I've since had interrupted sleep,
depression, weight loss, appetite loss, minor panic attacks, stress bumps on my head... I'm on these forums too much. I am constantly worried about her. Is this secondary
PTSD?
Diagnosis by internet is not a great idea, and it's best to check with a mental health care professional. No one here can really accurately determine that. As stated, secondary PTSD or secondary traumatization are not generally recognized diagnoises in the DSM5 anyhow, so there is no set of symptoms for such a label. There is basically no standard definition of what secondary traumatization is, and if it is even a thing or not. So there is even less ability for anyone here to be able to make any kind of suggestions as to what might be happening clinically.
That being said, a few thoughts:
Vicarious traumatization or secondary traumatization (which is a little different than PTSD) are conditions that many people do think can happen - even if there is no standard symptom set for such a condition. It is something some trauma therapists can develop from hearing and watching their clients re-live trauma or tell the stories of the traumatic events they have been through within the emotionally intimate context of therapy. It's different than the specific clinical condition of PTSD that develops when someone has gone through an event where life and death threat is imminent, but it can still lead to some really serious and valid mental health symptoms and even what some would call vicarious or secondary traumatization. Not all therapists are at risk for this, just like not all survivors develop PTSD after trauma. It usually takes a lot of on-going exposure to develop this.
One thing that helps therapists not develop symptomology from doing trauma therapy is to have really good self care skills, have their own support (often their own therapists), and to have really good boundaries - like being able to taking a break from the work as they need. If you think you may be suffering from secondary traumatization or PTSD, begining to do work on those areas may help.
Sometimes, even therapists who never deal with trauma can develop symptoms from the job. (It's not an easy line of work!) Burn out happens in many fields, and sometimes that can come with any or all of the mental health symptoms which you describe. This can also be true of friends supporting people dealing with any kind of major mental health condition. In the role of a non-professional supporter, sometimes the supporter can develop their own symptoms trying to handle it all.
It is also possible that by reading a forum all about trauma is stirring up symptoms. Reading about trauma is really stressful for many people without PTSD. I have had a friend without PTSD and who is not a supporter of anyone with PTSD (except me) who read this site and she was really shocked and upset to read about all the things that people go through here. It's a little like if someone starts reading a lot about terrorism, some people react to it by losing sleep, worrying about the issue excessively, etc. Even for PTSD sufferers, reading this forum can increase already present symptoms.
A breakup, especially that of an enmeshed relationship, is also a possible cause of any or all the kinds of symptoms you are experiencing. Moving alone is one of the top 10 stressors in life. Even without knowing the trauma history of a loved one, and just going through the kind of break up and life changes that you have been though - this is enough to lead to the mental health symptoms you are having.
One does not also have to have secondary traumatization to have all the symptoms you have.
People who tend to fall into co-dependent styles of relating, they often are doing so as a way to escape, avoid, or manage their own pain that was already there prior to the relationship. This breakup may have been the catalyst for your own pre-existing stuff (and we all have stuff) to surface or worsen. It may have been minor before, and now it's worsened to the point of being a symptomatic matter.
Or maybe none of these possibilities fit for you.
What is clear is that you are really suffering. Weight loss, sleep problems, and having symptoms that interfere with day to day life - this all indicates that consulting with a therapist would be a really great idea.
