Sufferer A Lifetime Of Surviving

[LittleSparrow12]

I'm a survivor of many traumas in my life. Diagnosed with PTSD in 2012 after leaving an abusive marriage. I've lost a dad and more than one friend to suicide, and others to poor health or accidents. At my first job a man had a heart attack a few cubes over. I'm starting to wonder if I'm just bad luck. I was sexually assaulted in college and graduate school by people I thought I could trust, and I still blame myself. And the icing on the cake was when I married a man who would take advantage of my weaknesses and end up wanting me dead. He acts like nothing happened and his lawyer says I forgave the abuse and provoked the abuse, so without his remorse I cant heal. It all blows my mind and there are days I pretend it never happened, but my PTSD is a constant reminder. I'm here for support and help figuring out how to feel normal.

 

[macca]

Hi there. Welcome to the forum. This is a safe place, and a supportive one, hopefully you will find as I did, that you aren't so alone.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm just bad luck

I get this, so much. I feel the same - I feel like a bad luck charm.

His lawyer makes me very angry. "Provoked" the abuse - I've got a few unutterable words for him and his lawyer. You have not done anything to deserve being abused - please remember that - it's just their way of attempting to excuse inexcusable behaviour.

As for how to feel normal - with you on trying to work that one out too!

 

[arfie]

If one cannot heal without the abuser's remorse, I am without hope. I have not healed at all and cannot heal because my primary abuser died with his pride intact in 2005. My secondary abuser lost her ability to speak in 1999, also with her pride still intact.

But, I still believe that healing is an inside job and not dependant on anybody else's choices. Hope springs eternal.

Feeling normal? I gave that one up. I just want internal peace.

Gentle hugs, Little Sparrow. Welcome to the forum.

 

[Recovery Girl]

You absolutely can heal without the abuser's remorse! I did! I bet a lot of others here did too. What worked for me in the beginning was a good counselor. I couldn't tell reality from not reality sometimes! But my counselor was an angel and helped me so much! You will find angels on your way through this journey for real!

 

[intothelight]

Hi Littlesparrow,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! :)

Your ex's lawyer is working for him and will say what needs to be said to put his client in a favorable light. Most abusers justify their actions by blaming the victim so keep that in mind and realize that the abuse was not your fault and honestly, people who blame others rarely take responsibility for their own actions and will most likely never show remorse.

Part of recovery is overcoming the self blame and putting it where it belongs. Learning only to take accountability for our own actions, but not the actions of others. We all have choices and that is all we are responsible for is our own choices and actions.

I hope you find this site beneficial to your healing.

Take care.

Debbie

 

[ms spock]

Hello and Welcome to the Forum