A Lot On My Mind… Not Feeling Like My Therapist Is Helping Me Anymore.

[FindingMyself88]

I have had so much on my mind lately… But one thing that I keep coming back to is I feel like it might be time to change therapists. I feel guilty for feeling that way because I have an amazing, sweet, and good therapist who has helped me acknowledge the fact that I have been abused emotionally, physically, and sexually. I've been with her since August 2012, so 1.5 years. She is actually a University counseling and wellness counselor that I started with when I transferred to my college. She has also helped me accept the fact that my mom has borderline personality disorder (undiagnosed) and how it has affected me and that our relationship is unhealthy. I've seen counselors when I was younger, but they were court ordered and I was so messed up then, I couldn't connect, so she is the first real counselor I have connected with.

However, I feel like we have reached a halt. She is not a specialist in PTSD or trauma, not that that is a requirement. But I feel like lately I go in, talk about my week or whats bothering me, and leave. Our sessions have went from hour long to maybe 45 minutes, or less. Granted, she is free through school, but not much is being accomplished. I am also in group DBT. The therapist in there is much more…challenging? She has hurt my feelings, but she will apologize and ultimately I realize its the truth. She is also more experienced with trauma victims. I am considering talking to her Tuesday after group about the possibility of seeing her once a week.

This saddens me though, at the possibility of ending my time with my current T. Plus the Counseling and Wellness center has a contract with our Uni's Psychiatry department that gets me free treatment, so I would have to pay a copay, which isn't a big deal.

I just don't know if maybe this is just a phase or a "plateau" in our therapy or if what I'm feeling is accurate. We just came through some extremely hard months, where I did contemplate suicide. I must say my T was great through that, emailing me to check on me and making me aware of several crisis lines if she wasn't available.

I keep going back and forth, I don't know what to do….

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I know what you mean. I went through this exact same thing a few times. I stayed with my old T for 3 years. She wasn't a trauma specialist.

It's hard because I miss her so much. She was the first trusting relationship I had outside of my husband when I escaped from my abuser. She was so wonderfully supportive for a long time and I made huge headway by seeing her all of that time.

But now, I still have PTSD to deal with and that went outside her experience.

We have to do what's good for us and having a trauma specialist is very very important when it comes to PTSD. Maybe it would help to have her consult with your new T? That's what I plan to do just so that I will feel like I have someone who already knows me speaking to my new T about my progress, etc.

Have you spoken to your T about how you feel? My T was really cool about it. She agreed that something more structured like CBT would be very beneficial for me since I have so much of a struggle in between sessions. It's all so normal. This is a part of the healing process, and sometimes, we just gotta do what we just gotta do.

I hope you will be able to gain some insight and make a decision on this soon. ((((BIG HUGS))))

 

[FindingMyself88]

((((HUGS))))

Thank you for sharing your experience. I have not spoke to my T about it yet, I am just coming to terms with this over the past couple of weeks. I didn't want to accept it. I am trying to work up the nerve to talk to her about this tomorrow, but I may wait until after I've talked with my group therapist. I actually have 2 appointments with my T this week because I missed last week due to being in the hospital and I told her it had been a really bad week. I don't really know how to bring it up, I don't want to hurt her feelings or invalidate EVERYTHING she has done for me in the past year and a half...

 

[Overcast]

It doesn't invalidate what was accomplished with her. You should tell her how she has helped you. There is so much that has to be dealt with in trauma that it often takes new approaches to get the healing you deserve. Your current therapist will recognize that and help you through your emotions about changing therapists.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Thanks Overcast. However, my perception might have changed today…

I met with my group T, whom I feel really understands me and also has experience in working with trauma survivors. I told her how I was feeling, but she thinks that maybe right now is not the time to start doing deeper trauma work. See, my parents will soon be moving up here and I will be moving in with them for financial reasons until I finish college. She says that she has seen too many people try to keep opening up wounds while living in an "unsafe" environment and it destroys them. She thinks what I need right now is just supportive therapy and CBT, which my T does. It does make sense, but Im just the kind of person that I want the pain to end, I want to hurry through it. She is basically telling me to bind up the wounds for now, cover them, until its safe to work on them.

Im just afraid I won't be able to do that, I feel like its a raging sea rushing against a dam built for a small lake...

 

[Abstract]

Your group leader sounds very wise. What about finding someone else who understands trauma properly but still holding off trauma work?

I think there is a lot you can get from doing the CBT or other types of therapy without doing trauma work that would be very helpful when done with a trauma specialist. You can concentrate on a lot of indirect things surrounding the trauma and that will help keep you safe. It also means you will already be in the right place if you find yourself having to work on a bit of trauma. Hope that makes sense. A bit scattered tonight.

 

[FindingMyself88]

It does make sense and I actually brought that up to her. She said yes, while that may be a good option if I continue to feel like nothing is happening with my T, but she thinks I just need to reevaluate and see if I am just wanting to push my recovery to fast. She said that she thinks having this solid 1.5 year relationship with my T will be the support I need when my parents move up….

 

[Abstract]

How long do you have until your parents come up if you don't mind me asking? Do you find it very difficult to manage relationships? In other words is it likely you will find it hard to find another t you would trust and be able to work with? If you look at your general patterns that is. Remember that past t's who were inexperienced would make it likely anyone would have difficulty with them.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Well it is looking like March sometime, so 2 months. I find it hard to get to the point that I can really trust and be open about how I feel. Like, I can tell you what has happened, but to tell you how I FEEL about it is a completely different story. My T isn't experienced in trauma, but she does provide CBT and support, which is what my group T said I need. I don't know…I think I'm going to try to give it a few weeks and see. I need to do whats best for me, but I don't know which would be better right now. To stay with someone that I can either a)express how I feel or if I can't b) she knows how to pull it out of me. I do like the fact that my group T does seem okay with meeting with me when I need her too.

 

[Abstract]

It is a dilemma I have to say. My initial reaction was for you to get someone who knows about trauma and leave this one. It seems to me that even CBT done with the underlying understanding of trauma would be different. But I can see the advantage of having someone you trust since you do also have your DBT t who understands trauma.

If you moved you would have two months to get used to someone new so that is something to consider. I wonder of looking around just to see what is out there is an option? Then you could make the next decision as you go.

 

[FindingMyself88]

It is not something I am totally against. Technically I'm not moving far, just 20 minutes away from where I am now. But it looks like things might be post-poned because the buyer my parents had for the house had to back out due to her loan was denied. In a way, this is good, but financially its bad. It means I have to somehow manage to go back to work despite health issues and PTSD. But at least it gives me more time to "shut down" the old wounds as my group T said so that it isn't as bad when my parents do move up here.