fault that I couldn't handle certain situations in which other kids thrived, and still today, I have a lot of flaws that really are a product of having an illness that I wish people could see as physical, the way people understand my lupus-afflicted co-worker sometimes has certain limitations and sometimes doesn't. Like, maybe I would feel better about accepting my condition if I felt like those around me would be open to accepting it, too.

Damn I've rambled a lot. Sorry Junebug. :shy:

 

[Klo]

I think in some cases it is better to be triggered than to be desensitized. For people who have triggers to things like types of abuse, forms of violence or cruelty, war, etc, I find such responses to be much more human and beneficial than most people's lack of reaction altogether. I think that often people who are traumatized are capable of grasping the full gravity of certain situations, and are actually more "well" than the average citizen. Just because something become the norm, doesn't mean it's a good thing by default. Like the way so many millions of people can not only watch certain things in movies without having a reaction, but many of them even enjoy it, while a select few might be triggered by the same scenes - well I think in those cases, most of the people in theater have something wrong with them, and that one triggered person is having a normal human reaction. I think in many cases, managing PTSD and being well mostly involves not subjecting one's self to a bunch of deranged crap that most of society has deemed normal. And I'm fine with that.

 

[ladee]

Exactly @Klo, my normal is not their normal ! I'm just excited to have a defined normal, defined by me, not society. There are simply too many of us to have a rigid idea of what getting along in the world means. We are individuals who dealt with things in the ways our personality called for. I just know, for me, that I am not driven anymore. That I do not question holding my breath.. that is normal for me. I do not question a body pain.. it just is what it is. And the list goes on. It is like the fact that I am a recovering alcoholic and addict... not something I disclose to everyone, for exactly the same reasons we are talking about here !! Some of the things people say about alcoholics and drug addicts have absolutely nothing to do with the truth of the situation.. just as with PTSD and the myriad other alphabet soup that we get tagged with. We get to define our own normal... truth be known, I don't want to be like the majority of normal people I know.

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh wow, thank you for your remarkable replies @ladee , @Muse , @Simply Simon , @Klo , they are wonderful & hugely thought provoking.. :wideeyed: > I can't do them justice right now- company coming over (PTSD= OMG, and I'm good with that fact! :rolleyes: ), but I hope to come back- I will- & respond properly. Just to thank you all, you have made me feel much better. :notworthy: :hug:

 

[ladee]

I hope so @Junebug, I so appreciate you and want some form of happiness in your life. That's just for YOU !!:hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Aw Dear @ladee , what a sweet thing to say! :notworthy: :hug: I wish the very same for you!! :hug: :inlove:

The funny thing is, I don't expect happiness, or even 'imagine it', but I really do appreciate it. So that makes it sweeter.:) (especially following sorrow). :) :notworthy: :hug:

 

[ladee]

@Simply Simon, when I say I embraced the 'bad' parts of me, what my experience was, that I was no longer in denial that everything under the sun could be FIXED. But I also found with that acceptance and allowing myself to just know that all this , all of it, was mine to explore, to make better, to shelve, to ignore until another day, it just seemed to empower me. I felt I had more choices about what I could and couldn't or wouldn't do. Seems it just gave me more space to just be ok with the broken me.. There is no shame in being broken. That was taken out of our hands when the bad things happened.. But I would feel shame if I used any of the 'alphabet soup' labels put on me, as an excuse to not do the best I could on any given day. If that meant staying in bed all day with the covers over my head... well, alrighty then... that's the best I could do...I don't know if this makes any sense... I have a hard time sometimes sharing and making myself clear.Nope, not avoiding any part of me. Just giving myself permission to be the broken person I am, on this healing journey. It is just what has worked for me...

 

[ladee]

@Junebug, I think 'happiness' has different definitions to different people. I tend to be reserved most of the time.. but simple things make me feel a part of the world. When I am on the backroads, doing my rock hunting, and I see a butterfly, or hear an owl or hear the donkeys in the pastures.... Or even if someone stops to see if I am ok and not broken down on the side of the road. Just learning to fit inside my own skin and trying to be ok with that. I try not to put a lot of words on it... just feel the peace.. feel the belonging. And that is good enough.... sending you lots of hugs.

 

[Tinyflame]

I tend to carry myself in such a way as people do not mistake kindness for weakness. Direct eye contact seems to discourage that reaction.. Maybe now I should just enjoy my life and be grateful ..

@ladee (& @Alien Goodness ), I actually don't care if it's mistaken, other than for example with a spouse or at a job interview. No matter what conclusions others draw, good or bad, they may or my not be correct.

I think of Jesus' parables. The prodigal son is an allegory of soul recovery, of the fact that anything lost from the soul will eventually be restored and celebrated in homecoming. Jesus tells this story as a divine truth that God wills that souls recover, always, and they will do so if they accept and welcome back and recognize their soul for what it is.

Is this so @Muse ? :wideeyed: I didn't know that, I thought it was about mercy (forgiveness), so much so the Father runs out to meet the son. But I've never quite understood, because I didn't relate to any of the characters exactly. Maybe my soul is what needs a 'home'.

What would be recovered or returned to you in your life's journey?

Wow, this question should be a thread on it's own. Off the top of my head (& a lifetime of self-introspection), the ability to love but even worse except being loved (impossible), self-respect, faith, a sense of hope/ joy/ goodness in the world. Maybe a sense of meaning.

How about you? :)

perhaps one's Recovery is a process for the entire planet, human race, etc...They were told to live moving forward and that the pathway would be serendipitous along the way. He actually said "Don't look for it" in the same places. Move forward. Keep living and growing. Consider others. We're all in this together...As we heal ourselves, someone recently told me, we actually are healing others indirectly. Healing is a gift to the world. ...

The premise there (just to me) is that all living/ recover(ing) is our intertwined purpose.

I love the last part because I can accomplish for others what does not motivate me for myself alone.

This is a very interesting topic to me, because I am plagued by the notion that while, yes, PTSD symptoms are, on some level, something I should be working to untangle and manage and improve, I've also had PTSD pretty much all my life, and it is necessarily a huge part of my personality, and trying to find where PTSD ends and I begin is at best irritatingly difficult (think untying a knot in a really fine silver chain) and at worst insulting (like--wait, wait, but that's part of who I am!).

Me too @Simply Simon .

I'm ashamed to even post this. I think it seems like I just don't want to get better. That's not really it. I just feel like PTSD is an integral part of who I am, and it always has been... Like, maybe I would feel better about accepting my condition if I felt like those around me would be open to accepting it, too.

No @Simply Simon please don't be ashamed! Nor does it read as ~wanting to 'be' ill! I think rather, it's very logical. You (& I, all of us) we are who we are, & we have good points too. I was thinking of this yesterday, that I wouldn't want to trade my excess energy away, I can't imagine actually 'wanting' to be overly-chilled out. But then I thought- of course I can't imagine it; perhaps if I had others' kinds of brains, then overly-chilled out would feel good. But I don't. And that's ok too.

And no offence to me, I am not gay either, but remember the days back they used to think of it as a 'disorder'?? OMG. :( That ranks right up there with categorizing people from Papua New Guinea as 'Flora & Fauna' until 1969. :( A gay friend of mine asked me if I minded if she was gay? I said no, do you mind that I am straight? I think there are parallels to how ptsd is viewed. Even I have to say, I'm not here (on this planet, this day) to recover, but to live. That's exactly what I meant by this thread. :) At some level isn't 'recovery' suggesting we get over everything, that 'as we are' is a disorder, & all to be changed? (I don't think so, any more than such statement would apply to someone else, as you said for example, being gay. ) Maybe more acceptance as being wired differently, or responding differently, would help us feel better about ourselves?

I think in some cases it is better to be triggered than to be desensitized...

Yes I think you're right! :tup:

Exactly @Klo, my normal is not their normal ! I'm just excited to have a defined normal, defined by me.

And I see nothing wrong with one that doesn't harm others, or is peaceful. Especially if we are happier for it. Yes a 'feeling' or a sense of being.

Seems it just gave me more space to just be ok with the broken me.. There is no shame in being broken. That was taken out of our hands when the bad things happened..

That's a pretty powerful statement ^^ @ladee . :notworthy: Thank you. :hug: :)