I am not sure why this is bothering me so much. And it might not make a lot of sense. I see my therapist on Mondays and I also see her Thursday other than that there is very little contact . She does not call or do email. When I do EMDR on Mondays depending on how I am feeling she may call and check in on Tuesdays. She said she normally does not contact her clients during the week. Lately I have not been doing EMDR due to my suicidal thoughts, ( she does not feel that I am safe enough to do it. ) I know I am very depressed and alone and struggling. However when I leave my session on Mondays I cannot even fathom that I will make it to Thursday. I only wish that she will check in with me on Tuesdays so I have something to hang onto but she doesn't and she won't. So then the little girl in me says she doesn't care and that she's only doing this because it's her job. I mean if she really did care wouldnt you think she would at least check in with me to make sure I'm still there? Guess I am just frustrated and venting.
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Communication In Between Sessions
- Post starter Snowflake
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I suppose it could feel as though she doesn't care especially if you feel vulnerable due to your emdr and suicidal thoughts. I think she does care but ethically she should only do so much and probably shouldn't have even started checking on you during sessions because I imagine its hard not getting used to it for you when you feel you need it the most. If that makes sense. I think it could be just as hard for her to set those boundaries since she had called you in the past. If it helps any I respect that my T says I can call if I need to or if I need to see her more than once a week since I've been doing EMDR and sure as much as I would love to see a T everyday and feel I could use it, it's been teaching me to find my own support other than my T and encouraging me to find, create and use my own tools to make it. Hope this helps , hugs if you accept and need. Thanks for sharing, it will be alright. It's hard to not take personal I know but it's not personal, and maybe instead you could try to set appropriate boundaries that your comfortable with so that you don't feel like it's personl, rather than this just being your T's choice. but feel your emotions either way, it's important to feel what your feeling I've learned.
Heather
Diamond Member
I don't understand your therapist? Did you explain to her how hard it is for you to make it from one session to the next? If I were in the same position as you it wouldn't sit well with me either.
Personally, I would look into getting a new therapist if you feel like you are not getting the help you need but that's just my 2 cents.
Hope you get what you need.
Heather
Personally, I would look into getting a new therapist if you feel like you are not getting the help you need but that's just my 2 cents.
Hope you get what you need.
Heather
Heather
Diamond Member
I just wanted to add that all that I am going through my therapist has made herself even more available to me.....I can call when and if I need to. I can schedule extra appointments if I need to.
I would address this with her again. Again just my take.
Hugs.
I would address this with her again. Again just my take.
Hugs.
Friday
Sponsor
Play around with this one for a minute...
If she did really care wouldn't you think she would at least __________________.
Fill in the blank with everything from reasonable to extreme:
- buy me a sports car
- hold my hand while I'm crying
- call/text me once an hour (once every few hours, once a day, once a week, once a...)
- come home with me
- see me for free
- invite me to move in with them
- tattoo my name on them
- squeeze me in for an extra session
- speak more kindly (clearly, briefly, at length, etc.)
If I were really on my A-Game right now I'd have listed 5 examples from the 5 love languages (physical touch, quality time, acts of service, giving gifts, words of affirmation). But you could list 500 examples and none of them would mean someone "really" cares or doesn't care. They're all just tokens. From the thoughtful to the spontaneous. They're things that lead us to feel a certain way. They have no real bearing on how the other person actually feels.
When we say "If so&so doesn't do XYZ for me, then they don't really care!" ... It has nothing to do with so&so. Whatever kind of token we're wanting? Is about US. What we want. Not that they feel.
- Post starter
- #6
theshadowoftheliving
Diamond Member
I think it's ultimately a sign of trust that she wants you to go sans communication between sessions - it means you have more strength than you realize.
One of the hardest things for me in therapy is trying to not elicit special treatment. As I write that, it makes it sound like I think really highly of myself, but what I'm really after is the unconditional love and support and care that a young child should get from their parents - the equivalent to a three yearold being able to wake up mom or dad after a nightmare and have them hold the child and comfort the child. I never had that as a kid. When I start thinking on the lines that you are (which happens ALLLL the time) I try to step back and ask me if my therapist is even capable of giving me what I'm after. Usually, the answer is no.
The insight, however, doesn't always make it any easier to deal with the reality.
One of the hardest things for me in therapy is trying to not elicit special treatment. As I write that, it makes it sound like I think really highly of myself, but what I'm really after is the unconditional love and support and care that a young child should get from their parents - the equivalent to a three yearold being able to wake up mom or dad after a nightmare and have them hold the child and comfort the child. I never had that as a kid. When I start thinking on the lines that you are (which happens ALLLL the time) I try to step back and ask me if my therapist is even capable of giving me what I'm after. Usually, the answer is no.
The insight, however, doesn't always make it any easier to deal with the reality.
- Post starter
- #8
sun seeker
Diamond Member
Well... yes and no. They can't be the parent we never had, but they can help us rewire our brains so the deficit is no longer crippling. I don't know much about EMDR, but imagine that is one of the goals. Trauma therapy is meant to actually change the brain structures that are damaged by early trauma (which I am assuming is what you have?). Thus we become more resilient, able to self regulate, and all those things that may seem impossible now. They can't be with us all the time, as I am sure your adult mind understands. But they can offer what are called corrective experiences during therapy that help fill in the gaps - things like, say, role playing a situation from childhood and changing the ending so it gets rewired in our brains, or symbolically acting as the protector we never had.
Does your therapist do any of those things? If not, could you ask her to?
Does it help at all to remember the moments in therapy that felt nurturing, and replay them in your mind when you are alone? Write about them?
We all need a support system that is bigger than just one person. It sounds like you are at a place in your process where you need more support than one person can give, and that is neither a judgement of you or of your therapist. Just means you are going through some very intense stuff. Could you talk to your therapist about how to broaden your support system so you have support from other sources in between sessions?
What I'm trying to convey here is that there need be no judgement of either of you just because your need is for more than she is able to give. Just means you might have to find other ways to fill the need.
Does your therapist do any of those things? If not, could you ask her to?
Does it help at all to remember the moments in therapy that felt nurturing, and replay them in your mind when you are alone? Write about them?
We all need a support system that is bigger than just one person. It sounds like you are at a place in your process where you need more support than one person can give, and that is neither a judgement of you or of your therapist. Just means you are going through some very intense stuff. Could you talk to your therapist about how to broaden your support system so you have support from other sources in between sessions?
What I'm trying to convey here is that there need be no judgement of either of you just because your need is for more than she is able to give. Just means you might have to find other ways to fill the need.
- Post starter
- #10
Yep we both know I need more support-just got to find it. There are no groups in my area and I am too lazy to just do anything-college class, a gym. I am alone and it sucks!
sun seeker
Diamond Member
I'm not sure I believe in laziness. Depressed? Discouraged? Feeling some social anxiety? Whatever the reason, there is a reason why you haven't pursued activities. Maybe activities aren't what you need right now. If you are doing therapy twice a week, I would assume you are in something close to a state of crisis, right? In that state I would have trouble imagining going to a college class or a gym. A chat over tea with a friend would be closer to the realm of possibility. But it's hard to get to know new people in that state.
Do you have a diary here? Posting a lot has helped me through some of my most intense times.
- Post starter
- #12
No diary here- that means people will know about me....ugh....
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